LaTeeDa

I'd bet money that he is attempting to manipulate the therapist. And you.

BTW, SR is a great tool for discerning patterns. Go take a look at all the threads you've started since you came here. It seems that roughly once a month he gets all nice and remorseful. And roughly once a month you post about it, wondering if he really means it this time....

L

Tuffgirl

This thread reminds me of the quote "the road to hell is paved in good intentions..."

AnvilheadII

As AH has said before(way back in October), the proof will be in the pudding. To which I say, "Yes, yes it will and we will see."

and how long does pudding take to set?

LexieCat

No doubt he is. Very common.

lizatola

Yes!! I saved all his emails full of remorse....only time will tell. All I know is that I'm tired of his ups and downs and each time he decries: I'm changing and I'm willing, it's going to take more time for me to come around, if at all. There may just be too much water under the bridge at this point. I may be able to forgive but my anger may be too deep and honestly, I feel that it's justifiable anger and that it has a purpose in my life right now. I am not an angry person at heart, but I know that all our dysfunction has created anger that is unhealthy and needs to be dealt with. Not sure I can deal with it when the thing I'm angry at the most is constantly in my face every day, LOL!

LoveMeNow

Reading about trauma bonding has been so helpful to me. We don't deserve crumbs - we deserve the whole cake.

LaTeeDa

Liz, you've been posting here for a year and a half. You keep saying only time will tell, but from where I sit, it's already told. I know you want to believe that he is changing, but if you look at where you were a year ago compared to where you are now, it's not changing. Writing letters and emails does not equal change. Being "nice" in hopes of getting sex does not equal change. Therapist shopping till he finds someone he can snow does not equal change. Change equals change. And, from what you've posted, I can't see change. All I see is same stuff, different day...it's no wonder you're angry.

L

debbiesday

I don't understand the weird way of mentioning your anger...

it is almost like the therapist had to tell him of course you would be angry, like he never realized it before

I think the whole thing is to cycle you back into the pattern he is uncomfortable with you in whatever you are doing, so you got this letter to make you remember to be like you were before

dandylion

:horseLiz, I suggest that alanon would be a better place to work on your anger than "marriage counseling" with an ACTIVE alcoholic. Everyone in alanon is on YOUR side, there. It is cheaper, too.

sincerely, dandylion

Florence

Which would be completely expected of a Narcissist! Narcissists don't have relationships. They have mirrors. He really wishes his mirror had a nicer reflection of him. He's not happy his mirror reflects poorly on him.

We say it all the time here, and I see you saying it to other people, Liz, but being unable to apply it to your own marriage: "Don't listen to what he says, listen to what he DOES."

Liz, I beg you, stop the marriage counseling. Do individual counseling. Narcissists and active addicts can't be counseled. Nothing you do in that therapist's office will save him or his relationships until he's sober. Even if he's sober, Narcissists don't respond to counseling. If he's a Narcissist, he will use the marriage counseling sessions to hook the therapist and have the therapist complicit in his gaslighting of you and help emotionally beat you into compliance. This is what Narcissists do. It's in the research and the case studies.