a little help at the beginning

Old 04-30-2004, 11:16 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: detroit, mi
Posts: 3
a little help at the beginning

my spouse is an a and i was wondering about some info at the beginning.
all of what is going on has come together recently, and is like a whirlwind. i guess my biggest question now is where to set the line for certain things in life. i have been to an open meeting, and to an al-anon meeting and read all of the information that was given to me in my packet. i am trying to take this one day at a time, which is really harder than i thought, and give the person some time to work on it. i know a lot of work needs to be done by me, for myself, and my well being, but i dont just want to shut up and be a fool i quess is what i am trying to say. the question is the money/bank account. i do all of the family accounting and my spouse is a little bad at it, or it could be the addiction, and i found a post on out online statement in which they had removed some money and did not say anything. i quess i put it along with an evening in which they were distant and maybe smelled like it, but no where near the few previous times. so after all that babble, should i ask them for the reciept, and should i seperate out family account from their life for my own well being, and financial safety. thankyou.
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Old 04-30-2004, 11:21 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Hey cccc,
Welcome, I'm glad you joined us.
I think you could save yourself a lot of trouble by getting the finances seperated. Money has a weird way of going POOF when they're using.
Just my opinion.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:54 PM
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Location: the desert,ca
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Red face Re: a little help at the beginning

Separating our money was the best thing I ever did! They can always say sorry but it doesn't put the money back...
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Old 04-30-2004, 07:55 PM
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Location: Ohio
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Re: a little help at the beginning

Definately ok to seperate the finances. We did it and it is still that way, even though he is clean.
After I could trust him with money we seperated the bills so that one person was not responsible for getting everything mailed and paid.
I think it is good in our situation for him to know how much is going out in bills, and how much we have left over.
Then their are no questions as to where all the $$$ is.
Good Luck and Welcome to Sober Recovery!
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Old 04-30-2004, 09:54 PM
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Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 23
Re: a little help at the beginning

If you are to afraid to ask them if they took the money out I would call the bank and make sure the identity theft is not occurring, just my opinion.
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Old 04-30-2004, 10:12 PM
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Re: a little help at the beginning

Welcome to SR cccc,
I don't have an opinion about the money thing. It seems like each couple has to work that one out for themselves.

I did want to welcome you and invite you to take a read around. The sticky Posts at the top of this forum by smoke get in my eyes are just great.

I am glad you are going to meetings. Al-Anon has helped me so very much in my recovery. It has become a way of life for me even though I am the only one in the family that works a program.

Do take care and keep coming back so we can get to know each other. We even manage to have alot of fun along the way.

Love and prayers from one who cares,
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Old 05-01-2004, 08:47 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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Re: a little help at the beginning

hiya cccc,
I haven't seen you here before now so welcome to SR.

Separate the finances if you can. My partner is useless with money and I have kept absolutely everything separate and will continue to do so. I'd say that it's also a great idea for you to continue keeping a close eye on your funds. I don't know about you, but G will spend the last dollar he has on booze. Also, if you keep your financial affairs separate, your credit rating is less likely to be adversly affected in case he does something very irresponsible with money and gets himself into debt which you may not even know about. I've heard all sorts of stories about couples who've separated and suddenly one half of the couple finds themselves with a debt which was run up by their former partner which they didn't realise even existed!
Keep coming back
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