Help!
 

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months now and all was grand and rosy to start with as he didn't drink for the first month or so and he said he hadn't drank for a while but now he drinks a whole bottle of wine plus some bottles of beer almost every night of the week, often sitting up on his own drinking after I go to bed then he falls asleep on the couch and I have to get up and get him to come to bed. If I so much as mention that I think he has a problem he gets all defensive! How can I help, support and guide him without sounding like a nag?! Or maybe I can't and he has to see it for himself first!

Any help is much supported. Apart from this one massive thing we have a wonderful relationship!

Run!

Completely agree with the above poster... the engines are definitely on fire and the plane is going down.

Eject! Eject! Eject!

Please stick around and read, read, read, read... he is drinking alcoholically and the best thing you can do for him and yourself is extricate yourself as quickly as possible and hit the exit doors....

Trying to ensnare an enabler and fix up a cozy nest to get drunk in is so tempting to the A that they will do or say anything to draw you into the web of addiction they live in...

My thought for the day is that " Red flags are not party favors. Do not collect them"...

read, read, read... lots of good stuff on this forum that will help you understand the quicksand you are treading into....

Thanks
 

Thank you to both of you for your words of wisdom!

I think I know what I have to do for my own best interests here!

Thanks again

I'm an alcoholic and I agree with the previous posters. Get out now while you can. You don't need all the garbage that comes from being with someone who is addicted. It's a rollercoaster and it's unhealthy for you. It's unhealthy for anyone!

Thanks
 

Thanks for your reply. It's good to hear that from someone who has actually been there and done it and hear it from your side!

Thanks again

R

Been a drinker, a junkie and got an addict partner who I've been on and off and up and down with for seven years now. Agree with the guys above me...get out. Don't nag. Don't give ultimatums. Just end it. Even if that breaks your heart, the pieces will be easier to collect than after a few years of having it shattered and re-shattered by an addict.

If you can't make him 'see the light' by leaving permanently there is nothing you could have done by staying with him to help him or yourself. And if, against all odds, your leaving makes him admit to having a problem and seek help then maybe (way) down the line the two of you can talk.

Either way, everyday you stay in this situation is another day of your life you've invested into a sinking ship, another day you'll never get back, another day, another day until you're stuck too...co-depending on an addict.

You both deserve more than that, but right now you're the only one able to provide that for yourself, and in turn, (it is improbable, but not impossible) for him.

Do both of you a favour...don't put up with this or being treat like this. It is not ok and you do not deserve it.

I started dating a woman when I was 10yrs sober. We went out for dinner, the waiter asked what we would like to drink. After the beverage order was done I looked at her and said if I EVER order alcohol you should simply get up and RUN as far and fast away from me as you can.
That would be my advice to you and do not look back the devil is coming!

Run as hard and as fast as you can!!!!!! Sorry but I wish I had done just that because the pain & hurt becomes so much deeper. You will eventually find yourself sinking.....Best wishes!

Oh, and stop waking him up off the couch. Let the drunk lie there all night, and miss work the next morning too if he's that plastered. I gave up trying to wake my AW and just let her pass out and snore on the couch - I get a better night's sleep.

And yes, RUN!!

Best of Luck to you!

C-OH Dad

Thanks
 

Thanks to you all for your complete honesty! I guess there must be people out there who do stick around but it must not be easy. I admire those of you who have done that. I'm not a strong enough person to do that!

YES, please do.

Strength is changing an unhappy situation, not enduring one.

Be strong and stay strong. x

My dear, I only stick with AW because we have a a child, and I want to ensure I can get full physical custody of him once we separate. He does not deserve to be stuck with a drunk mother alone. At least with me being there, he has one stable parent.

You are with a b/f of just 3 months, there's not as much invested, you can RUN and not look back.

Good luck with getting custody of him. Hope it all works out for yours and his sake.

the first few months of ANY relationship are the trying out phase....like shoes. testing the waters. not making lifelong commitments or trying to solve THEIR problems.

time to bail. you've seen enough.

You have only invested 3 months of your life with him and realize that he's not the one for you.

Anyone can put on the game face and personality for a short period of time but the real person the real personality always comes through. His did in a couple of months, time to move on and away from him.

It's only been 3 months....everything SHOULD be grand and rosy at first! That's when we put our best foot forward to impress the other person. He is now showing you who he TRULY is. If you have any doubt about getting out now when it's early and you have little invested, read through the posts here and see what your life will be like a few years down the road.

He's not who you thought you were getting. That's okay. You are now aware, and once you're aware you can't go back. Move on. He is not your problem to fix. I agree with COD, don't wake him up on the couch. That's his choice. If he wakes up with a sore neck or misses the alarm, it's part of the consequences. BTW - expect that when you DO move on he will likely come on full force with the lovey dovey sweet say whatever you want to hear stuff to try and pull you back in. It's called "quacking", don't listen.

Some day you are going to have to leave this guy. It can either be now when you have very little invested and still have the emotional strength of a healthy person. Or, it can be in the future after you've thrown away years of your precious life, are totally bled dry, and very sick yourself.

If you get really lucky (and I'm NOT being sarcastic), he will blame you for his drinking and then heartlessly abandon you. That's what we call on SR him "doing you a favor".

We will be here for you no matter what happens.

Broken promise
 

Well so much for his I'll give it up for you for a while! He managed one lousy day! So disappointed, angry and let down