Why I was comparing alcoholism to dementia
 

Back when my boyfriend was still drinking and in denial, he would frequently ask me, "what's it to you how much I drink?" and "how do my drinking habits affect you?" and so I gave the most accurate (to me anyway) description I could: "when you're drunk, you act just like your grandmothers do" (both of his grandmothers have forms of dementia and repeat the same things over and over again, one of them says things that don't make sense, and they exhibit other behaviors similar to a drunk person). So that's where the comparison comes from.

Well, alcohol affects the brain, as does dementia. So, I can see how that might be a relevant comparison.

Choublak, when my son was drinking he was exactly that same way! It took only a relatively small amount, also. He didn't believe me when I pointed this out, also. It was around time that I "got" it---that I was powerless over alcohol.

I completely understand what you are saying.

sincerely, dandylion

Why do they even bother asking those questions?

To put you on the defensive.

An alcoholic asking "how do my drinking habits affect you?" is putting someone on the defensive? How so?

Because alcoholics (I am one) feel that they aren't affecting anyone other than themselves when they drink. They don't stop to take into consideration how their actions affect those who love and care about them. When they ask you how their drinking affects you, they don't think you will have a good answer to that question. Then, when you do, they deny it. They just don't see it.

It's just another way to make an argument--there's an answer for everything, but it sure as heck isn't that my drinking is affecting YOU. YOU must be crazy, or you are accusing me for no reason. So there--now I am going off to drown my sorrows because I am with someone who TOTALLY doesn't understand me, and accuses me all the time. Poor me.