luv2teachkids

one sober night equals probably two or three drunk ones to come...

Even after yesterday's email (which, by the way, happened to be on a day he had to stay sober to drop a urine test), he decided to drink tonight. Scary thing is that he doesn't really even hide it. i mean, he hid it in that I don't see a bottle out. However, I had to work late tonight for a school carnival, and he actually had the nerve to text me to ask me if I wanted a "nightcap" with him tonight? Really? NO!

I stopped home for all of ten minutes before the boys and I walked right back out the door. We did a few errands and then returned to my classroom (my work is three blocks away). The boys played on the ipads and texted friends while I just chilled for a bit until I knew he was asleep.

Just sad..this whole situation is just sad. But, I think I am learning. I can't wait until Monday night to finally enter an Alanon meeting.

EnglishGarden

This is life with an alcoholic.

It hurts, I know, and you haven't been married long--two years--and already you are finding safe places to be, away from home and away from him.

I hope the Al-Anon group on Monday is a meeting you feel is a good fit for you, but if not, I hope you'll try another. Before forums like these began, I think it was estimated that it would be years in Al-Anon before most spouses of alcoholics were ready to take concrete action to change the situation with the alcoholic. But now I think people become educated much more quickly through the sharing of stories so specific in detail, as on this online forum, that we see the syndrome more clearly, we see the script we are living being also lived in the same way by others, and having that eagle's eye view of the syndrome, some of us are able to feel more confident that we are not the mess or the disappointment the alcoholic says we are. When we see what game he's playing, we can become more confident about our boundaries.We actually begin to do what the experts advise: "whatever you've been doing in your alcoholic marriage, in recovery do the opposite." When an event happens, when a crisis occurs, whatever your usual reaction would have been, do the opposite! I found this to be very helpful in my recovery.

For example, when I was married to an alcoholic, one morning I woke up to find his car in the driveway was absolutely coated--every inch of it--with a thick layer of mud. Apparently the night before he'd gone out and gotten stuck somewhere and in his drunkenness kept spinning those wheels until every solid inch of the WHITE TOYOTA was solid brown mud.

He was upstairs sleeping off his drunk. And what did I do: Of course! I drove it to the car wash!!!! I was very embarrassed but I did it anyway. It was nice and clean when he woke up! Problem solved. I had no education about alcoholism, about enabling, about boundaries, about consequences. So I swooped right in and solved HIS PROBLEM.

Had I been in recovery (I hadn't yet even heard of Al-Anon), believe me, I would have done the exact opposite of my impulse to FIX HIS DISASTERS.

So, I hope you find a good group. Pick up the brochure "Alcoholism: The Merry-Go-Round Called Denial." I always carried one in my purse.

You need recovery support there. If you try to go this alone, you will become lost in the wilderness. His addiction is more powerful than you. Your job is to protect your children, first and foremost. Their childhood is like sand in an hourglass. Don't let their short time of innocence be taken away by an alcoholic tyrant. Get help. Change your reactions. Then if he does not get his alcoholic act together, get the children out of that environment. They should not be paying a price in anxiety, depression, or low self-worth because they had to spend their young lives with an alcoholic.

Hoping the meeting will be a good one and you can find people there with genuinely strong recovery.