keepingmyjoy1

After I told him in a text that we have nothing to discuss (see earlier posts) and no contact all day, he texts me and asks if I would pay his car payment--not with my money, but process it online (he is not computer savvy).

I gave him the phone number to call and said how late they were open. That's it.

Are you freakin kiddin me???????

Should I have even answered it? Probably not. Sigh. I have a lot more to learn.

Hanna

Is he in recovery? My answer depends on that.

I was reading your thread about what he said to your son about the house. If he's sober, I would help with little things that are easy, for the sake of your son and peace. If he's not, I would probably ignore the texts.

I might go about things the wrong way, but I think with parents that are split up anything that can be done to make things civil is a good thing provided the cost to you isn't much.

But wiser heads may see it differently.

Argnotthisagain

I don't think it's a matter of "should" or "should not". It's just a matter of how you feel about the contact and what you do about that. Taking care of yourself, you know?

I don't see anything wrong with providing info, like you would to any adult. As long as replying didn't pull you back into pain or obsessing or give him an invitation to start the game up again, then what would be wrong?

My AexBF texted me a few weeks after I finally told him not to contact me anymore. It was to tell me he was going for surgery. Pretty minor procedure. I replied back, "good luck". Nothing more, but not replying at all just seemed ..... wrong.

Got a short but WEIRD text back. Incoherent. Kind of pathetic. Definitely out of touch with why I might have nothing more to say to him.

I did not reply to it.
I'm just continueing

dandylion

Dear keepingmyjoy, I think you handled it just fine (under the circumstances).

If he is sober, he should get the hint.

dandylion

keepingmyjoy1

Thanks guys. It would seem that he really is sober since just before we left 7 months ago. He goes to AA and has a sponsor, but from what he said they don't get together very often. I have no idea if he is working the program.

I had previously helped out occasionally with things like this, but recently have been giving him what he needs to handle it himself. Since I work over 60 hours a week, and am getting all this paperwork ready for bankruptcy etc, and he is laid off at the moment, I really think that he should be able to call them and make the payment himself.

I think though the request may have bee his way of opening up a discussion. After giving him the information, he sent 3 more texts, one just asking how the weather was, the second he says "You going to ignore me and stay mad at me forever we had a good time this weekend". He is referring to with DS. (Yeah, great weekend for DS--he always cries his eyes out after a "good weekend". Then the third text was "it was a great day not hope you sleep good goodnight".

Ugh. Makes me wish I just kept ignoring him. Although, I did feel it was right to at least give him the information to make his payment.

redatlanta

Read my post on your other thread about the discussion he had with your son. With this now happening it seems to me he is desperate for contact with you and looking for anyway to do it.

He doesn't know how to make a car payment? Really? I am pretty sure he could figure it out himself.

Your response was fine.

LexieCat

He's supposed to be going to his sponsor, and his AA friends, with problems of how to navigate life sober. Which includes things like how to make a car payment.

Yes--it sounds like his goal was to engage you. I think you handled it fine, too.

choublak

So let him get "computer savvy". Aside from which, you really don't need to be all that computer savvy to make a payment online.

Cyranoak

...and next time you will ignore it. Don't be too hard on yourself, but good job on personal accountability. That's something I struggled with a lot at the beginning. Apparently you are a fast learner.

Take care,

Cyranoak

P.s. The general rule is this-- if they are asking you to do something any reasonable person could do for themselves the answer is no. And, if you are broken up, then the answer is always no (or simply ignoring it). If broken up, their life is none of your business at all in any way, and yours is none of theirs.

Argnotthisagain

Sorry my post cut off at the end. My mobile keeps freezing up! And, my internet provider was having server problems!! LoL.

Anyway, you handled it great!

Funny how his replies to you, trying to suck you in sound similar to my AexBF. Right down to the "blah blah --NOT", and the thoughtful wishes ("hope you sleep well", etc.)

Weird.

BunnyNest

Wow. I think they are all the same! Those sound EXACTLY like my loved one's texts before NC.

Hugs to you in a difficult situation.

HopefulmomtoD

Hmmmmm. Wasn't he computer savvy enough to get on a computer dating site?

keepingmyjoy1

:rotfxko I never thought of that HopefulmomtoD!!!!! LOL You are soooo right!