The Insanity!
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The Insanity!
THE INSANITY
From the movie "My Name Is Bill W."© (Bill Wilson co-founder of AA)
Hallmark Hall of Fame
April 30, 1989
© 1989 by Warner Brothers
Starring James Wood as Bill Wilson
The scene is a living room. Bill is just down from another drunk and Lois comes home from work and sees him peering out a window. Hanging up her coat, she walks into the room and asks:
"Does it have anything to do with me...your drinking?" asks Lois.
"No, it's not you. It's me."
"Why? Why do you do it to yourself?" she asks.
"I've been standing here all afternoon asking myself the same question. I look out the window and I watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny, I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life, I mean like other people.
I feel different somehow, like I don't really measure up. Ever since I can remember, I've had this feeling, deep down in my gut...scared. I
see people laughing, at ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in, afraid that I won't be accepted.
And then overseas, I found that a drink...a few drinks...makes me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage...to be with people, do things...to dream. The money, the success, the respect...it was all good for a while, but it never seems enough.
I always want doubles of everything to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. And then, it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full of fear...so I drink. More. And it makes it OK for a while.
I convince myself that things will turn around, tomorrow, soon. That I'll make it all up to you. But it only gets worse.
I...I keep promising you, others, myself...'That's it, no more, going on the wagon. THAT'S IT!' And I think I mean it.
But the guilt and the depression...I can't look in the mirror, or at you...especially at you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God,
myself.
I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite of all this, what I want right now more than anything else...is another drink."
From the movie "My Name Is Bill W."© (Bill Wilson co-founder of AA)
Hallmark Hall of Fame
April 30, 1989
© 1989 by Warner Brothers
Starring James Wood as Bill Wilson
The scene is a living room. Bill is just down from another drunk and Lois comes home from work and sees him peering out a window. Hanging up her coat, she walks into the room and asks:
"Does it have anything to do with me...your drinking?" asks Lois.
"No, it's not you. It's me."
"Why? Why do you do it to yourself?" she asks.
"I've been standing here all afternoon asking myself the same question. I look out the window and I watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny, I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life, I mean like other people.
I feel different somehow, like I don't really measure up. Ever since I can remember, I've had this feeling, deep down in my gut...scared. I
see people laughing, at ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in, afraid that I won't be accepted.
And then overseas, I found that a drink...a few drinks...makes me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage...to be with people, do things...to dream. The money, the success, the respect...it was all good for a while, but it never seems enough.
I always want doubles of everything to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. And then, it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full of fear...so I drink. More. And it makes it OK for a while.
I convince myself that things will turn around, tomorrow, soon. That I'll make it all up to you. But it only gets worse.
I...I keep promising you, others, myself...'That's it, no more, going on the wagon. THAT'S IT!' And I think I mean it.
But the guilt and the depression...I can't look in the mirror, or at you...especially at you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God,
myself.
I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite of all this, what I want right now more than anything else...is another drink."
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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Powerful stuff, thanks for sharing Deeker!
I think it portrays the desperation underneath the nastiness that we read about here every day. I can see now that nastiness was related to the guilt and out-of-control feelings. But at the time, it was very hard not to take the attacks personally.
I think it portrays the desperation underneath the nastiness that we read about here every day. I can see now that nastiness was related to the guilt and out-of-control feelings. But at the time, it was very hard not to take the attacks personally.
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