Flack from Setting Boundaries
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Flack from Setting Boundaries
This is the today's reading from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. I think so many of us struggle with the issue of boundaries, so I wanted to share:
When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.
When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.
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Whoops!!!! I didn't turn the page.....there was one more paragraph! Here it is:
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.
Last edited by Recovering2; 03-23-2013 at 09:21 PM. Reason: misw spell
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
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But it's so hard to change those gut reactions! Appease, keep the peace, etc. I've been quietly trying to adapt to living with a relapsed alcoholic over these last months. I regularly find myself doing what I think will cause the least trouble/drama for me in the short run. I think I'm probably not doing myself any favors in the long run, though.
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It is hard, Sueski. I find setting boundaries hard enough with people who aren't alcoholics. The irrational flack you cop from alcoholics and recovering alcoholics adds a whole different dimension.
Lucky we have Sober Recovery issuing daily reminders so we can keep on our toes. Thanks, Recovering.
Lucky we have Sober Recovery issuing daily reminders so we can keep on our toes. Thanks, Recovering.
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