goodstitch

Toward the end of my work day all the "why's" that have been dancing around in my head this past week started to spin out of control. Why didn't he quit for me? Why can't he be alone? . Why does he have to be in a relationship with another women? How can she be with someone who was ready to dump her if I came back? How can his family support their relationship? Why couldn't he find someone who lived in a different town? I even entertain the idea of driving around her neighborhood to see if I can find his car, so I know exactly where they are. And then I let myself feel what is really going on.

My father's birthday is tomorrow. He died almost two and a half years ago. I let myself feel it and I started to cry . It's what I've done most of my life, used something in order to avoid myself and my own feelings.

I'm so grateful that I can recognize what I'm doing now. I'm getting so much better at putting the focus on me. I simply need to acknowledge my feelings and grieve a great loss. Whatever the XAB is doing is none of my business.

gs

Redheadsusie

I am proud of you . That is progress. I am sorry for your loss of your Dad- My Daddy died last year and I know how much you must miss him. The focus should be on you and your feelings . My AH and I split in December after 13 years together and he is already with someone. How do they do that? WTH - My thought is - that way they don't have to focus on themselves at all - We are healing we are progressing and that is all that matters - not what those asshats are doing. Sending hugs and strength - you are doing great!

goodstitch

Thanks Redheadsusie!

It shouldn't surprise me. After all, I met my XBF when he was separated. I may have been able to see more clearly had my dad not passed away within days of my meeting him. Crazy!

There are those who can't be by themselves and I agree, they area avoiding dealing with themselves altogether.

I am grateful for the experience, though. Through Al-Anon I learned to start taking care of myself. And I tried hard to search for someone who had had the fairy tale ending with an alcoholic, but every book, post, therapist, friend, and family member said it wouldn't get better until he made the decision to quit for himself. I just couldn't justify losing my peace of mind over him if he wasn't getting help. There would be nothing in it for me!

I'm so sorry about your daddy;( I hope you have good memories of him. And I hope you are doing wonderful things for yourself during your grieving. My shrink helped me see that I had delayed mine. (God threw an alcoholic in my path and I got a bit distracted!)

Let's be gentle with ourselves, shall we

Hugs!
GS

iamthird

The day my husband left my house he checked into a hotel and called his enabling mistress. They cannot be alone. To this day, he may party with her but I know he loves me and misses his family. He just doesnt have the ability to be the husband and father my kids deserve until he finds recovery. I too, am guilty of romanticizing his rebound but He is no more faithful to her. He has tried to come back and tell me he loves me many times.

They cannot face themselves. Its not you. Its them numbing themselves...