sunnshinegirl

I've been reading the threads and found so much helpful information. Just reading everyone's stories makes me realize I'm not alone. My AH is spending us into bankruptcy. I support us with my income. I haven't found a way to curb his spending. When I talk to him about it, he just gets angry and turns it back on me.

Any advice or can anyone share their stories? I'm in the beginning stages of detaching and it's not easy.

redatlanta

You open a separate bank account with only your name on it. Deposit all funds in that account and transfer funds into the other one as needed. Depending on your bank you can cap spending amounts on debit cards.

What you can't do is control check writing. I have known someone to have their SO write bad checks all over town and with your name on the account you are equally responsible (if you both have your name on it).

IMO detaching financially is soooo important. I am sure he isn't gonna like it but there isn't really anything he can do about it. Why become bankrupt over his drinking?

alchiewifey

See a lawyer, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your kids (?).
Trust me when I say there is NO point in talking to him about it anymore, he may promise up and down, left and right that he'll stop but he won't.

Jazzman

It's both easy and hard. Separate bank accounts in your name only, credit cards, etc. close out all joint accounts. That's the easy part. Stop funding joint accounts, that's the hard part.

Do you own your home? I would suggest talking to a lawyer to get clear options for financial damage control. Would probably only need one hour and could possibly be the best money you ever spent.

Since you support him I don't see how he has a right to an opinion TBH.

sunnshinegirl

Thank you everyone. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week. Was really hard to make that call but I realize if I don't do something soon, I'll be broke. Every now and then I see glimpses of the person he was and it makes it really hard to cope with the reality of who he has become. I appreciate all your advice!

Florence

SSG, I had to do this too. I cut up his credit cards that were also in my name, closed store credit accounts, and opened up a private account for my direct deposit. He was not happy about it, but it turns out he had alternative ways of making money and that all his complaints were just bluster. Best thing I ever did for myself.