Sally2222

Well, I had such a crappy day today. My A was in a mood, we went through the Tim hortons drivethru and he was mouthing me off, right infront of the open window where they could all hear. I was trying to block him out and the embarrasment while the ladies just stood there staring while I punched in my debit and he kept rambling on like a physco. We were on our way to work together this turned into a right out screaming match all the way to work. I was so angry I dropped him off and took off. After heading out home, I realized my tank was on empty, and I didn't have my debit card or my cell. But I did have a deposit to make. So brilliantly i decided I'd try to make it to the bank and then get gas. Well, I ran out of gass on the side of a busy hwy. (I remembered I had a gas can in the back of the truck) So I got out and filled the tank with the gas can (feeling like a total loser) while cars and cars slowly drove by. Then I drove to the bank, got my money, got my gas, and was so stressed I was fighting the urge for a cigerette, I was so angry. six months in and I just wanted one just to rebel and **** him off.
So I bought a pack of smokes (the smallest one they had)and lit it up and it was sooooooo relieving. I then drove through another Tim hortons to get another coffee i could actually enjoy. I started down the road, and realized I had paid and drove off without my coffee.........so I turned around, went back through the drive thru and explained that I had forgotten my coffee......oh they remembered me.........big grin on his face......I got my coffee, had another smoke.....and threw the smokes out, went back to my gum.
and that was my wonderful day. Now I sit in isolation in avoidance.........no more stress for today.......

luv2teachkids

So sorry to hear your day was bad...I'm with you in isolation tonight. I have chosen to waste time on Pinterest looking for inspiring quotes to keep strength and to find peace...somehow that helps me

CeciliaV

So sorry it was a bad day! I'm also on the list of folks in self-imposed isolation this evening. Sending you strength & hugs

akalacha

(((Sally))) I've had days like that. (And probably most of the folks here can relate, too.) You just do the best that you can at the time. Sounds like you did that. I also had given up smoking but had occasional relapses when dealing with my A was just too stressful. I understand the good feeling of relief a smoke brings. But glad you threw out the rest of the pack. And glad you went back and got your coffee! Hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day.

wicked

I think this was an excellent choice in self care after the ride!
Keep remembering you are the important one in your life.
I, too, am in self imposed isolation, reading Sober Recovery and watching Investigation Discovery.

Beth

janiebluebird

Just one of those days. I had a crappy day, too. I woke up so sick, with a sore throat, cold, congestion and basically got nothing accomplished. At least I didn't have any urge to go out tonight or do anything besides stay in bed. Watched a marathon of How I Met Your Mother and crying at all the Ted & Robin parts.. ahh. Really, one of those days.

I'm just wondering, is your relationship always this stressful?

CeciliaV

Oy, sounds like there's a lot of us in self-imposed isolation tonight. Too bad we can't all be isolated together with some Timbits. (Oh, how I miss Tim Hortons...)

Sally2222

No, it's not always like this, but it is like this sometimes, if that makes any sense. We are a work in progress, He is four years sober this summer, We work together and probably spend too much time together.
We are still learning as we go(making up the rule's as we go).
Trying to keep our heads above water, Do we have unresolved issues...oh yes, Communication, trust.......amazing how you can spend every moment together and never really communicate.
This is one of the things Im working on now, I've learned that first I must take my own inventory, (I'm not perfect either)damn. And I've learned it helps not to talk in attack mode.......I've become aware of that lately. I would never feel safe sharing with someone who is attacking me.
anyway, one day at a time.........good weekend, time apart, must have needed it.
Thanks all

AnvilheadII

sally, what concerns me is how over the top he was and how utterly disrespectful, esp in a public setting. there is absolutely NO excuse for that. and then you two devolve into a screaming match.

if this is him at 4 years sober, what the heck was he like before?? I say this out of concern for you and your well being...your mental state was thrown into upheaval and you reacted on impulse and then made a series of rash decisions.

looking back over this incident, what could YOU have done differently? and I don't mean what could you have done to change how HE acted, but at the first sign of conflict, what are some other choices you could have made to avoid getting embroiled in a screaming match? and what boundaries do you have in place regarding how people are allowed to treat you?

Sally2222

What I could have done differently, well, usually I do handle it differently. When I feel he’s in a mood, I usually try to defuse the situation. Not play into his rambling on or venting, usually I can over look it and I understand he’s overwhelmed, tired, stressed ext.
But it was a particularly difficult week of me being all hormonal and not sleeping correctly, tired, stressed over worked, overwhelmed. I had finally reached the point where I couldn’t be the one to be in control and defuse the situation. I had to say my peace too.
I hate to be embarrassed, that’s one of the worst things you can do to someone is publicly humiliate them (in my books). And it was embarrassing because usually he does give a damn too.
I blew my top.
Since I am the driver, I didn’t really feel there were many options, since I couldn’t get out, I thought getting him out would be the best way to end the situation and that’s what I did. Is drop him off and go and take some time to calm down.
The cigarette part, I could have handled better but I didn’t, I felt like I just wanted to break the damn rule’s and say to hell with it. Thankfully, I had enough sense or whatever you want to call it to throw the rest away. It was a crappy day.
I learned that when I’m tired or overwhelmed to go into self care……..take the time away that I need.
I always knew I needed it, but when you have a family and a business it’s not always an option.
I need to learn to make that time, to make myself a priority.
It seems I’m the family soundboard, mediator, peacekeeper and frankly I’d really like to step down from that position. Because it’s never ending. It’s a never ending house of mood swings so much so that I can hardly hear myself think. I’m so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs and spread so thinly that im probably not doing a great job at any of them.
So what I could do differently is TAKE A TIME OUT FOR ME………with no smoking involved.
I want to live with the Dalia Lama

janiebluebird

Haha what makes you want to live with the dalia lama? I guess it would be very peaceful and enlightening? I want to live with Oprah. Not because of her wealth, but to grub off her wisdom.

redatlanta

Having read your other post .....sounds like you have-had-it....with this type of situation happening.

Being sober is more than about not drinking. It sounds ridiculous to say but not drinking is the easy part, the hard part is to correct poor behaviors which can (and often do)still live once the bottle is gone.

Have you considered marriage counseling? Considered getting another job since you have pointed out spending so much time together might be part of the problem?

Sally2222

I've considered all of them. There are always plenty of options. One day at a time. Upward and onward.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.
Feelin somewhat sane today, going to take a walk and nourish my soul.