Freaking myself out with so many changes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Freaking myself out with so many changes!
Hi wonderful, helpful people,
I am pretty sure that these leaps of faith are putting me in the right direction, but yikes!
In 4 weeks the separation was made legal, I leased a car (having not had one earlier), took out insurances to cover me and the children in this foreign land, and put in (today) an application to rent a house (same town, but from the village to a small hamlet in a more rural locale). Next this week, I go to the unemployment office and start looking for part-time work.
One thing (separation) led to next (now I can empower myself with wheels without going through STBX), meant now I can move to a quieter spot since I won't have to rely on the bus, but now I had better provide some income so we can afford these changes and just in case AH can't/won't contribute enough financially...plus there's the lawyer's fees.
I couldn't do anything before without going through AH. It was like I was a kid. He has control issues...now I can be a grown-up again.
But what if I am messing up?! Everything is so much more challenging too because I'm not in 'Kansas' anymore and the culture is still one I am learning...
The risks all in all are financial. I just hope that the finance and employment gods will look kindly at me! In the meantime I am starting to feel rather wobbly!
I am pretty sure that these leaps of faith are putting me in the right direction, but yikes!
In 4 weeks the separation was made legal, I leased a car (having not had one earlier), took out insurances to cover me and the children in this foreign land, and put in (today) an application to rent a house (same town, but from the village to a small hamlet in a more rural locale). Next this week, I go to the unemployment office and start looking for part-time work.
One thing (separation) led to next (now I can empower myself with wheels without going through STBX), meant now I can move to a quieter spot since I won't have to rely on the bus, but now I had better provide some income so we can afford these changes and just in case AH can't/won't contribute enough financially...plus there's the lawyer's fees.
I couldn't do anything before without going through AH. It was like I was a kid. He has control issues...now I can be a grown-up again.
But what if I am messing up?! Everything is so much more challenging too because I'm not in 'Kansas' anymore and the culture is still one I am learning...
The risks all in all are financial. I just hope that the finance and employment gods will look kindly at me! In the meantime I am starting to feel rather wobbly!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
You are doing Great, Pippi. Don't let fear creep in and cause too much self doubt! Sure, it is o.k. to acknowledge that change is scary---But just acknowledge it and move forward. Courage is moving ahead IN SPITE of fear. You have shown that you have loads of COURAGE!!!!
sincerely, dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
You know what Pippi, you WILL mess up. We ALL do from time to time, especially when learning/developing new habits.
But I'd also bet that you WILL learn from whatever mistake you make & not repeat them over & over. That's what matters.
But I'd also bet that you WILL learn from whatever mistake you make & not repeat them over & over. That's what matters.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
You're doing the right thing!! Such a change from the fears and reactions that led you to spend too long with an abusive, crazy A!
So glad to see you're here getting support and reality checks....it's good for me too, so I appreciate you bringing it up. I've made huge changes too--really good stuff but still, handling a totally new chapter--making it happen and then getting used to it--is scary. Change is not easy and can be draining.
So inspiring though to see what your doing for your own wonderful self! Yayyyy!
So glad to see you're here getting support and reality checks....it's good for me too, so I appreciate you bringing it up. I've made huge changes too--really good stuff but still, handling a totally new chapter--making it happen and then getting used to it--is scary. Change is not easy and can be draining.
So inspiring though to see what your doing for your own wonderful self! Yayyyy!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You need to make some friends there who can explain how some of this "stuff" works! I forget, are you in Al-Anon? For a stranger in a strange land it might help you get an instant social circle, aside from the other help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi Lexie,
Lucky to have lots of good people helping me navigate all this.
.
The house decision was the hardest. Then turns out yesterday that I know the next door neighbor, and she called the owner last night to tell him we are a well reputed family hereabouts (never mind the bit about the drunken father and the police !)
It's a close community. Just met my insurance guy at a cafe around the corner and the shop keepers were outside tittering when we left. I think they figured we were on a date 😧
I do go to Al Anon here. It's like free language lessons, too!
Thank you to everyone at SR! All your supportive comments yesterday helped me keep steady yesterday!
😘
Lucky to have lots of good people helping me navigate all this.
. The house decision was the hardest. Then turns out yesterday that I know the next door neighbor, and she called the owner last night to tell him we are a well reputed family hereabouts (never mind the bit about the drunken father and the police !)
It's a close community. Just met my insurance guy at a cafe around the corner and the shop keepers were outside tittering when we left. I think they figured we were on a date 😧
I do go to Al Anon here. It's like free language lessons, too!
Thank you to everyone at SR! All your supportive comments yesterday helped me keep steady yesterday!
😘
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Pippi))))) 
You go girl. Sounds like you are getting a great 'network' going for you and the kids.
You know my mom used to say:
"Its not always what you know but WHO you know."
and boy over these many years I have come to realize she was correct in every sense of the phrase.
Here it happened for you also. I think it has a lot to do with what we 'put out there' we get back threefold. Do keep putting out the 'good stuff' and you will get it back threefold, it is already happening!!!!
Keep sharing, your shares here are great, and whether you know or believe it or not, they are helping the rest of us!
Love and hugs,
You go girl. Sounds like you are getting a great 'network' going for you and the kids.
You know my mom used to say:
"Its not always what you know but WHO you know."
and boy over these many years I have come to realize she was correct in every sense of the phrase.
Here it happened for you also. I think it has a lot to do with what we 'put out there' we get back threefold. Do keep putting out the 'good stuff' and you will get it back threefold, it is already happening!!!!
Keep sharing, your shares here are great, and whether you know or believe it or not, they are helping the rest of us!
Love and hugs,
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
hey! Widowed mom here of 2...yeped i mess up alot...but thanks to my HP i did...cuz something good came out of it in the long run...I learned ALOT!!
its ok with FEAR...just walk through it...and leave your guilt at the door...
its ok with FEAR...just walk through it...and leave your guilt at the door...
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