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OT: my son and AH saw someone die last night

Old 03-20-2013, 07:05 AM
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OT: my son and AH saw someone die last night

OK, this is off topic, but I am not sure how to help my son through this. Last night, he and AH were going to public tennis courts to play a match with my AH's team. They were walking past a neighboring court and saw a man fall down face first on the court. My AH rushed out to see if he could help and he had ds help turn the man over so they could see if he could talk, etc. Anyway, the guy was already turning blue and had wet himself. The opponent called 911 and they men sent my son to the main tennis building to alert the desk folks that emergency responders were coming. In the meantime, my AH started resuscitation efforts and chest compressions but he said he knew the guy was already gone: eyes glassy, no pulse, etc. The EMT's bagged him and did some electric shock but couldn't revive him, either.

The whole team arrived and they were all pretty shook up. They all wanted to forfeit their matches and just call it a day but my AH talked them into playing since they were all there. My son was pretty shook up, didn't want to eat when he came home, etc. I know this memory will be with him for the rest of his life, you just don't forget something like this. I already told him that if he wants to go back to counseling or pastoral counseling that he can do that, but he's already acting anxious about being left home alone today. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers this week, thanks!
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:24 AM
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Wow...do they know what he died from?
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:30 AM
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I will certainly keep him in my prayers, lizatola.
What a shock that must have been for your son.

Beth
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:38 AM
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I am so sorry. What a terrible experience for you son.

Perhaps your pastor could talk with him.

Maybe you could consider taking him to the funeral, or doing something to help your son come to closure so that the last memory isn't of the man actually dying.

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Old 03-20-2013, 07:53 AM
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You can make this a teachable moment for your son. Death is part of life. It's very hidden away in this country. People die in hospitals, and lots of people are adults before they ever experience someone close to them dying right where they can see it.

All any of us has is today.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:24 AM
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Been There

Last Summer on my way home from work, I took a different route, oddly enough. A busy road, and a motorcyclist failed to see that the SUV in front of him had stopped - he slammed into the back of the SUV and was thrown from the bike.

I was in a series of cars that came to an immediate stop. Everyone got on their cells, but no one knew CPR. I do know CPR and started working on the man, even though I didn't know if it was helping.

The EMTs arrived and relieved me of CPR. I went back to my car, turned around, and went home. He died at the hospital 2 days later. I never again want to see the look of death in someone's eyes.

I hope I gave him enough so that his family could say good-bye.

I travel that road often, and am reminded everytime I pass that spot.

It's hard enough on this almost 50 year old, it would really suck for a teenager.

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Old 03-20-2013, 09:26 AM
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((liz))

how painful for your AH & your son and the family of the man that lost his life ~

death is hard for all of us, especially young ones - I hope your son is able to find help thru the avenues you are offering for him ~

prayers of comfort and grace for all ~

gentle, healing pink hugs
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:42 AM
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I can't imagine seeing a healthy person die. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are of faith, there is often some console and inspiring verse there (no matter which faith.) If not, I have a lot of friends that turn to art, literature and music to find peace in time of grief.

Even just for the loss of pets there are amazing books (cat heaven and dog heaven) there MUST be something for children that experience this sort of thing. Hoping for peace and comfort for them - AND you!
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Old 03-20-2013, 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
You can make this a teachable moment for your son. Death is part of life. It's very hidden away in this country. People die in hospitals, and lots of people are adults before they ever experience someone close to them dying right where they can see it.

All any of us has is today.
Yes, we've been talking about one of the last church services where the pastor talked about heaven and got all fired up about it. It gave my son a lot of peace knowing that the man will finally have peace.

My son has had quite a few experiences with death in different ways over the past 3 years. One of his tennis friends got hit by a car while riding her bike and she died. Then 15 months ago, my dad died, my father in law died last April just a few months after my dad's death obviously. In November his friend died at 14 from leukemia and my mother in law passed away from a sudden heart attack in January. Throw in the deaths of our 2 dogs in the past 2 years, and he's been handling death pretty well. I think my dad's death was the hardest on him because he was close to my dad. Yet, seeing someone die while in your presence is a totally different story. I think he sees his dad as a hero right now and I hope that helps their relationship and maybe bring about some bonding for them.

I also think this might be a bit of a wakeup call for AH. The guy wasn't much older than him. Right now, I think AH is taking it worse than our son.
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Old 03-20-2013, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
Wow...do they know what he died from?
Yes, it was a sudden cardiac arrest.
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Old 03-20-2013, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
I also think this might be a bit of a wakeup call for AH. The guy wasn't much older than him. Right now, I think AH is taking it worse than our son.
That's what I was thinking. Heck I'm 53 and if I were to drop dead suddenly I would hope it would be after climbing back up on the boat after an awesome dive. My mom passed the same way, suddenly, didn't know what hit her. If I could be so lucky? Yeah, death is a part of life and all but man, that's a hard sight to get out of your head. Kinda sticks with you.
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Old 03-20-2013, 01:51 PM
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Been there too,

It is a shock indeed, and am 31 -

What I would do is to ask a child therapist what to do in this case, you are already seeing signs of distress. You are a great mom for noticing these changes in his conduct.

Even if we know death is part of life it is a huge impact to actually see it happen and even more so when it is unexpected and in a "normal" setting, not in a hospital. Even in a hospital, it is a shock, even if it is a stranger.

((Hugs))

PS About AH, please don't expect any magic.
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