going to court today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
going to court today
Today is the preliminary exam for my exah and the charge I pressed against him for aggravated stalking. I'm meeting with the prosecutor this morning to discuss my testimony and I expect to be on the stand this afternoon.
I'm working to keep things in perspective. There are really just two issues at stake today. One, I got a PPO which prohibits him from contacting me and our son. I suppose I'll have to testify a bit about his behavior that led up to the issuance of that order. I'll have to recount his menacing, erractic, and pschotic behavior. Two, I'll have to testify how he has repeatedly violated this order from his jail cell over the last four months.
Seems pretty straightforward and simple when I look at it in those terms. If I can just let the logical part of my brain take over today, I'll get through this no problem.
Easier said than done, I'm afraid.
The last time I laid eyes on my exah, he was psychotic...He was talking about how he can talk to dead people and see the future. His behavior scared me. But I could also see how scared he was too. My exah suffers from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Whether this illness is due to years of drug and alcohol abuse or whether it has different origins, I don't know. I've stopped trying to figure it out.
But underneath the insanity, there is a man I loved very deeply at one time. That man is gone, however, and in his place is a mentally ill person who scares me.
Today, I have to face this person...whoever he is.... in court. If I only see the psychotic person, I am afraid that my panic disorder will kick in and I will be traumatized. If I see the person I used to love so much, I may be overcome by sadness and grief.
This whole situation seems unreal to me. But it is real. It's very real. Today I have to be brave and strong and testify against this person in hopes that our son and I can have a more peaceful and safer life going forward.
I'm praying for strength. I'm trying to keep my head in a good place. If you could send some prayers my way, I sure would appreciate it.
I'm working to keep things in perspective. There are really just two issues at stake today. One, I got a PPO which prohibits him from contacting me and our son. I suppose I'll have to testify a bit about his behavior that led up to the issuance of that order. I'll have to recount his menacing, erractic, and pschotic behavior. Two, I'll have to testify how he has repeatedly violated this order from his jail cell over the last four months.
Seems pretty straightforward and simple when I look at it in those terms. If I can just let the logical part of my brain take over today, I'll get through this no problem.
Easier said than done, I'm afraid.
The last time I laid eyes on my exah, he was psychotic...He was talking about how he can talk to dead people and see the future. His behavior scared me. But I could also see how scared he was too. My exah suffers from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Whether this illness is due to years of drug and alcohol abuse or whether it has different origins, I don't know. I've stopped trying to figure it out.
But underneath the insanity, there is a man I loved very deeply at one time. That man is gone, however, and in his place is a mentally ill person who scares me.
Today, I have to face this person...whoever he is.... in court. If I only see the psychotic person, I am afraid that my panic disorder will kick in and I will be traumatized. If I see the person I used to love so much, I may be overcome by sadness and grief.
This whole situation seems unreal to me. But it is real. It's very real. Today I have to be brave and strong and testify against this person in hopes that our son and I can have a more peaceful and safer life going forward.
I'm praying for strength. I'm trying to keep my head in a good place. If you could send some prayers my way, I sure would appreciate it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
outonalimb, yes, you ARE working hard to keep your head in a good place!I will be praying for you and thinking about you as you are in court.
Let us know how it goes. I will be waiting to see. I have a feeling that you will surprise yourself.
sincerely, dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 211
You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just remember, you have more strength than you realize...no matter which way this goes in regard to "which one" you see today, you can do this. This day is only one day in the rest of your life. It will be over and you will not have to repeat this same day. Hang in there. Let us know how you make out. Hugs.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Remember:
While on the stand, look out at where the 'audience' would sit and picture all of us sitting there with smiles on our faces and 'thumbs up' gestures on both of our hands.
We will be with you!!!!
I know you will do great. Listen to the questions and only answer yes or no unless the question allows you to expand your answer. I am sure the prosecutor will ask the right questions but you never know with the defense attorney if there is one.
Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
While on the stand, look out at where the 'audience' would sit and picture all of us sitting there with smiles on our faces and 'thumbs up' gestures on both of our hands.
We will be with you!!!!
I know you will do great. Listen to the questions and only answer yes or no unless the question allows you to expand your answer. I am sure the prosecutor will ask the right questions but you never know with the defense attorney if there is one.
Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I can only begin to imagine how difficult it will be to face your ex-husband in court today!
I'm sending along the SR Codie Security Blanket (just back from the cleaner)! It's filled with our good wishes and prayers, and you can wrap it around you when you need to feel safe
You will do great! Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, your ex-husband will truly get the help he needs.
I'm sending along the SR Codie Security Blanket (just back from the cleaner)! It's filled with our good wishes and prayers, and you can wrap it around you when you need to feel safe
You will do great! Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, your ex-husband will truly get the help he needs.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Try your best not to look at him, except for the moment, if you are asked, when you must identify him in court. Look at the prosecutor or attorney who is asking you questions. Or speak in the direction of the judge. Turn your seat slightly to the side so you aren't facing him directly.
Remember, all you are expected to do is to speak the truth to the best of your ability. The rest will take care of itself. The rest--the outcome--is out of your hands. Your Higher Power will take care of you; his will take care of him.
Many hugs--I am certain you will not panic. You know what happened, you are strong enough to speak the truth.
Remember, all you are expected to do is to speak the truth to the best of your ability. The rest will take care of itself. The rest--the outcome--is out of your hands. Your Higher Power will take care of you; his will take care of him.
Many hugs--I am certain you will not panic. You know what happened, you are strong enough to speak the truth.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
oh gracious - i can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you - please know prayers have been said for you for the strength, courage and wisdom you need to get thru this; prayers have also been said for the judge to see the truth of the situation, for compassion from all parties so that what you have to go thru will be a minimum
and last but not least also prayers for your ex - that he can be given the medical help that he needs too
gentle pink hugs (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity) for you on this difficult day
and last but not least also prayers for your ex - that he can be given the medical help that he needs too
gentle pink hugs (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity) for you on this difficult day
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Will keep you in my thoughts - best case the Judge also sees his psychotic side and he gets the treatment that he needs - going on to have a worthwhile life not ruled by an untreated mental illness.
Please keep us updated.
Please keep us updated.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Outonalimb,
I am thinking of you right now, it is almost lunch time.
Wrap yourself in the clean, warm strength of the SR Codie Security Blanket.
You have made it this far, and you can finish it. I know this.
Beth
(Now, I will use my Super Codie Powers to bring Spring to southeast Michigan!)
I am thinking of you right now, it is almost lunch time.
Wrap yourself in the clean, warm strength of the SR Codie Security Blanket.
You have made it this far, and you can finish it. I know this.
Beth
(Now, I will use my Super Codie Powers to bring Spring to southeast Michigan!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
UPDATE - court today
Wow. Whew. Thank God that's over.
I was scared to death heading into this today. I didn't know what to do with myself with about 2 hours to spare before the hearing would start so I went shoe shopping and bought three new pairs of shoes. Retail therapy at its finest.
And then I strutted into that courtroom sporting a brand new shiny pair of black pumps and I took the stand and the nerves just fell by the wayside. I took a deep breath and I looked out into the gallery and I saw all of you...my SR friends...I saw your your signs...
...I saw you doing the wave. I put on the SR blanket that you sent (a pretty, snuggly little number with little purple rosebuds).
Once the questions started, I answered them without any problem. I didn't have a panic attack. I didn't feel scared or angry or intimidated. You know how I felt? I felt strong and empowered. I felt like the woman I used to be before life with an addict/alcoholic/ manipulating mentally ill person took over.
And ya know what? When I looked at my exah I felt nothing. No anger. No pity. No fear. No regrets. I might as well have been looking at a stranger. He IS a stranger to me. That in and of itself is priceless.
I took my power back today. And I feel reallly good. And I just want you to know that as I sat in a tiny little conference room, waiting for them to usher me into the courtroom, I logged onto SR on my phone and I read your replies and I smiled. You were all there with me today. I wish I could tell you how much it meant at that very moment.
Anyway, I just want you all to know that I made it out alive. I'm exhausted from all the nervous energy I burned today but I feel good and I' gonna sleep like a baby tonight for the first time in months.
You guys are the best. Thank you so much for your support today.
Your tired but victorious pal....
Mary
I was scared to death heading into this today. I didn't know what to do with myself with about 2 hours to spare before the hearing would start so I went shoe shopping and bought three new pairs of shoes. Retail therapy at its finest.
And then I strutted into that courtroom sporting a brand new shiny pair of black pumps and I took the stand and the nerves just fell by the wayside. I took a deep breath and I looked out into the gallery and I saw all of you...my SR friends...I saw your your signs...
...I saw you doing the wave. I put on the SR blanket that you sent (a pretty, snuggly little number with little purple rosebuds). Once the questions started, I answered them without any problem. I didn't have a panic attack. I didn't feel scared or angry or intimidated. You know how I felt? I felt strong and empowered. I felt like the woman I used to be before life with an addict/alcoholic/ manipulating mentally ill person took over.
And ya know what? When I looked at my exah I felt nothing. No anger. No pity. No fear. No regrets. I might as well have been looking at a stranger. He IS a stranger to me. That in and of itself is priceless.
I took my power back today. And I feel reallly good. And I just want you to know that as I sat in a tiny little conference room, waiting for them to usher me into the courtroom, I logged onto SR on my phone and I read your replies and I smiled. You were all there with me today. I wish I could tell you how much it meant at that very moment.
Anyway, I just want you all to know that I made it out alive. I'm exhausted from all the nervous energy I burned today but I feel good and I' gonna sleep like a baby tonight for the first time in months.
You guys are the best. Thank you so much for your support today.
Your tired but victorious pal....
Mary
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Aw, Mary!!!
Good for YOU. You know what, that is EXACTLY how I thought it would go (well--except for the black pumps--that was a nice, creative bit of improv on your part).
I am so, so proud of you, and so happy that it went so well.
This is a great reminder to us all that our fears are usually 99 percent worse than reality.
Hugs!!!!
Good for YOU. You know what, that is EXACTLY how I thought it would go (well--except for the black pumps--that was a nice, creative bit of improv on your part).
I am so, so proud of you, and so happy that it went so well.
This is a great reminder to us all that our fears are usually 99 percent worse than reality.
Hugs!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
This must be so very hard for you.
Try to think of it as a step in moving forward in your life.
The most important issue of all here is your safety & you must do what you have to do to keep safe for yourself & your child.
Yes you loved him but that man is gone.
You & your child have a second chance at life.
My thoughts & prayers go with you.
Try to think of it as a step in moving forward in your life.
The most important issue of all here is your safety & you must do what you have to do to keep safe for yourself & your child.
Yes you loved him but that man is gone.
You & your child have a second chance at life.
My thoughts & prayers go with you.
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