Mast3rShak3

I'm going to make this as detailed as I possible can. Lets start off with me my name is Andrew and I am 22 years old I live in portland. Well the problem I don't know what to do about is my mother drinking I was a kid when she started maybe 8-9 well she drank boxed wine every day and my dad and her had problems and my dad killed himself for reasons beyond drinking he was a good man a very, good man. Well anyway after he died my mom tried hard to take care of me then she met this guy jeff and jeff was a meth head drunk and safe to say he put me thought a lot of **** getting kicked out of the house at 12 years old being smacked and almost killing me with a knife... anyway, after he went to jail and my mother lost her newborn she ended up going into a clean and silber house at this point I was living on my own from about age 15-17 and when she moved into the clean and silber living home she moved me in after about a month and she got clean she did mess up once or twice but, I turned 18 and we both moved out and into a place in a different county well she met some one named roger. Roger isn't too bad but, he spent 15 years in jail and he started drinking beer with her on the weekends witch I guess is ok kinda so I didn't say anything to them well we then all 3 moved into a new place and they started drinking beer every night then it got worse and worse and I finaly told he what I thought and every time I do she says there stopping tomorrow well it has gotten even worse she has been drinking wisky and **** and she gets so bad she cant walk and her husband roger does it too and he is very quick to anger and is always taking **** way over the top. Anyway, I don't know what to do they need to stop she just fell down in the bathroom and roger got all pissed at me because she was yelling for help and I was outside and **** and when I came back in he gets all pissed that I didn't come help her he was on the phone and blames me then I get pissed and told them both off for drinking I just don't know what to do.

Pelican

Welcome to the family!

Thanks for sharing some of your story with us. It does sound like your mom has fallen back into active alcoholism, I'm sorry about that.

When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved ones alcoholism:

I did not CAUSE it
I can not CONTROL it
I will not CURE it

I stuck around here and starting reading some of the older posts at the top of this forum page, I started sharing, venting when needed and learning about the disease of alcoholism.

One of the older posts that really helped me is about helping a family member. I will share the link to that post for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

LexieCat

Hey, Andrew,

Sounds like you've had a lot on your plate for someone so young. I'm sorry all that stuff happened, and sorry it is happening again. Pelican is right--there isn't much we as family members can do to stop someone else from drinking.

There IS, though, a lot we can do for ourselves to make our own lives better. Are you in school, or are you working? Sometimes the best thing we can do is to try to escape the craziness. I know you love your mom and hate to see her living this way, but there is really nothing you can do to make her stop. She knows how to find recovery if she wants it. Sadly, I've seen the same kind of thing with my second husband, who almost died from drinking, got sober for a while, but then went back to it. The alcohol is more powerful than they are, and more powerful than we are.

You might want to check out some Al-Anon meetings. It can be good to talk with other people who know exactly what you are going through.

Recovering2

I'm sorry about your situation, but give you credit for trying to find help. You've already heard about the 3 C's. You have one life, and you are only responsible for your life. You can't do anything about your Mom's choices, but you can certainly make choices for your life. PLEEEZ find a local AlAnon group, and make yourself walk into that first meeting. You need a local network of people who totally get your situation. There is no judgement or criticism in those meetings, only support.

EnglishGarden

Welcome to SR Mast3r,

Anyone who has been raised by an alcoholic or drug addict can relate to your story, especially your last line: "I just don't know what to do." That is the pain of the child of an addict: the child whose childhood is sacrificed to an out-of-control addict parent and thinks that he has to save the parent somehow. It is a cycle, it is what happens in families of addiction and it has been your life story so far.

There are good Al-Anon meetings in Portland. Every Noon Mon-Fri at the Alano Club at Kearney and 24th. Every Sunday morning at 10:30 at the Woodstock Community Center. Every Sunday night at the Paulist Center on 16th st SE near Division. (I am hoping you mean Oregon and not Maine). I have visited all those meetings in years past when I lived in Portland, and they have people there you can relate to. The meetings last an hour, first name only just like AA, and they are for family and friends of addicts/alcoholics. It is a place where people like you can get their head straight about what is and is not their responsibility. You do not have to talk, just listen. Show up and listen. Google "Al-Anon Oregon" to find other meetings and times....these I can personally vouch for but there are meetings all over the city. These particular meetings tend to bring in the young urbanites.

It is said that alcoholics do not have relationships, they take prisoners. This means that unless a family member gets some serious help, he will lose his entire life and growth and opportunities and mental and emotional health to an addict who should be getting clean and start acting like a grown-up!

I hope you try a meeting soon. It's time you break out of that prison.

1newcreation

Andrew..let me welcome u here 1st...this is a place of refuge online!!
I suggest you join Alanon & it will teach you how to cope w/ loved ones struggling w/ booze...wish you the best & hang in there coz they NEED u

LexieCat

I don't agree with that. Ultimately, loved ones struggling with booze need other alcoholics who can show them how to recover. Family members can have compassion, but the alcoholics don't "need" them to recover. In fact, the more loved ones try to "help," the less motivated the alcoholic often is to recover.