JBird100

Well I just broke a shade for the window in our bathroom and my boyfriend laid into me. It was a cheap shade and it broke. It wasn't that he got mad at me it was the fact that he kept bringing it up. So I'm laying in bed trying to sleep and once more it was brought to my attention. I snapped and the "F-bombs" started to fly. I get so frustrated with him I feel like I can't make a mistake. Most of the time I pause before I speak and let him go on but this time no. The bathroom shade was really blown way out of perspective.

EnglishGarden

Welcome to the F&F forum, JBird.

I checked into your previous posts so I might be able to give you support. I saw that you've been sober for about a month now? More? But definitely you are making a decision to get your life back together, that was clear.

It sounds as if you are in a painful relationship, and all I want to share about that is what we learn in codependency recovery: that relationships which involve anyone in active addiction will crumble. It is just impossible to connect, impossible to trust, impossible to grow together. If your partner is using or drinking, then you are not with someone who will support you getting healthy nor will he welcome a healthier group of friends and a healthier lifestyle that comes with sobriety.

If you want a cleaner, clearer life, you have made a good start with staying sober. But if you are in an abusive relationship, the pain of that will make you, in many ways, as sick as the drink did.

We are glad you found SR. As you work toward rebuilding your life and reclaiming your true self, we are here to support you.

The window shade incident.....it is about control and shaming, something healthy partners do not do to us.

Do you go to meetings? It would be good to be with people who treat you with respect.

Wishing you the strength and courage to keep moving forward and to believe in yourself. You are important and you are worthy of being treated lovingly.

laurie6781

Relationships are really hard in early recovery.

I am sorry your partner feels the need to belittle you. Do you go to meetings? Have you found a sponsor?

These are things that can be discussed with a sponsor in great depth one on one, and usually a sponsor or another woman you feel you can open up with, can help you to stay on your path and your partner will have to find his. You are not responsible for his feelings right now. Down the road as you work through the wreckage of your past, will be time to sit down and put it all out on the table.

I will also be honest here and say that sometimes the partner we come into recovery with, we do not stay with. As we grow, and change and blossom into a beautiful human being the partner sometimes stays stagnant.

So, although you do post in other areas of this site, please feel free to post here also, as I know for a fact, once I got sober, I found out I was also codependent, and many I have worked with (sponsored) over these many years have also had to work through some codependency issues in addition to recovering from their addictions.

Congrats on your 50 days!!!!!

Love and hugs,

JBird100

Thanks. I'm feeling just awful. That was the kind of behavior I had when I was using. It conjures up all of this negativity. I realize that his crap is his and I shouldn't take it personally, but it's so dang hard. I don't know if our relationship will work out. He is also in recovery, with a few more months then me. Anyway I am here and working through it. Thanks again.