Alcoholism vs alcohol abuse(what am I missing?)

Old 03-08-2013, 12:18 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
Hello Liz, I'm sorry to hear that you have been in such a spin. Lots of great wisdom being shared here. I have done exactly the same thing...obsessed over details that do not matter in the big picture.

As simply as possible, "The forest for the trees."
Oh yes, I totally get that I was obsessing. After going to marriage counseling yesterday and hearing more insanity it has been helpful to me to remember that he truly is sick. Whatever it is that is, it's just summed up by saying that he's sick. I truly can't gain any ground and neither can the marriage counselor. If AH would speak to me at some point, I would love to tell him that counseling is off, but he isn't even making eye contact. I'm sure I'll get my chance at some point. I gave it a shot and realized just how badly I was spinning my wheels.
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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You don't have to tell him anything. You can simply stop doing it. Actions speak louder than words. That doesn't just apply to the A.

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Old 03-08-2013, 09:56 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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For me, in the beginning (and what kept me stuck in the dance!) was my desperate need to identify The Problem. I needed a nice near label and explanation (read:something to blame!) for why my marriage sucked.

I wanted peace and happiness and to me... The path to that was paved with me getting my AH sober. If only he'd stop, we could be perfect. To get him to stop? I needed him to see he was an alcoholic. And around and around the conversations would go. It was nauseating, for both of us.

What set me free was learning to see life as-is. Not searching for deeper meaning or labels... Just the simple truth. Being married to someone who repeatedly drank and drove was an unacceptable risk to me. I couldn't change him but I sure could change me. I took full responsiblity for myself and no one else. Live and let live.

It's funny because I rarely use the term alcoholic now when referring to my ex. Is he one? I don't know nor is it for me to decide. I simply know that his behavior and choices don't work for me so I keep him at a safe distance (boundary!!!) now. We get along slightly better now... But he's still drinking and still soooo angry. I'm relieved to have my space from it. Nothing has changed for him - everything has changed, for the better, for me.

I'm so glad to be back and see all the familiar faces
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