buckyboy

For over 25 years been hoping my brother would come to grips with his alcohol addiction. He has torn our family apart, ruined my deceased father's golden years, steals from mother (she the enabler), lies, drinks until he drops and than some. But this Thursday the DT's kicked in high gear and if not for me calling paramedics would have likely died. So we get him in the ER, basic meds won't touch him, so they put him in a drug induced coma for two days. Now they are ready to release him and he refuses detox choosing to come home instead to start drinking again. He is telling my brother (another enabler) that the seizures are due to vitamin deficiencies. The enabler's solution is a vitamin regimen so the alcoholic does not get depleted during continuous alcohol consumption. Can't get my brother to realize he is an enabler. I have video from 1996, 2008, and the DT's from late March 2013. My hope is if anyone has seen the same and can tell me if the latest video you are about to see are DT's or a "vitamin deficiency" and get the enabler brother to stop enabling the alcoholic. Your experiences if helpful would be greatly appreciated. Sorry to those who don't have high speed connection to watch these videos. So will ask again, is what you see in the video from 2013 because of vitamin deficiency? Please opine and for those who respect this forum do not pass these links along to outsiders. The 2013 is 13 minutes long with not the greatest camera work. If you are short of time fast forward to the 9 minute mark on the 2013 video.

Since I am new to the forum I am not allowed to post links, this is an admin safegaurd to stop spammers, so if you reply to this thread it will go to my email and I will send you the links. If an admin would extend me the courtesy to check the links and post them that would be appreciated.

I didn't know I couldn't post links, but I will send links to vid to all who will take the time to help me out on this. thanks

Seren

Good morning, Buckyboy, welcome to SR!

One of the sad truths that I learned very early on is that I cannot control the alcoholic in my life. The second sad truth that I learned?

I cannot control the alcoholic's enablers, either.

Just as with someone who chooses to drink, those of us on this side of the coin are going to do what we do until we decide it's not working a look for another way.

Also, none of us are doctors...and even a doctor can't diagnose the DT's unless they have all the background information and blood tests from when a patient was admitted. Even if we watchn the video and sign a petition that you could give to your family--they still would not believe us if they don't believe the doctor.

What I can do is share my own personal experience with you. My stepson is the, well, most recent alcoholic in my life. He was admitted to the hospital over the summer of 2008 drunk as can be. Within 48 hours, he began to be combative and to hallucinate. For about a 24-hour period, he had to be strapped to the bed--but did not go into convulsions.

Welcome, again! I hope you will stick around and read all the threads you can. You definitely are among people who understand.

HopefulmomtoD

The alcoholic in my life is my 22 year old DS- fortunately, I've never had to witness DT's, so I would not be able to help you. But, as hydrogirl said, it doesn't really matter because there is NOTHING that you can say or do that will make your brother stop drinking or your brother's enablers stop enabling.

I understand how powerless you feel- I've been there with my DS. Its so hard to see people you love destroying themselves. If only they would listen to us, right?

Sadly, the only thing that you can do is work on yourself. You'll get a lot of support here and learn a lot, too. The first thing to start accepting are the three C's:

1. I did not cause this.
2. I can not control this.
3. I can not cure this.

redatlanta

Your brother probably does have a vitamin deficiency - caused from alcoholism. Alcoholics devise their own world and own truths(lies) - it is a disease of denial. It infects everyone around them if they will let it.

You can't make your brother stop drinking, you also can't make your family stop enabling. You CAN decide that your brother's alcoholism will no longer infect your own life.

I strongly encourage you to seek Al Anon. This will help you so much in learning how not only to deal with your A brother, but also your enabling family.

Sorry this is happening.

dandylion

Buckyboy, it sounds like he is still in the hospital. If I were in your shoes, I would ask the treating doctor to schedule a family conference and talk to all of you. This is done all the time--especially for patients with very serious prognosis. If you don't know how togo about this--contact the social work dept. in the hospital or, perhaps, talk with the head nurse or director of nursing.

The family or your brother are not going to believe any label that you place o n the symptoms---and they are certainly not going to change their behaviors based on the same.

I would bet my last dollar that your is heavily "editing" what the doctors have told him!!! He is just protecting his ability to drink.

You can't control your brother --or the rest of your family, for that matter.

You could always back away from the situation and make it clear that you are going to attend alanon. Perhaps the family will become desperate enough to follow you suit. *****At the least--you will recieve some support and comfort for yourself in this painful situation.

So many of us know the pain of seeing one of our loved ones in the grip of this savage disease.

sincerely, dandylion

wicked

If your brother has not done anything different in 25 years, then I think it is you who might need some help. Please get to AlAnon (for family members of substance abusers).

I say this with great respect for your struggle. I understand the desire to help someone, but it seems your brother does not want any help. He is very, very sick.

Beth

buckyboy

Thanks to everyone for chiming in on this thread. It is stated by others that "I have a problem" and AlAnon would help me. I will definitely look into ALAnon without fail. Don't see myself quitting in pointing the addict in the direction of recovery. This is called faith in the human spirit,and as experienced by many holy men who administer the last rights at a persons death bed who witness lifelong atheists and non-believers accepting Christ in their last breaths, this is my chosen path to see my brother through to the end. I am a gold prospector and just as I have burned 100's of hours looking for that elusive "big nugget" can't see myself relenting in pointing my brother in the direction to discover that "point of clarity" and make the decision for himself to change his direction.

buckyboy

Dandylion I am calling hospital right now to follow up on your suggestion.

Thanks

Tuffgirl

Welcome, buckyboy.

I have to agree with the others here - doesn't matter if we watch your video and all whole-heartedly agree that its DT's. Your brother's choices are his own to make. Not yours, not ours. His. And if he's been at it for 25 years, its highly unlikely a bunch of faceless strangers with fake names can make a difference.

But I remember being so desperate, too. My best friend died from alcoholism. There was nothing any of us could do. It can get that bad, and its scary.

Others make great points above. Let the health care providers talk to him.

Peace,
~T

Seren

Oh, I don't think any of us is saying that you have to give up hope that someday your brother will finally seek recovery. I think all of us have that hope about the people that we dearly love who are alcoholics. I, too, am a Christian and believe that all humans have an inherent dignity and worth.

I hope you understand that we are merely speaking from our own experiences. If you had any idea how many of us have either audio or video recorded someone we love when they were in the midst of a blackout episode or some other behavior either while drinking or while detoxing, you would be quite surprised. However, doing so, in my opinion, really is quite an invasion of privacy and shows a lack of respect for the person.

I think we all understand the desire to control the outcome of a bad situation. "If you could only see what you are doing to yourself and to the family!"

Alcohol is more powerful than our love. It's hold on the alcoholic is more powerful than all the love in the world. As one of our other moderators says: "If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here."

Alcohol is more powerful than all our talking, nagging, begging, pleading, tears, arguing, or ultimatums. Believe me, I have tried it all, and so have most of the other members here. None of it made any difference in the behaviors of the alcoholics in my life.

Believe it or not, you can have peace and joy again in your life regardless of whether your brother is drinking or not. I hope you can find that peace by reading and asking questions here on SR, or by finding a support group for those of us whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking.

I will pray for your brother, for you, and for your whole family.

Recovering2

Yes, your AB has a vitamin deficiency. Yes, your AB had DT's. These are all consequences of his disease. But if he's still not ready for treatment, it's beyond your control to do anything. You can show the video all day long, it changes nothing. He's not ready.

I have an AB who has reaked havac on my parents lives as well. And my parents continue to enable. I have learned through AlAnon to give them dignity as adults to make their own choices as to how they want to live their lives. I don't agree with their choices, it breaks my heart. But it is their decisions. I now know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to get my brother sober. Didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it. I also know now that when I step in to try and make things happen, I am in the way of their Higher Power. So I lovingly detach and take care of the only person who I can truly do anything about....me. Self care is important, it keeps me out of the chaos.

I hope you do find an AlAnon meeting. Start to see how this disease affects you as well, and keeps you spinning in unhealthy patterns. All the best.