my3sonsnme

My STBX contacted me this morning by text...
here is the situation, he has 2 of our dogs at his house, he has not taken care of them well. They are filthy and over weight and he keeps them locked up in a kennel. he works from 60 -80 hours a week and is never there.

Our black lab started to get a growth on one of her nipples. My son noticed it and was asking his father about it and was very concerned. He is a huge animal lover. Since my son and his father spend very little time together my son doesnt see the dogs reg. last time he was over the growth had gotten quite a bit larger and she had lost a lot of weight. Also obviousely had not had a bath is a long time. my son flipped out and lost it on his dad. he said he was tired of his dad disrespectingevery thing around him...told him he wasnt speaking to him again until he did something to take care of the dog.

I called and told him he was welcome to bring her over and I would take care of her. he refused. he continued to down play it to our son and they have not spoken since. That was about 4 weeks ago...

This morning he sends a message that she has gone from bad to worse and he is going to put her down. wants to know if our son wants to come over and say good by....

I am disgusted with how he has handled this but not shocked. Our son is going to completely lose it. I dont know how to respond orif I should at all.

I feel horrible that she suffered for the last months of her life...

I dont even want to tell our son but I know I have to ....

I dont know, just at a complete loss here...

LexieCat

I would suggest telling him to contact your son directly. No point in your getting in the middle of this one. He's trying to get you to take the brunt of the "breaking the news". Let him do it. Whether he does, or does not, tell your son, your son will be upset when he finds out.

How old is your son?

my3sonsnme

He just turnded 16 last week...

I think I will just have him call his dad today when he gets home from school. If I tell him that his dad has something to tell him I think he will do it...he has been refuseing to call him.
I would like to see her and say good by also but that does not seem possible. She is 14 yrs old. we have had her since she was a puppy and our son was 2...Im so sad for her.
but i in no way want to have to see or speak to him so I guess I will say good by in my own way...

nancylee

Try to get the other dog away from him. Call animal control in your town if he won't give her up. what he did to that poor dog is animal abuse. Please give your other dog a chance of living a decent life.

LexieCat

Good idea. You could plant a little tree or something in her memory. Maybe involve your son in it. Have a garden stone engraved.

I'm so sorry--it always hurts to lose a beloved pet.

Sungrl

Not sure why the poor dog was not immediatley removed from his house 4 weeks ago.

jessiec

Animal abuse/neglect is at least a misdemeanor if not a felony in many jurisdictions ...

CeciliaV

I'm so sorry, it just saddens me to hear this. I feel for you and your son - this can't be an easy thing.

And here's where I put on my animal-advocate hat. I am not sure what the laws are like in your area, but filing and proving an animal neglect case can be difficult, so I can't say whether I would advise pursuing an animal neglect/abuse case. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change what's already happened, but you may be able to help keep the other dog from suffering a similar fate. Do you have the means to take in the other dog? If he's working that much, the other dog is not getting the care and enrichment that he/she needs and deserves, and he may come to welcome removing that "burden" of time and effort and cost that would come with giving up the dog. There are so many victims in addiction, and it would be even sadder to add another animal to the list.

keepingmyjoy1

Since there has been plenty said about animal advocacy, and I am all for it, I realize that you probably thought that since he is a huge animal lover that it would not come to this-not in this way.

I agree with Lexie...he should tell his son himself. You should not have to give the horrendous news to your son. This is one of those times, like so many times, us moms need to be there to comfort and support and listen. I know you will lovingly support your son through this. I am so sorry that this painful thing is happening to you both.

I have a story where with my 1st husband, we lost our dog before we could go back for him (I had to escape with my purse, daughter and car--long story). Ex said he was hit by a car. We don't believe that is what happened. I share this only because I cried harder than I had cried ever up to that point in my life. I know how painful this is.

I will pray for you both.

Recovering2

I agree to let your STBX face up to this himself and speak directly with your son. NO reason for you to be involved in that part of this. You will be there for your son in the aftermath. I would also agree that if your son goes to see the dog, that he takes the other dog back with him to your house. You can't leave another helpless dog in harms way.

I'm so sorry this is happening.

Rosiepetal

Your story is just awful.
I don't know what to say & others have given good advice so I'm just going to send you a big HUG

my3sonsnme

I did not tell my son anything...as soon as we got home I told him he needed to call his dad, that he had something he needed to tell him. When he got off the phone he was pretty upset and had plans to go over there this evening..his dad told him that she probabley would not make it threw the night, He told my son that he is calling around to find a vet that will come to the house to put her to sleep but of course he is at work and didn't know when he would pick him up. Its been 3 hours, my son just sent him a message and told him he didn't want to see her like that and that he didn't want to go.
the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach.

I am at a loss as to what to do about our other dog...I understand all your comments...I feel the same way. This has been an on going problem. When I left him I could not take them since I was in a rental and landlord would not allow it. He was in our family home that eventually sold a year ago. When he moved we had talked about finding them a better home and he said he was going to send them to a friend that had a ranch (I have no idea who he was talking about) Suddenly he decided he couldn't do it and found a rental that had a dog kennel on the side of the house and kept them.

I cant just go and get the other dog...I don't have the yard for her nor will my landlord allow it. I feel horrible that this is happening to them but Its out of my control. I plan on mentioning to him that he should work on finding a better home for the other dog, I am actually trying to find one for her myself also. Any contact with him is so unpleasant (to say the least) that if it wasn't for the poor dogs I wouldn't even get involved.

I know that they are being neglected...I know it is cruel and disgusting...but I have not llived with this man for 3 yrs. He is a grown freaken man...and I have had my hands full raising my 3 sons by myself with absolutely no help or support from him at all, other then financial.
He absolutely disgust me ....

my3sonsnme

just an update...

We did not hear from him last night after he spoke to my son..he had told my son he was calling around to find a vet that would come to the house to put her to sleep. I have to say that knowing him I had a strong hunch that was bull#$@%...Then I found out he was at work and was going to be there until late in the evening so I knew it wasn't going to happen.

My son and I went over while he was at work to check on her..(my son knew that the back gate was not locked) after seeing the condition she was in I decided to call the animal humane society in my area and report it. I did that this morning as soon as they opened and hope they are able to get over there today to help her.

I am disgusted with this man that I have known for 20 yrs...I don't know who he is but he is not the man I knew.

wicked

my3sonsnme,

I am glad you were able to call the Humane Society.
I hope you poor dog will soon be out of pain and misery.

Beth

neferkamichael

My3sonsnme, disgusting. This is a new kind of thread for me, made me think. I didn't eat very well, but at one time several feral cats ate just fine around my place. Yes call the police.

keepingmyjoy1

Good for you. What an incredibly painful thing to do and have to go through. You really did a good thing imho. You and your son did something to help your dog. Your son will never forget that. You are a good mom. Well done.

my3sonsnme

I ended up going over there after work, STBX sent me a text that he had a vet coming
to his house to put her to sleep...apparently the authorities I called in the am had not been by or he was not home ??

My son decided he wanted to go over so I brought him and we got there before he did, he was still at work. I sat in my truck while my son went in the back yard to sit with our dog. Im not going to get into details but she was really bad..worse then when we had checked on her before...all I could think was she had been there all day like that alone....heartbreaking. He didn't even have the decency to bring her in the house and make her comfortable.

I was so embarrassed when the vet got there I couldn't even look her in the face...I don't know how he looks in the mirror every morning. I stayed in my truck as I did not trust myself to even be around my x. My son said that the vet mentioned how dirty she was and my son told her that he did not take good care of her (the dog) which I think was pretty obviouse.....don't they have to report that kind of thing?????

My son was up most of the night pretty upset....I cant imagine what he must think of his father....

OT...but as I was sitting in my truck this other woman that he left us for pulled up ....my first encounter with her.....my X came out pretty quickly and must have told her to leave. There was no interaction between us but all I could think was what kind of woman dates a man who has a dog dieing in his back yard???? and she didn't do anything about it either!!...they deserve each other ....yeah sweet heart , that's a real winner you got there.....

I couldn't get out of there quick enough..the whole thing made me want to rush home and take a shower...

LexieCat

I hope the vet does report it.

What happens from here now is out of your hands. You are there for your son, and that's the important thing. I'm glad you didn't have to interact with his new friend. Not your problem, either.

Focus on yourself and your kids, now.

Hugs,

redatlanta

I really hope animal control will take the other dog away from this man a cite him.

Perhaps you could call today and follow up with them? Animals and children - we are their only advocates they just can't fend for themselves.

Your poor son....

stella27

I think you need to "arrange" to have the surviving dog kidnapped and taken to the shelter.