scacra1

So... after the weekend and A being rushed to hospital after coming off a bike drunk and being called an ambulance by a crowd in the street i have decided its time to take action. He went missing just before Christmas for 3 days also so for me its too frequent now and im ready to do... something.
so i decided to chat with him in a non angry way and tell him that this time ive had enough, that i don't believe this level of worry is fair on me, and that i deserve better and therefore dont wish to put myself through it any-more.
I put it across to him in this way and then pushed it his direction by saying if you cant do something about this then we cant be together. At present our agreement was that he was 'managing' his alcohol, which worked well, ive not seem him drunk in ages, but the binge episodes are what im worried about now, so i guess it didnt work that well!!
so we had the chat and then the next day when he was ready to go to work etc and things were back to normal, i reminded him again, that he has to decide what to do as this cant carry on.
So in my mind, its pretty obvious that we have an issue and may be on the verge of splitting up, he however doesn't seem to have registered this and even though ive made it clear is carrying on as normal.
maybe this is because ive let him get away with it so many times before so he therfore doesnt take me seriously...
any idea of how i can make him realise that i mean it this time, he needs to make the choice between getting some help or losing me, i know that he needs to WANT to do it, and if he s honest and tells me that he going to chose not to get help then that is fine also, but he cant be with me.
have any of you guys been through this? any advice on how to make him realise im serious?

Taking5

Exactly! There have never been serious consequences, why should he take you seriously?

Leave. Don't threaten to leave if he does it again, don't give him another chance, just leave.

melissa6381

As an alcoholic myself there is no such thing as managing for us. I know it's hard for others to understand but I truly believe that our bodies react differently to the stuff.

That being said- it sounds like his addiction is trying to trick him into thinking he can convince you it's fine and hide it from you. He wants both things but can't have it.

I seriously don't have any advice for you because my initial outsider advice is to leave him however i 24 days sober right now and my man never left me or even threatened. I can't believe everything I've put him through. His love has helped me to get sober because he deserves so much more and I want to be better for him.

I guess I think if you say you'll leave then you need to follow through but if you want to stick it then stick it out. Only you can know what's right for you. I can't imagine what it's like to deal with this from the outside and i wish you all the best.

melissa6381

And just an extra note since I wasn't clear- I think doing what's best for you should take precedence over anything else. Leaving him might be the best thing for you and who knows the thing that finally sobers him up?

FeelingGreat

I guess I would ask why he 'needs' to realise you're serious? It implies that you're threatening him so he'll stop drinking, when leaving him should be motivated by what you need, rather than a punishment or threat for him.
It's like bringing up kids. Once you start threatening, you've lost the argument. Instead state your intentions, and then follow through if he crosses whatever line you set. My guess is that he'll test you just to see, and that's when you have to be consistent. It might shock him into sobriety, but that would be a side effect of you doing what's best for you.

redatlanta

The only way he will understand is if you end the relationship. he may go awhile without drinking - A's are crafty, but you know this. Without treatment he will drink again. While he is busy being a good boy for now I would get busy preparing an exit plan.

LexieCat

FG is right on the money. His "getting it" is beside the point. The boundary is for YOU.

Saying, repeatedly, "Remember, this time I really, really mean it" is the Al-Anon version of quacking. Do, don't say.

m1k3

You often hear on this forum pay attention to their actions, not their words.

I have come to realize that this applies to me as well. I should pay attention to my actions not my words/thoughts.

Your friend,

Recovering2

You told him this time you've had enough, so why are you waiting for him to decide what to do? How do you make him realize you mean it this time? You stick to your word and carry through with YOUR decision for YOU. There is nothing you can do to make him do anything. He doesn't get to decide what happens with your boundaries, you do. But if you threaten, then sit back and wait for him to do something, he will have no respect for what you say. It's just words....and he knows it.