amarie

My AH and I have made plans to go to Nashville in June. His best friend lives there and invited us to stay with him. He's a publisher down there and knows alot of famous people. He is also an A but has been sober for about 5 yrs. I thought this would be a great vacation since my AH probably won't be drinking around him. Well, guess what? I just found out that his friend is back drinking and his wife left him. Now I'm afraid to go down there for fear that this would turn into a drunk fest :beerchug: . I know I would be a fool to still take the trip, but I was looking forward to going. It's the week of the CMA Music fest so it's supposed to be a great time to go. I'm really nervous about it. Should we still go and if they are drinking, I go off on my own and still have fun? I'm so confused as to what to do.

Laura M

Hi amarie,
I don't have the answer to if you should go or not but I heard something at a meeting the other night that may help some.

One gal used to make 2 plans. Plan A included the A in the activity, Plan B was the same activity, but without the A. Eventually she got to where her Plan B became Plan A because she couldn't rely on her A to do anything with her.

Maybe you need 2 plans. One that includes him and one that doesn't. Go and do what you would have done anyway. If you have plans to go to lunch as a group, and he and his buddy go drinking, go have lunch by yourself. It sucks that we should have to do things alone but if we rely on them to be with us, we're going to be awfully disappointed.

I tried it last night regarding supper. Plan A included him, Plan B did not. Plan B won out. I am going to continue to do things that way until he gets it together. I am working on getting myself together.

I feel for you as my A and I are taking a trip together in two weeks. Flying together for the first time, attending a wedding of his high school buddy, visiting relatives, and seeing the ocean for the first time (him). He rarely drinks around me because he knows how I feel about it. So, he probably won't, but he'll probably be a dry drunk the whole time.

I hope that you get some posts that can help you make a decision. Just know that you aren't alone in this situation as I am wondering the exact same thing myself.


Laura M

Gabe

Hey amarie,
Don't let whether he's drinking or not ruin a chance for you to go to Nashville.
Laura's Plan A/Plan B idea is a good one.
You can go on vacation and have a good time, regardless of whether he is sober or not.
Peace,
Gabe

2ndBest

Amarie,

It sounds like a blast, if you are ready to go and not count on him at all. Plan A and Plan B is a great idea!

Why deprive yourself from a good time just because you are worried about how he will act? You deserve fun, too!

The question is, will you let him ruin your good time with his behavior, whatever it may be?

I know it is really hard to be strong and not count on them for fun and companionship. This is why we are with them in the first place (love, too). So if you feel you can go and not be constantly worried about him, then by all means, go! Enjoy yourself, and don't worry about him. If you feel that you are not at a place yet where you can do this, then perhaps you should not go, since your time will be ruined by him.

I don't have a clear answer, maybe just stuff you should think about . . . My thoughts are with you.

2nd

myles1

Plan A and Plan B and take some extra money with you in case you need to get home without him or something like that. Protect you in any case.

Ngaire

amarie

Thanks everyone. The plan A/B is a great idea. It's just scary not knowing what I'll be getting myself into. Plus, it's not like I would know my way around Nashville if I decide to go places on my own. I still have a month to think about it. I just hate the fact that I even have to contemplate going on vacation. Why can't anything be simple???