luv2teachkids

AH was passed out by 6 last night. The kids were upstairs playing PS3 and I was just fooling around online. I got a text from a high school friend I haven't seen in 20 years. She was three blocks away from my house at a party and wanted me to stop by. Normally, I wouldn't leave, but I really wanted to see her. So, I let the boys go to a friend's house for the night and I went. Right as I was leaving, he woke up. I told him what I was doing and instantly I was deserting him in a time of need, going on a date, and being a bad mom by taking them to a friend's. He was also mad that I didn't leave the kids here with him. He said it shows I don't trust him and consider him part of my family unit.

Regardless, I went. I stayed for about three hours. During that time, he told me he was going out. I didn't text back. He told me I lied when I said yesterday I wanted to spend time with him. He said if I truly wanted to spend time with him, I would have stayed (cus quality time is watching someone sleep, right?). I never texted back.

I came home and he was pissy. I just went to bed. I woke up this morning at 8:30 and went to pick up my kids. I brought them home then I crawled back into bed. He got up furious with me. He showered and said he was leaving. Said he was not going to stay in a place where I judge him. Said he wished to just hang out in the bedroom, but I was there recovering from my date...

I never responded. He just left. He left without his computer or phone (two things he always has with him). And the cycle continues...

Katiekate

Sweetie, he is trying to guilt and shame you.

For nothing. It is just ********.

Don't buy it.

Let him go, he will be back. He is just trying to start a fight with you so you feel worse than he does and this will be his excuse for getting snot flying drunk again.

It is manipulation.

Quackity quack quack.

suki44883

Yep, I agree with Kate. He'll get over it. Or not. It doesn't really matter.

DaddyWolf

Luv2teachkids, Great job at not responding to his provocations! Do not feel guilty.

luv2teachkids

I don't feel guilty...rather I feel like if I didn't go out perhaps none of this would be dragging on to today.

suki44883

Sure it would, it just would have been something different. The fact that you did what you wanted to do and he didn't like it is why he's being so pissy. He lost control and didn't like that. You have every right to spend an evening doing what you want, especially if he's passed out on the couch. He has no right to expect you to sit home and babysit him.

Katiekate

grab your kids, go do something fun, try to forget about it, it will just be something else later.

LoveMeNow

Great job of taking care of YOU and the safety of your kids. He is living his life as he chooses and so should YOU!!

Picking a fight to go drink, as if he needs an excuse, is a tried and true tactic. Blame shifting, deflection, denial are so typical.

I hope you continue living your life - as it was meant to be lived...with joy and peace.

AnvilheadII

AH was passed out by 6 last night.

let's start here...so on a Saturday, traditionally a FAMILY day, after drinking a good portion of the day away, HE passed out. HE chose to drink, get drunk, and check out by 6 pm. that's how HE chose to spend the day. with zero consideration for anyone else. not his kids, not his wife, him him him.

you are not his captive, but he wants you held hostage in his little fiefdom. he wants to control you because he can't control himself. so he uses threats, tantrums, verbal abuse and accusations.

nothing you do will be good enough...in his mind. he will take and take, demand and demand, until you have nothing left. it's abuse plain and simple.

you did nothing wrong. you have every right to go spend time with friends. you did the right thing by NOT leaving children under the "care" of a drunk. he is not to be trusted. just as you wouldn't leave the boys with a drunk babysitter, they should never be left alone with him, IMHO. he is not SAFE.

you can end this cycle. he won't.

luv2teachkids

I am not a drinker..never have been much of one. At most, I will usually have a glass of wine if we go out, but that's it. Last night, I did have two drinks....and omg am I ever sick today. I feel just plain awful! (on top of the grief AH is giving me).

HOW IN THE WORLD DO PEOPLE DRINK AND FEEL THIS WAY THE NEXT DAY AND STILL FUNCTION?!?!?! This feeling is enough to make me never ever want to drink again.

AH came home for about five minutes. He went to make himself a sandwich and noticed I had no bread in the house and got mad and left. LOL. Guess he went to get bread? That was over an hour ago..

The kids and I are doing fine today though. I am getting my lesson plans done for the week and they are doing the usual...PS3.

GreenBeans

You did a great job by ignoring his texts and hateful attitude. Alcoholics can be jerks and overreact at the drop of a hat (I know, because I am one). Especially, when you chose your friends over him for once. I sense jealousy on his part.
Good job for going out and having fun. You deserved it!!

wicked

Well, function is not the word I would use for myself when I was drinking. It didn't matter how badly I felt, and I felt sick most of the time. Once the hangover faded a little, I was ready to drink another case of beer.
The definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. My resolve to control my drinking lasted as long as my hangover.

I think a normal person reacts as you did.
Alcohol equals sick.
To me, alcohol equaled numb, which was my goal.

Beth

Justfor1

luv2teach, some alcoholics get to a point where they only get sick when they are not drinking & withdrawing. When he left without his phone, hopefully, he did not jump in his car.

luv2teachkids

Yeah, he did drive off...he was gone for about four hours. He returned sober and very moody. He went to make a sandwich, got mad there wasn't any bread and left again to get some. An hour and a half later, he returned. He's not drinking (yet). He is in his room watching tv.

All is quiet for the moment. Me, on the other hand, I still feel like absolute sh**! Soooo not worth it!

GreenBeans

I'm sorry you feel so bad. Drink lots of water & take your vitamins. Gatorade is said to help, too.
Take care.

AnvilheadII

Soooo not worth it!

so doing something you want to do isn't worth it? you aren't worth it?

you are not responsible for his moods. HE IS. he's got this jerk thing down - nothing you do or do not do is at fault here. he's a grown man and owns his own emotional state. that he chooses to stomp around like an overgrown 5 year old is HIS PROBLEM.

he's a bully. what do you teach your students about bullying?

luv2teachkids

I agree..he is a bully!

AnvilheadII

ok...thanks for clarifying. cuz YOU are worth it.

thislonelygirl

Im going to go on a leap and assume he was drinking prior to sleeping as well?
If so and on that note...his logic is obsurd.
Im sure when you or he mention quality alone time it wasnt with a drunk either?
I cannot imagine anyone would want to soend quality time with an alcoholic who is drunk.
I sure do not and would rather leave not to mention he did fall asleep
However if drinking were not an issue in the relationship im sure 1. You two would actually spend time together 2. He would not feel "left out" or not "included" if he were trustworthy ie not drinking etc.

stella27

After 14 years of marriage and 3 years of divorce, I FINALLY figured out yesterday that the specific issue is not the issue that he's angry about.

It's the EXCUSE he's been looking for to get all nasty and abusive and blame-shifting with me. duh.