Is this Enabling?
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I also forgot to mention that in addition to my incredibly busy schedule, I have 3 other children ages 7, 9 and 13 and a home to take care of, including grocery shopping, laundry, etc. I can not take any time off of work to take the trip bc I am using all of my extra time off and my employers are gracious enough to give it, so that I can work some intern hours during the work week.
So its not a simple matter of my refusing a ride. Its just that I simply cant.
But she CAN get on a bus.
So its not a simple matter of my refusing a ride. Its just that I simply cant.
But she CAN get on a bus.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
While I agree that nobody chooses to be an addict, I disagree that addicts necessarily WANT to quit. Many do not--not for a long time, anyway. Some may vaguely wish that they weren't the way they are, but they will defend it as just part of "who they are." They will often avoid any treatments they are afraid just might work. They actively resist any notion that they can, or should, change.
Getting to the point of actually WANTING to change is only the first step in the process of being ready to.
Getting to the point of actually WANTING to change is only the first step in the process of being ready to.
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Originally Posted by alaskasunshine
When an addiction gets to the point where it affects others, there is a voice that quietly and persistently whispers to every addict, that tells them what they are doing is wrong. The voice tells them "no more". We wont admit it, pride and self-determination get in the way and we fight it. But make no mistake, deep down, every addict wishes he wasn't.
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From what I can see with my AD, I dont think she wants to be an "alcoholic", but she still wants to be able to drink.
She wants to be able to drink like those of us who arent addicts or alcoholics can drink without sliding into a week long binge every single time she puts a drink to her lips.
So for her, I think its a combination of both of your observations/comments about alcoholism.
She wants to be able to drink like those of us who arent addicts or alcoholics can drink without sliding into a week long binge every single time she puts a drink to her lips.
So for her, I think its a combination of both of your observations/comments about alcoholism.
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Yup.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been charaterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 30, lines 1 - 6
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 30, lines 1 - 6
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Lexicat,
I recently found this book in my AD's room. Do you think it would benefit me in any way to read it? Will it help me understand what she is going through? and through that, help me learn to deal with her a little better?
I have read through some of the Al-Anon literature and books and they are helpful, but I thought this might be helpful as well.
Sometimes I find myself being so cold and angry about it and her. Do I need more empathy and understanding?
I recently found this book in my AD's room. Do you think it would benefit me in any way to read it? Will it help me understand what she is going through? and through that, help me learn to deal with her a little better?
I have read through some of the Al-Anon literature and books and they are helpful, but I thought this might be helpful as well.
Sometimes I find myself being so cold and angry about it and her. Do I need more empathy and understanding?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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I think empathy and understanding are always good. What you have to be careful of, though, is allowing those feelings to morph into pity, or an urge to "help" her some more.
Yes, I think reading the book will be quite enlightening. Just remember, anything YOU tell her out of that book will be dismissed and rejected by her. There is a reason alcoholics reach out to help other alcoholics. You can read, and understand, until the cows come home. Unless you have LIVED it, though (as another alcoholic has), you will have no credibility with her.
Yes, I think reading the book will be quite enlightening. Just remember, anything YOU tell her out of that book will be dismissed and rejected by her. There is a reason alcoholics reach out to help other alcoholics. You can read, and understand, until the cows come home. Unless you have LIVED it, though (as another alcoholic has), you will have no credibility with her.
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