now what?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2
now what?
Last night my (now ex) ABF broke up with me over the phone in a drunken rage. He has tried a few times this morning to get me to overlook his breaking up with me (claims that he did not mean it and I shouldn't take it seriously). I have stayed firm with him and have not taken him back. I want him to be gone from my life for good this time.
We dated for a year. The first six months were fairly nice, occasional arguments, but mostly nice times and he had a genuine commitment to not drinking. We were very close and felt that we would have a lasting future together. The last six months have been hell. He hasn't been able go more than a few days without drinking heavily and he is actively trying to obtain drugs. We are both students and now on spring break (he broke up with me about an hour after my last final exam), and he intends to spend it seeking for drugs. He tried to contact his brother (he grows marijuana), but his brother saw right through it and refused to be used for drug purposes. He sent me a text message saying that he was going out to try and score some heroin. I did not reply.
Where do I go from here? I want to heal from this relationship because I found him be emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I know that the best way to move forward is to reclaim my life and not have anything to do with him. But complete no contact seems impossible. I still go to the same school as him and will have to take classes with him because we have the same major. The class sizes are generally quite small, sometimes no more than 10 people. I can't escape his presence it seems. How do you move forward under such circumstances?
We dated for a year. The first six months were fairly nice, occasional arguments, but mostly nice times and he had a genuine commitment to not drinking. We were very close and felt that we would have a lasting future together. The last six months have been hell. He hasn't been able go more than a few days without drinking heavily and he is actively trying to obtain drugs. We are both students and now on spring break (he broke up with me about an hour after my last final exam), and he intends to spend it seeking for drugs. He tried to contact his brother (he grows marijuana), but his brother saw right through it and refused to be used for drug purposes. He sent me a text message saying that he was going out to try and score some heroin. I did not reply.
Where do I go from here? I want to heal from this relationship because I found him be emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I know that the best way to move forward is to reclaim my life and not have anything to do with him. But complete no contact seems impossible. I still go to the same school as him and will have to take classes with him because we have the same major. The class sizes are generally quite small, sometimes no more than 10 people. I can't escape his presence it seems. How do you move forward under such circumstances?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Well, it's going to be up to you to stay strong. You can start by blocking him on your phone, email and any other communication device. You can avoid him as much as possible and refuse to speak to him. Sure, it won't be easy, but if that's what you truly want, you're going to have to be the one to do it. He'll try to manipulate you, but you'll have to make sure he knows it is over, and then proceed accordingly.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 30
You need to lose contact with him. No phone, text, email, etc...
When you go back to school, go back as an adult with a mission/purpose in life. Don't worry about him, that's not why you are there. You are there to learn and make a wonderful life for yourself.
Take care of yourself. You deserve it! ((hugs))
When you go back to school, go back as an adult with a mission/purpose in life. Don't worry about him, that's not why you are there. You are there to learn and make a wonderful life for yourself.
Take care of yourself. You deserve it! ((hugs))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2
I'm definitely blocking all contact with him. I foresee manipulation attempts on his part and I want nothing to do with that. I am doing my best to detach from this. I took a walk today, got lunch by myself, and went to a record store to buy some music. It was all so peaceful I nearly cried. I am looking into the therapy available at my school so I can work on healing myself.
One thing I still have to figure out is how to get several library books checked out in my name out of his possession. They could cost me over a thousand dollars and that is not something I can easily afford. I'm so frustrated that I allowed him to borrow them.
One thing I still have to figure out is how to get several library books checked out in my name out of his possession. They could cost me over a thousand dollars and that is not something I can easily afford. I'm so frustrated that I allowed him to borrow them.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
taketothesky, maybe you can approach the library and ask for some advice. Maybe there's something they can do for you, like transfer the responsibility for those books from you to him. It might not work, but you can at least try.
Be thankful that library books are the worst worry. Be thankful that you don't have kids with this guy, you're not married to him, you don't have property with him, etc.
I think the longer you block him the more you'll find peace. Keep yourself occupied. Every time you think about him think about something else. Eventually you'll be completely over him and he'll just be a bad memory. You'll be free of the constant stress and worry he caused in your life.
Be thankful that library books are the worst worry. Be thankful that you don't have kids with this guy, you're not married to him, you don't have property with him, etc.
I think the longer you block him the more you'll find peace. Keep yourself occupied. Every time you think about him think about something else. Eventually you'll be completely over him and he'll just be a bad memory. You'll be free of the constant stress and worry he caused in your life.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
If the library books become an issue, just talk to the librarian about it. Something will work out. Block his email/text/phone @. If he persists, talk to campus police. Do NOT feel guilty about that. This is a progressive disease, and he's already dealing with rage at a young age. You need to distance yourself.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Can you go to a women's group on campus? I used to volunteer at a women's center and we had advocates to help women students who were dealing with abuse on campus. If not, a dean would be another person to go to. I don't know thespecifics of the abuse, but I would think an autority/advocate could support you and possibly keep him out of your classes.
I would suspect that the sooner he has consequences to face, the less likely he will be to abuse another young woman. Plus, there is the small matter of illegal drugs.
It isn't being punitive. It's about protecting your lovely self and maybe preventing another disaster.
Courage! And good for you for getting out of that mess!
I would suspect that the sooner he has consequences to face, the less likely he will be to abuse another young woman. Plus, there is the small matter of illegal drugs.
It isn't being punitive. It's about protecting your lovely self and maybe preventing another disaster.
Courage! And good for you for getting out of that mess!
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