Hired an pitbull for a lawyer
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Hired an pitbull for a lawyer
Well, I met with a lawyer that came highly recommended by several trusted contacts...was told he is very good and expensive ($350/hr) but highly respected in my city. I met with him Weds. He told me it is unlikely my AXGF with get anywhere since she has no legal standing, but adviced me (whether I hired him or not) not to go to court without a lawyer. I guess the referee is new and has only been there 2 months. This situation is rather unique and either way, I will need a lawyer to change my son's birth certificate.
My ex called last night, under the pretense of she thought she missed a call from me. She brought up the upcoming court date and i told her I hired a lawyer and it is likely the date will be postponed. She was angry. Got into the "poor me" mode of she hadn't seen the kids since blah blah and not that I cared...etc. I felt like saying "get used to the idea because when you lose it will be the way it is!" but didn't. I did tell her in a flat tone that his is suppose to be excellent and he had asked me to get out of his way since he is focused on winning my case...therefore since I am paying him alot of money to do that, he is handling everything. I also mentiond that it is going to cost me probably $5000 to change the birth certificate and my son's name but I will right my mistake. My son will not go through life with that to deal with. I needed her to know how serious I was. She turned into evil drunk...calling me names, accusing me of things, etc. I hung up. I sometimes think this IS therapeutic. It reminds me of what asshat she is and why I don't want to be with her. Anyway, it is all very finalizing. I have decided that when i win, she won't have contact with them again...for alot of reasons. I have spent alot of time listening to everything you have said here and realize she has nothing positive to offer my kids as long as she is actively drinking. Second, she didn't give a sh*t about me, my feelings, what I was going thru. i had a nagging suspicion for years that she was only tolerating me to have access to my kids...this seems to prove it. Lastly, she doesn't respect me or even like me...why would I want someone like that around my children? Anyway, THANK YOU to everyone who has responded, supported me, shared their perspective and story. It truly helps.
My ex called last night, under the pretense of she thought she missed a call from me. She brought up the upcoming court date and i told her I hired a lawyer and it is likely the date will be postponed. She was angry. Got into the "poor me" mode of she hadn't seen the kids since blah blah and not that I cared...etc. I felt like saying "get used to the idea because when you lose it will be the way it is!" but didn't. I did tell her in a flat tone that his is suppose to be excellent and he had asked me to get out of his way since he is focused on winning my case...therefore since I am paying him alot of money to do that, he is handling everything. I also mentiond that it is going to cost me probably $5000 to change the birth certificate and my son's name but I will right my mistake. My son will not go through life with that to deal with. I needed her to know how serious I was. She turned into evil drunk...calling me names, accusing me of things, etc. I hung up. I sometimes think this IS therapeutic. It reminds me of what asshat she is and why I don't want to be with her. Anyway, it is all very finalizing. I have decided that when i win, she won't have contact with them again...for alot of reasons. I have spent alot of time listening to everything you have said here and realize she has nothing positive to offer my kids as long as she is actively drinking. Second, she didn't give a sh*t about me, my feelings, what I was going thru. i had a nagging suspicion for years that she was only tolerating me to have access to my kids...this seems to prove it. Lastly, she doesn't respect me or even like me...why would I want someone like that around my children? Anyway, THANK YOU to everyone who has responded, supported me, shared their perspective and story. It truly helps.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay!! NOW you are cookin' with gas!
Seriously--for all the bad raps we lawyers get, there is nothing like having a hired gun by your side in court. I look at it this way--part of the service they provide is to do the worrying FOR you. They don't have the emotional involvement you do--so they can see clearly what moves to make, and the best way for you to walk away with the result you want. Trust your lawyer, follow his advice.
I smell freedom coming your way.
Oops, yeah, Purple just reminded me. One of the BEST things about having a lawyer is that they provide a valuable buffer. Ask your lawyer to send her a letter (it will look all official on letterhead and all) instructing her to direct ALL communications to him, not to you.
Seriously--for all the bad raps we lawyers get, there is nothing like having a hired gun by your side in court. I look at it this way--part of the service they provide is to do the worrying FOR you. They don't have the emotional involvement you do--so they can see clearly what moves to make, and the best way for you to walk away with the result you want. Trust your lawyer, follow his advice.
I smell freedom coming your way.Oops, yeah, Purple just reminded me. One of the BEST things about having a lawyer is that they provide a valuable buffer. Ask your lawyer to send her a letter (it will look all official on letterhead and all) instructing her to direct ALL communications to him, not to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
There is no benefit in trying to talk with her about the lawyer. She's drinking, it will only fuel her fire. I would have no further contact, let her talk with your lawyer. Have your lawyer send the letter that Lexie recommends. If she pulls some crap by having a friend contact you to try and get info, let them know all communications go through your lawyer and shut it down. Good Luck!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Wow, PattyG, you have turned a major major corner! The resolve, determination, and clarity in your voice is awesome.
You have fully digested this situation, for the present, and for the future for your kids, and your actions are based on this knowledge of what you want to happen for you and your kids. You are looking at the beginning of a much less chaotic and more stable, serene and positive life. And the lawyer is the way to go to get that.
I'm in awe!
Print your post out and put it on your refrigerator, on your mirrors, everywhere to remind yourself if you, like me, sometimes forget!
ShootingStar1
You have fully digested this situation, for the present, and for the future for your kids, and your actions are based on this knowledge of what you want to happen for you and your kids. You are looking at the beginning of a much less chaotic and more stable, serene and positive life. And the lawyer is the way to go to get that.
I'm in awe!
Print your post out and put it on your refrigerator, on your mirrors, everywhere to remind yourself if you, like me, sometimes forget!
ShootingStar1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
ShootingStar thanks!! I guess you don't realize it when you're living it. I honestly haven't cried in awhile. I have been focusing on my kids, my relationship with Jesus and getting healthy emotionally. I spend a lot of time on SR, and other sites. I joined match.com and Christian mingles just to look...see that there is life after this h*ll of a relationship with an A. I read everyone else's stories and see my own situation in them. It has been 2 months since i found out that she filed, 2 months away from her. I am proud of myself. In the beginning the urge to contact her, beg her to come back was so strong. The ONLY thing that prevented it was my kids. Not for myself or because I deserved more....but because of them. Magical thinking was my downfall frequently...if only this if only that. Not reality that she was a ******** to me 99x out of 100. (Yep I used that word!)
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