OT(ish): going away this weekend!
 

Well, I'm doing it. I'm leaving RAH behind and going away on my own. I'm flying out tomorrow morning and coming back Monday. It's my nephew's 10th birthday next week, and my sister's family is coming to my parents' house this weekend for a small early party, and I'm going to be the surprise guest. I need the time away, and this will be the first time I'll be there for a birthday celebration for my nephew, and I'm SO excited!

I have not traveled alone or gone away by myself in at least 12 years, if not more. I've left my pup before, but only when both husband and I have gone away. My dog will freak the eff out with just me gone for a couple days (he's a wee bit attached!), but I know he'll survive. (And I'm sure I'll get quite the raucous greeting from him when I return!)

RAH kept saying tonight that he knows I am anxious and nervous and worried and whatnot. Um, no. HE is all those things! I'm doing my best to stay calm and not worry and to focus on me. Yes, RAH is pretty fresh out of rehab, but I have to do this for me. I can't NOT doing things because of him.

I am a little nervous about seeing my parents for the first time since I told them of RAH's issues (seems so small and petty to call alcoholism and rehab "issues"). Okay, more than a little nervous. Which would explain why I'm here posting after midnight when I should have gone to bed long ago. But I don't want to let that ruin the good times I'm bound to have and my chance to get away and reset for a couple days.

Anywho, I probably do need to head off to bed now so I'm not a total zombie tomorrow. Just wanted to share and elicit some strength & hugs to get over this hump of nerves & worry sneaking up on me.

hugs ur way!!!!!

Have a great time!

Enjoy your mini-vacation!!! Let go of the worries of what others may or may not think... Just be in the moment and enjoy your family :)

Sending (((hugs))) and encouragement

leave all the worry at the security check point at the airport, along with that oversized bottle of shampoo! :) enjoy yourself sweetheart!

Thanks, all! Had a great time with my family this weekend, it's been great to spend some time away. A little worried about dear husband, but I needed this. Will be back home tomorrow, I'll check in when I return. Thanks again for the well wishes!

Morning, SR! Waiting at the airport to go home now. I had a fantastic time. I should land and be home about noon local time, and I'm also very glad I get an afternoon off to recover from the trip before I go back to work tomorrow.

I have to admit, I got very worried for a little while last night. Shortly before my last post, I called home and it went right to voice mail. This was a huge trigger for me...in the past, it meant that husband was drinking and had left the phone off the hook somewhere. I took deep breaths. I tried his cell & no answer. I get home voice mails emailed to me, and when I checked my email, I saw that there were two voice mails from my in laws...another stress & worry trigger for me. I took more deep breaths and just left a message calmly to say hi. Sent him a text before I went to sleep but didn't expect an answer, as my previous two "hi" texts earlier in the day had gone unanswered, and I went to bed, having a sinking feeling but knowing there was nothing I could do from a different time zone. I woke up VERY early and checked my phone to see the time (4am, eep!) & saw a reply text from him that came in shortly after I fell asleep. He said all is well and that he and the dog miss me. Phew! Now I'm no fool...one coherent text reply doesn't mean he was "good" all weekend, but it gave me some peace to know he was at the very least together enough to reply.

I'm glad I didn't freak out about it last night, but I'm a little disappointed in myself for even calling and putting myself in that position. That'll learn me! On a plus note, I am also proud of myself for not constantly texting & calling & worrying. I NEVER would have made a journey like this on my own just a few short weeks ago...so while I still have a ways to go, I feel like I've come so far. Still working the journey one day at a time.

Alright, speaking of journeys, I'll be making mine soon. Thanks agains for all the support, I don't know how I'd do it without you all! :thanks

I'm glad you had a great weekend, good for you!!! You are an inspiration to me - I posted a few weeks ago about this being a trigger for me that I have to get over. I've left RAH home alone for biz trips which are only 3 days long, but he had DD to look so that helped him stay focused.

I've been tossing around taking DD away for the weekend when he does his 2 overnight shifts for his internship because we don't have any quality time then anyway. (we end up in each other's way - him trying to sleep while we're awake & active doesn't work out well) We have annual passes for one of the parks here in FL & although it's not a good financial decision (it'll eat a chunk out of my emergency savings) & woudn't be the easiest trip (spring breakers, ugh!) I think it's a good test for not just him, but me.

So glad you went, and had a good time! And was able to deal with your worries without going full-on codie. That's some seriously awesome recovery going on, CeciliaV!

:You_Rock_

Well done!
~T

Aaaand I'm back! Rough flight (literally, it was bouncy!) and I have a headache from all the bouncing & wonky cabin pressure, but I'm home, safe and sound. I got a fabulous greeting from the pup - he was speechless...didn't make a sound, but he was all over me and it looked like he couldn't believe I came back, lol!

Unfortunately, my sinking feelings were right. Husband relapsed this weekend. And by this weekend, I mean since Friday, i.e, before I even left (or at least that's what he said after some coaxing for the truth). I knew it. I just knew. I could tell something was off. I could even sense it before I left, but I didn't want to engage (and part of me didn't want to admit it) and I didn't want to broach the subject before I left. I wanted to leave clear and to not go with my mind clouded with overwhelming worry. I had to let him make his own choices and I had to let me make mine. My choice was to do something good for me...just for me. And I did. I had a great time this weekend. I needed this. I needed to recharge, refresh, and have a good time.

So there you have it. What I feared most happened, and yet I was still able to have a good time this weekend and I haven't freaked out now that I'm home and am fully in the know. I didn't go full on codie, and I'm working to keep my wits about me at the moment. But I won't lie, it's going to be a hard evening. Going to hold onto the good times & good memories from this weekend to get me through whatever comes next.

I can't say thank you enough for all the support and encouragement. Just gotta keep working my own recovery and I do hope that he gets back on the wagon & continues to work his.

Cecilia, I am so sorry about your husband's relapse. How disappointing. Still, you should be super-proud of how you have handled everything, and how you're handling it now. You are an inspiration.

Thanks, SparkleKitty. Although I don't feel very inspiring right now! I'm feeling pretty flat right now. Harumph.

To be expected, I'm sure. But think of all the reactions you could have had. It shows a lot of strength in recovery for you to keep to your side of the street, despite your instincts that something was up.

Sorry to hear this, C.

Still, unless you plan to be handcuffed to him for the rest of his life, he has to learn to navigate "unsupervised" time sooner or later. I think those times are a challenge for everyone in early sobriety who is living with someone else--they are accustomed to "party time" when left alone (yet another reason I was happy to be living alone when I got sober--I drank at home all alone all the time, and I was sober at home all alone from the very beginning).

Hopefully he will learn something from this and have an actual plan in place for next time. I forget, does he go to AA? Having a sponsor and sober friends to check in with can be a big help--but that's for him to put into place.

Don't be too taken aback if you get a delayed reaction to all this. You might (or you might not). Just keep reminding yourself to take care of what's yours, and to let him take care of what's his.

I'm glad you got away this weekend--you were due for some R&R!

Thanks, LC. He was going to his IOP and to AA, but no sponsor yet. He fell through on the plan to get one before he left rehab. He does have some newly sober friends he made in rehab, but he's also hearing stories of others' issues post-rehab...so not sure if that played into his fall this weekend. Honestly though, it doesn't matter why it happened. It matters that it happened.

All in all, I'm still really glad that I went away this weekend. I needed it.