choublak

You're angry, but don't know who to be angry at?

LexieCat

Yup.

I think anger is mostly a useless emotion (though I sure served myself up a big heapin' helping of mad at myself yesterday). The one thing I find it useful for is to signal to me that something is wrong, the way feeling hungry can mean I need to get something to eat.
If I can identify the cause, I can work on the solution (which often means just doing something to change my own attitude). If I can identify what is feeling "attacked" (for me it's often my own ego), I can do something about it.

choublak

What if I feel like I like feeling angry?

LexieCat

I could see situations in which feeling angry might feel good (the value of which anger might be debatable), but how can it feel good if you don't even know what you are angry about, or whom you are angry with? If you like feeling angry for the sake of feeling angry, that seems to say more about what's going on inside you than what's going on outside you.

CeciliaV

I think there's nothing wrong per se with feeling angry or feeling like feeling angry. It's a feeling. Feelings aren't wrong, they just are. The question is more about what you do with those feelings and what actions you take.

choublak

Feeling angry regarding alcoholism. I don't know who to be angry at.

iamthird

Yes I am very angry right now pertaining to alcoholism! And I have to figure out how where it is coming from as not to be taking it out on the wrong people. I am angry with separated AH, myself, the other woman, both our families of origin, etc...one big anger ball. It is for me to sort it out!

Justfor1

Yes, I feel this way often. I think it comes down to not liking myself & projecting it on other people? I really don't know but I've noticed that over the years my depression turned into anger.

DreamsofSerenity

I really like the Buddhist quote about anger: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. " Anger should be felt, and then let go, not held inside of us for too long.

I stuggle with being angry at my exabf for all the crap he put me through, but that only keeps me in the victim mentality. Then I flip to being angry at myself for allowing it all, but this lack of self love prevents healing. There are also the adverse physical effects of anger--low level stress hormones coursing through the body. So I work hard on letting go of anger because it does not serve me in any way whatsoever. It can be difficult to let go though, especially when I'm hormonal!

choublak

I'm angry at the fact that so many alcoholics snub their noses at recovery. For example, "I don't want to try AA because they have a defeatist attitude" etc.

DreamsofSerenity

What Lexie said about anger being a signal that something else is going on is really great.

LexieCat

Then just be angry with the disease itself, because that's a product of it. Everything is a rationalization to protect the addiction at all costs.

It's sort of like getting angry with people here who come in doing what we all know (from personal experience and our own recoveries) is completely useless and may be making matters worse for them than they have to be. Kind of pointless, because until the lightbulb goes on, and you are able to SEE the truth, it sort of sounds like we are being dismissive of their pain and confusion.

An alcoholic for whom that lightbulb or moment of clarity hasn't happened is just as blind. That's why other alcoholics are able to present the best "pitch" for recovery to another alcoholic. That was what the founders of AA discovered--that they could sometimes get through where non-alcoholics are ignored, because they DO understand and they know what they are talking about. Not that they always succeed, either--but they can often get through where non-alcoholics fail.

dandylion

Dear Choublak. What you are describing makes perfect sense to me. You have been hurt by an alcoholic close to you (I assume). When someone hurts us badly, it is a normal, expected human reaction to feel hurt---or, angry.

It is often safer and less painful for some people to feel anger than to experience the hurt. I think this is especially true if anger is a more familiar emotion than hurt. If the person grew up in abuse and was not allowed or able to express hurt (or is male)--this might be especially true.

My mother, who was used to being angry all the time, would actually, sometimes, say: "I want someone to get mad at today!"

Though I am a pretty easy going person--I can remember times of PMS when, for *** ut 24-48hrs. I would feel like free-floating anger--just looking for a place to land.

Soo, if you are in this state due to an alcoholic---it makes sense to hate the disease which drives their behaviors. It is safer to hate the disease than the victim (if they are close to you).

Just my take o n your situation.

Peace --Out.

dandylion

choublak

But you see, you are not protecting your addiction. You are not snubbing your nose at AA. Treatment options are everywhere, be it AA or otherwise. And there are hoards of people in these programs. Yet there are individuals who would rather drink than recover and we're supposed to hate the disease?

LexieCat

You are seeing me NOW, four and a half years into recovery. Trust me, during the time that preceded MY moment of clarity, I thought AA was just great--for OTHER people. I was smarter, I was different, yada yada. The same BS as what you are talking about.

It isn't until you get there that you get there. I don't know how else to explain it. Someone here (and forgive me, I can't remember who it was) compared learning detachment, for instance, as being like looking at one of those "Magic Eye" pictures, where if you look at it JUST RIGHT, you suddenly see another image within. Once you've seen it, it is TOTALLY clear--bright as day, how could you not have seen it before? But I have stared at those things for hours, trying to see what people assured me was there. Until something shifted in my brain, though, I couldn't see it.

Justfor1

Im not sure if the alcoholic in your life is this way but some alcoholics snub recovery because they don't want to stop. They know 100% they are alcoholics & feel that it is their right to drink.

CeciliaV

This is very similar to another saying I've heard - "holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Spit it out, spit it out!

choublak

Yes, and there are some who have no issues being honest about this. However it's those who play around trying to "moderate" or insist that they have no problem whatsoever, who I have issue with.