dalawa

It's been two weeks since my XAB drove home completely wasted and one week since he lied about meeting with his sponsor and drank again. Tomorrow will be one week since I broke up with him. He's staying at his sister's right now until he gets an apartment.

I know that logically I made the right decision and my family has been really supportive, but I'm constantly second-guessing myself. Not the decision exactly, but the emotional side. I miss him so much. It's so hard to view him accurately, both sides of him. I keep remembering the sober version of him, but I need to see him as he really is: a great guy who is also very sick. I just want to reach out to him and be there for him. We are both really hurting.

Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

goodstitch

Hi dalawa,

Vent away! So proud of you for taking care of yourself. I've been in and out of something similar and it is quite challenging emotionally.
I'm sending hugs and angels your way.
Be gentle with yourself.

goodstitch

Shadydeal

Based on my own experience your ahead of the horrible heartache and very wise! It's a horrible struggle being in love with what they could be but the reality of who they are! Very painful! Hang in there! Lots of hugs

marie1960

I have been saying this quite a bit lately, I learned it here and it really helped.

As adults we must base our decisions on FACTS and not emotions.

Yes, our head and heart can get in a tug of war.

Choose/listen your mind (head) it's far more advanced.

Listening to our heart, is a recipe for disaster.




Peace.

dalawa

It's nice to know there are others who understand. I have strong moments among my weak moments so I'm just trying to be patient with myself as the balance shifts.

Also, I am still learning the acronyms, as I meant to say AXBF

LoveMeNow

I love this! Do you mind if I share it?

Kassie2

Glad you posted and glad for you that you have put yourself first. And btw you have given your exbf an oppty to face his problem. Whether or not he does, this is reality.

I will speak for myself when I say that it is hard to love someone with an A problem. It was harder to separate myself from him but I am grateful now as my life is just as I want it to be. But that first step showed me that it was a good one for me and those I loved. Stay connected with your support.

Elizabethmarie

Keep strong, this is the best gift u can give him. My situation is the opposite. My now xbf of 4 years, left me last week. He said it was because of my crazy behavior, he never mentioned the alcohol part. So, I said, screw u, I'm moving 3000 miles away with a friend! After many anxiety attacks, and my gut telling me it wasn't the right choice, I did a lot of thinking...... My alcoholism has been on a downward spiral. Both of ours has. 2 drunks living together, what could possibly go wrong?? I've been sober for 2 days, and already feel some improvements and clarity. We talked today, and he had the same realization. I told him this was a blessing in disguise, him leaving. I hope things will work out, but if not, I'm staying strong and a better person. It was a huge wake up call and I'm grateful for it. Time apart to heal yourselves is the best thing u can do, as with me. Stay strong and know this is the right path

Manmust

I'm going through the same thing, but she's staying here until she moves. We can talk, but its like coworkers. She sleeps in another room, very unsettling.

But I think about when she is gone for good. But, I think of this:
She's here, and I want her gone.
When she's gone, I want her.

Both can't be true. one is based on the actual present. It's when she's her that I want her gone. That's the truth and that's the answer.

Check my "anxiety" thread out. Great suggestions

dandylion

Dear dalawa, I read some advice on this board, once---and it has helped me enormously.

It said: If you play back the tapes of the good times---PLAY THE TAPE ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!!!

Living with an active alcoholic is chock-full of the bad times, too--otherwise we wouldn't suffer so much. When we are grieving about the loss of the relationship, we tend to think that the good ti mes were the ONLY times. Not True. Playing the WHOLE tape will remind us of why we left in the first place.

Since alcoholism is progressive, over time, the good times become less and less and the bad times become more and more frequent.

Always play the WHOLE tape!

sincerely, dandylion

JenT1968

it's also entirely natural to second guess any major decision, house purchase, bank loan, which college to enrol in, new job, etc, etc. doesn't mean it's the wrong decision, it's just human nature.

it's natural to mourn a relationship even if it was horrendous all the time, and change can be scary, you are doing well hugs if you want/need them