luv2teachkids

I got home from Alanon and all was peaceful. He was passed out.

He woke at 4:30 yelling that I had gone to the meeting last night (even though he was not home). When he realized he didn't have any reason to be mad, he started ranting about finances. He is accusing me of taking money and stashing it away so that I can leave him. He even accused me of giving money to my ex husband to help him live better!! lol...I recognize all of this is just to try to hook me into arguing...so for the most part, I am being quiet. BUT..since 4:30 this morning, I have listened to this. I am tired! I have to be at work by 7. Normally, I sleep until 6. My kids are sleeping through this crap....it's so weird. I am listening to him have an argument with himself..now that I don't respond, he is responding for me...(with responses I would not have made if I did respond).

What a way to start a day. Clearly he is still drunk.

chicory

I am so sorry for your pain. I know how it is to have to begin your day as a whipping boy of a drunk. Though I don't have to deal with it now, I can so remember the pain, the knot in my stomach, and the deep sadness.

I hope things get better for you, and for your children. and hope that sometime soon, your husband realizes that he is hurting those who do not deserve it.

redatlanta

All I can say is - He is a drunk. You think the kids were sleeping? I bet they weren't, I bet they were laying there hoping this didn't escalate. Your children are being exposed to frightening behavior and so are you. Everyone in the household has been awake since 4:30 am because the drunk got mad. Now everyone gets to go to school/work exhausted thanks to the drunk's behavior, and the drunk is most likely back to sleep getting HIS rest.

Wasn't it just a week ago that AH sent a gushy email about how much he loves you and that if you needed to 'go see someone" to deal with things he supported that?

Keep up with your Al Anon meetings. You can and will get healthier and (hopefully) decide this is an unhealthy environment for you and your children.

Sorry this happened ((((hugs)))) I am quite certain it will happen again.

Justfor1

Does he work? He could drive to work at 7AM and get a DUI. I agree with the other poster & maybe your kids were just pretending to sleep. This guy sounds like a angry drunk and it could be dangerous.

CentralOhioDad

(((((((HUGS))))))) for you this morning..

May you get some peace and quiet at work - most days I enjoy going to work just so I don;t have to be around her.

And you're in a much more hellish situation than I am. I feel for you and your boys.

Take care.

C-OH Dad

luv2teachkids

One son told me this morning he woke up at 6 and heard him. The other was still sound asleep when I woke him at 6:30. My oldest said he just put his headphones on and went back to sleep for a half hour.

My AH left at about 6:15 when I went into the shower and closed the bathroom door behind me. I think he figured he had ranted since 4:30 and I wasn't responding, so he'd go. He had already showered, gotten ready for work, and btw...finished his fifth (maybe a shot was left, if that).

Sad that I pray he gets caught...even though it would cause SO much financial strain on me and major loss of job, etc for him....sometimes I really think it would be for the best.

CentralOhioDad

If I knew my AW was driving drunk, I would not hesitate to call the cops.

pravchaw

Agree, for some people this is their bottom. They sober up.

I guess you are already considering this - but you seriously need to consider separating. At the very least you should consider getting an attorney and planning the plan if things do not improve. If you think your safety or that of your kids is compromised - call the police without 2nd thoughts.

luv2teachkids

I've considered it, but I'm not there yet. I don't fear for my safety or my kids. My sanity...well I thought that was gone until I found this site and alanon.

HopefulmomtoD

It is quite the moral dilemma knowing that your DH is driving drunk. Speaking only for myself, I would have so much guilt if my RAS hurt or killed someone while drinking and driving.

Ironically, my DS did get a DUI- before that I would have sworn he never drank and drove. Thank GOD he did not hurt anyone. He got pulled over for driving 45 in a 35. However, because he is an alcoholic, I will do nothing to help him get his license back or help him drive. Its been VERY inconvenient for me to help get him to work and meetings, but if he drives again and chooses to drink- I did nothing to help him.

Can you call your local police department and tell him that your husband drinks and drives and ask for advice?

I understand how difficult this must be for you and your family.

Fandy

if your husband is driving drunk and you share assets and insurance, you might be liable financially for any damages he incurs to another person.

I hope that you ARE hiding $$ and will begin to formulate a plan. what a garbage situation and way to start a day, what gives him the RIGHT to attempt to ruin everyone elese life?

luv2teachkids

I like the idea of asking police for advice. I'm so scared he will hurt someone. I would feel so guilty myself.

Justfor1

Putting aside all the financial liability that could happen if he gets a DUI, how about if he hurts someone driving drunk to work? Drinking a 1/5 of hard alcohol the previous night points to he is still staggering drunk in the early AM. The fact that he has to have a "eye opener" & finish the bottle in the morning shows his incredible tolerance to alcohol. He seems like a fairly advanced stage alcoholic.

KaelaRose

Speaking as someone who got hit by a drunk driver please please call the cops and tell them he is driving drunk. I was on my way home from work 8 yrs ago April 7th and got hit head on by a drunk driver. Both my lungs collapsed, my right knee was Shattered, not just broken but shattered, and I had a cut on my spleen. He had NO injuries. I had 2 chest tubes put in, reconstructive surgery on my knee, spent 5 days in the hospital and then 6 months of physical therapy to learn how to use my knee again. I was 25 when this happened. I'll have to have knee replacement before I'm 40 bc of this. The jerk pleaded guilty and got a slap on the wrist. And then wound up getting into another accident while drunk driving and killing someone a year later. Trust me you do not want that on your conscience!

lizatola

I've been there, sitting and wondering if I should call the police and turn him in. I waited and called a few Al Anon friends and just when I was about to turn him in he texted me to tell me he was in the back of a squad car. The cops had pulled him over after running a red light and failing to stay in his lane. He was a mile and a half from our house and it was only 9 PM at night. My friends and neighbors, and even myself, drive that intersection every single day and he could have injured or killed any one of them. Thankfully, he did not.

His job requires that he drives because he's in sales, and they have yet to find out(the DUI was last year). He got an extreme DUI with .239 BAC and did only 3 days in jail with 11 days of house arrest. Honestly, a slap on the wrist, if you ask me. He continued to drink. Now, he has an ignition interlock on his car and will have it on for another 18 months, it costs us $100 a month to maintain it. The DUI cost us about $10,000 total so far. Our insurance hasn't found out yet, either, which is a huge blessing.

Anyway, I share my story to tell you what a DUI could possibly look like for your family. I'd rather spend 10K than trying to sleep at night knowing I could have prevented a loss of life by reporting a drunk driver. I also share this to let you know that a DUI is not always their bottom, sorry to say. I wanted him to get caught so badly, thinking it would be the catalyst to sobriety and healing. It wasn't. But, at least, it keeps him from driving drunk now here in our state. And, that helps me sleep at night.

Hugs to you today!

luv2teachkids

Neighbor just texted me that he is home...at least I know both him and the rest of the nearby public are safe.

Ellvk

Ugh. I've been in the driving dilemma. Best to you.
L.

AnvilheadII

here's a tragic reminder of what drunk drivers can do - occurred yesterday at about 4pm - should you ever wonder if reporting a driver under the influence is the RIGHT thing to do:

SEATTLE (AP) - Police say a driver who may have been under the influence of alcohol or drugs struck four pedestrians crossing a street Monday, killing two and critically injuring two others - a woman and the infant she was carrying.

"This is obviously a very tragic situation," said Seattle Police Deputy Chief Nick Metz. "It's not very normal that we have this level of folks who are victimized in this way."

The accident happened shortly after 4 p.m. in a residential neighborhood in north Seattle.

Seattle police spokesman Jeff Kappel said the driver of the vehicle, 50-year-old Mark W. Mullan of Seattle, was placed under arrest and processed for suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs.

Court records show Mullan has had multiple DUI arrests in just the past several month. He was arrested for DUI on December 27, 2012, and again on January 14.

A 66-year-old man and a 68-year-old woman were pronounced dead at the scene, Kappel said.

Kyle Moore, Seattle Fire Department spokesman, said the injured were a 33-year-old female and a 2-week-old infant. The gender of the infant was not immediately known.

CompletelyLost4

My heart just breaks for you to read about your morning! My AH would do that - drink all night and wake me up with some sort of absolute craziness. Once he accused me of sleeping with his cousin because I had waved at him during a track meet! My little boys would sleep through it, but my older boys never could. Luckily in my situation my AH is gone (well, right now for good) with his job for two weeks at a time, so we would have moments of sanity in between, but I cannot imagine coming home to it every night.

I know I'm new to all of this, but honestly moving my AH out of the house was the biggest feeling of relief I've had in a LOOOONG time. I had been planning it for a while - even started saving and budgeting with the whole Dave Ramsey series to see if I could take care of all of the bills on my own, since I wasn't counting on AH or anyone else to help. The day I told my older boys about my decision, that night my oldest started sleeping through the night. That was all the reassurance I needed to know it was the right thing to do.

Big HUGS to you today!

stella27

I used to live like that. Now that I don't, I cannot imagine ever having that kind of chaos and rage in my house again. Ever.