RAH cravings for sweets and where that fits in length of recovery
 

When my RAH was still actively drinking but going to counseling to help him maintain sobriety he was advised to try substituting eating something sweet to combat cravings. Apparently that worked for him and in that beginning time of stopping drinking he would often stop at DD for a coffee roll, mid morning or afternoon.

In the beginning he was having one every morning and sometimes afternoons too and then that tapered off to once in a while. Periodically though he will go through a few days or a week where he seems to have to have a coffee roll everyday.

I am just wondering if the times when his cravings are at a high are indications that he might succumb to relapse. It might be my imagination but it seems at these times is when I am most disappointed with his attitude and interactions with me. Although he puts a lot of effort into controlling cravings, I would like to blame his sometimes poor attitude on the minimal effort he puts into embracing AA concepts.

It seems to me that recovery should move beyond resorting to more than obtaining something sweet when cravings arise, especially if the cravings get really bad for a few days.

He is close to a year of abstaining from alcohol, goes weekly to 1 or 2 AA meetings. Claims he is "recovered" but will rephrase that to recovering when I remind him that recovery doesn't just happen.

Just wondering if others have any experience regarding this as I want to see things differently and not let myself be judgemental of the way RAH seeks and maintains sobriety. I am also wondering if I am in denial about how my RAH was drinking for most of our marriage and I don't know or really like the person he is now or hoping that after more time of abstaining and controlling cravings, enough of his AA meetings will sink in that his attitudes will change and cravings won't be so bad.

Thanks for any sharing on this.

it could be that he just likes donuts now? in the big picture, that's a pretty tiny thing to be focused on as the barometer for the soundness of one's recovery.

he hasn't drank in almost a year.
he goes to a couple meetings a week.
and he has a donut now and then.

that's not really IT, is it?
you were expecting MORE. turns out "if he would only quit" isn't the solution you were hoping for. you didn't like him much as a drunk, and so far you are underwhelmed with him as a sober person.

look at bit less to him and more to you for your answers, assure your own happiness!!!!

I hear you.

I think this is what happens to those of us or rather me who was brought up to believe and has yet to let go of the belief that my worth and "role in life" revolves around the build up of my partner.

Thanks for your honest response, I am slowly facing my own truth.

I don't think it means diddly squat. I eat sweets, crave them sometimes, but have no urge to drink. Maybe it has something to do with my body chemistry changing--don't know. But if I don't have the mental obsession to pick up a drink, I'm good as far as my recovery goes.

The "craving" that they talk about in the Big Book is something you get once you DO drink. It's the mental obsession that causes relapse once you have all the booze out of your system.

Ignore the coffee rolls.

My wife is a little over a year sober (maybe) I found she was hiding enough sweets to give evryone on this forum cavaties. She was hiding them like she used to hide her bottles.

I mean cookies, doughnuts, candy etc. So I'm guessing it's to be expected. I just found out that she's medicating or whatever with Nyquill. I'm guessing the sweets are making up for the vodka, and the Nyquill is just helping along.

Just my experience...

It is very common, and it is also common for a sober for quite some time alcoholic to end up being diabetic. Our sweet Carol D was and so am I.

I suspect that deep down you are concerned about his health a bit also. Many alcoholics upon finding recovery become hypoglycemic during the first few years and until they know they are, they get that 'craving' for something sweet. I was hypoglycemic for over 3 years and kept a jar of dry roasted peanuts in my vehicle, in my desk at work, a baggie of them in my purse for when at meetings and definitely in strategic places in the home (quick protein).

It balanced out and for many years I could take or leave sweets. Then I started to get cravings again, and ended up with the diagnosis of diabetic.

So, it would not hurt to quietly suggest to AH to maybe see his Dr to make sure he isn't hypoglycemic.

Other than that, Anvil beat me to what else I was going to say, lol

Keep posting, let us know how you are doing, as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

I would have thought the same as you about substituting cravings, but my partner was advised by his therapist to do something similar-take a shot of sugar water if he had a craving. Seemed weird to me...

Anyway, I don't think he has done that, but his pockets are always full of chocolate bar wrappers now. I was hoping he would ween himself off them with time, but he's stopped drinking only a few months ago and your husband stopped almost a year ago so I guess I shouldn't hold out much hope!

I actually work with a guy who had such a sugar addiction (though he wasn't an alcoholic) that he would literally eat whole, full-sized cakes at a time. He couldn't stop himself. It was even affecting his work and home life. One day, he just quit. Like an alcoholic, he can't take a single bite or he relapses, so he abstains completely (or at least as much as he can considering there's a lot of hidden sugar in foods). I guess this proves all addictions are powerful.

Considering there's an awful lot of sugar in alcohol, I wonder whether there is a link there between sugar addicts and alcoholics...

Nyquil is 25 percent alcohol. That's the equivalent of 50-proof. So if she is "medicating" with Nyquil, she is DRINKING.

My husband came home from rehab with a severe Oreo addiction :) I thought it was the funniest thing but the Dr told him that it was normal for recovering A's to crave sweets because of the amount of carbs in beer/alcohol. Once he quit drinking his body craved sweets which once eaten caused a chemical reaction in his brain giving him the same false sense of euphoria/anxiety relief as his beer once had.

I personally don't mind. I'm not particularly concerned with either of our weights so some nights I sit down and indulge with him. I have noticed a decrease lately tho, where it used to be nightly... right before bed it seems to just come and go now ( today is his 100th day w/o a drink)

My RAH is different from the man I married, some days I like the new him and some days I don't. I'm first and foremost grateful for his sobriety/recovery and for his fellow alcoholics/sponsor, they are an inspiration, not only to him but to myself and children as well. We've been seeing a therapist going on 6mo now and I know we couldn't have made it that far without it. Seems like you could use some "me time" not only to sort out your feelings about your husband/relationship but to have fun and take care of yourself as well. I know I can catch myself becoming wrapped up in my husband, his emotions, his recovery, mental stability... I rarely ever put that kind of consideration out there for myself but it sure feels good when I do.

Good luck

You beat me to this. I gasped when I read this. I have a patient at my pharmacy that is constantly buying Nyquil for her RAH and we've tried to explain this to her and she doesn't get it because her H tells her he isn't getting drunk off it. If a RA wants to use Nyquil to sleep, he/she should try taking Bendaryl tablets instead.

Back to dancingnow's original post. My RA boyfriend (just hit 1 year) has become obsessed with putting Hershey's syrup in his coffee. He drinks decaf now but that is all he drinks all day. He also NEVER ate desserts but seriously joined Sam's Club JUST to buy large boxes of honey buns and other similar pastries. I was also concerned about his sweets intake. He was tested and everything was ok but his doctor got him a glucometer just to be sure. It is a genuine concern. I just asked him if his cravings for sweets ever feel like alcohol cravings. For him, the answer is no. He said it's just a new appreciation he has.

The same can be said for his eating habits in general. He has found that his tastes have changed and he's discovering a lot of foods he never appreciated before.

As for the connection between these cravings and the way he behaves towards you. I found this intersting. I can't say there is a coincidence between the two for us but we have had times over the past year where I felt like he treated me very different than he did before. And I can honestly say that I am currrently going through a period right now where I feel like I don't know how I feel about him.

Don't get me wrong. I know I love him but sometimes wonder if I am still IN LOVE with him. I worry that what I might have been in love with was the needy man who needed someone to always take care of him. Now that he is so independent, I have found myself thinking now and then, "Well, my work here is done". He is all of the great things he was before but a better version.

So why is it that I feel less in love right now? I think the main reason is that I am not as happy with myself. I spent so many years worrying all about him. I thought I was ok but now that I have more time and energy for myself, I am discovering wants and needs I never really thought about or buried. I think to myself, why can't he do this or that for me anymore but then really wonder, did he ever and I just chose not to care? And are these things that I should be doing for myself? Now, I need to focus on making myself happy with me. Just as he is taking on more self-responsibility, I need to as well. If he can do it, so can I right?

I never thought much about the link between the sweets cravings & RAH's mood swings or struggles in sobriety. I read this post & thought, huh. Never thought about that.

Over the last week RAH's mood has been building & he's also not back into a regular meeting time/day since switching back from a night to day job. He's like 12 days since his last mtg & generally he needs one weekly or he starts getting twitchy.

Last night he worked a bit late & then the first words out of his mouth when he walked in the door were, "I need sweets! What do we have that's sweet?"

:dunno: It definitely made me stop & go "Hmmmmm......." after reading this thread.

It's a comfort to hear from everyone with their thoughts. Thanks.

Once again, your situation seems to mirror mine, FireSprite. My partner's therapist is on holiday at the moment so he hasn't seen him for a couple of weeks. The sugar cravings have increased though, and he has started to put sugar in the yoghurt and fruit breakfasts I make him in an effort to steer him away from the greasy fry-ups he used to eat. I guess the natural sugar in fruit just doesn't do it for him.

I do find it a big relief, though, when I do the laundry and find chocolate wrappers in his pockets rather than the bottle tops I used to find!

This is why I'm so happy you are back...
 

Thanks!