Must be doing something right(mom brag)
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Must be doing something right(mom brag)
I'm at a tennis tournament for my 14 year old son in El Paso, TX. For those who don't know, my son has ADHD, learning disabilities, and Tourette's Syndrome. His tics have really been bad since he started going through puberty and shot up 2 inches in the past few months.
He was playing his doubles match today after winning both his singles matches and his opponents were 2 local boys whom he has played before. He likes both these boys and is amiable with them on court. My son's partner wasn't happy with my son talking to these boys during the change overs(you change sides every odd numbered game). My son and his friend pulled out the win, barely. When they were exiting the court, one of the moms came over to me and told me that my son is the nicest and most honest player she's ever seen on court. She said he's a joy to watch and that I, as a parent, must be doing something right.
Shortly therafter the other opponent's dad came over to me and said, "I love watching your son play. He is a great sportsman and obviously loves the game and is very talented. B(his son) thinks very highly of your son."
Then my son gets a text from another kid who passed on a message from their mom telling him how much of a great sportsman he is and how she appreciates his honesty.
OK: so the reason this all brings tears to my eyes is because my son has so much against him that some days I get overwhelmed just trying to get him to grasp the basics of long division still(he's 8th grade) or how to write a research paper. He has a father who's an alcoholic and has been verbally abusive to him, yet he still has a great attitude and is well-liked by others. I guess I just need gentle reminders to just keep doing the next right thing with him, and trusting that it will all work out for him in the future. He always has people rooting for him and I sometimes forget that they're there. I parent with the attitude that it's me agains the world, because that's how I've lived my life in my marriage. Until recently, obviously, I was so messed up that I couldn't see the blessings in front of my eyes, nor could I see the damage my AH had done.
I can finally see both the good and the bad, and I appreciate all the experiences I've had up to now. I try to teach my son the same. I guess I haven't screwed him up too bad, LOL. I just had to share with someone because I need to be reminded that I don't suck as a parent and a homeschooling mom. Gee, that's eye opening to me, sheesh!
He was playing his doubles match today after winning both his singles matches and his opponents were 2 local boys whom he has played before. He likes both these boys and is amiable with them on court. My son's partner wasn't happy with my son talking to these boys during the change overs(you change sides every odd numbered game). My son and his friend pulled out the win, barely. When they were exiting the court, one of the moms came over to me and told me that my son is the nicest and most honest player she's ever seen on court. She said he's a joy to watch and that I, as a parent, must be doing something right.
Shortly therafter the other opponent's dad came over to me and said, "I love watching your son play. He is a great sportsman and obviously loves the game and is very talented. B(his son) thinks very highly of your son."
Then my son gets a text from another kid who passed on a message from their mom telling him how much of a great sportsman he is and how she appreciates his honesty.
OK: so the reason this all brings tears to my eyes is because my son has so much against him that some days I get overwhelmed just trying to get him to grasp the basics of long division still(he's 8th grade) or how to write a research paper. He has a father who's an alcoholic and has been verbally abusive to him, yet he still has a great attitude and is well-liked by others. I guess I just need gentle reminders to just keep doing the next right thing with him, and trusting that it will all work out for him in the future. He always has people rooting for him and I sometimes forget that they're there. I parent with the attitude that it's me agains the world, because that's how I've lived my life in my marriage. Until recently, obviously, I was so messed up that I couldn't see the blessings in front of my eyes, nor could I see the damage my AH had done.
I can finally see both the good and the bad, and I appreciate all the experiences I've had up to now. I try to teach my son the same. I guess I haven't screwed him up too bad, LOL. I just had to share with someone because I need to be reminded that I don't suck as a parent and a homeschooling mom. Gee, that's eye opening to me, sheesh!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Long division and research papers are both highly overrated skills, IMO. (Disclosure: I've been struggling with a long research paper for months now, and I would like to shoot the person who invented footnotes.)
He sounds like a great kid, and it sounds like you have, indeed, done a great job of teaching him the stuff that REALLY counts.
I always love to hear parents who are proud of their kids.
He sounds like a great kid, and it sounds like you have, indeed, done a great job of teaching him the stuff that REALLY counts.
I always love to hear parents who are proud of their kids.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
He sounds like an awesome kid! And obviously many others think so as well.
You are doing a great job, that is clear. How wonderful that he has such a good support in you. Great on winning the tennis tournament too! That is a tough sport!!!
enjoy the good things, the good times, they grow up so fast.
You are doing a great job, that is clear. How wonderful that he has such a good support in you. Great on winning the tennis tournament too! That is a tough sport!!!
enjoy the good things, the good times, they grow up so fast.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 43
Your wonderful story brought tears to my eyes! What a special young man you are raising. It is such a good reminder to all of us parents that in our "get ahead" society there are more important things to teach our children than the skills needed to get straight A's. Honesty, compassion, hard work, respect for others - sounds like your son is years ahead of most adults I know... :-)
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Thank you everyone for reading and sharing. He plays his last match this AM before I drive the 7 hours home. My AH has been great with our son lately and for the first time in years since we have been traveling for tournaments, my son asked to call his dad to tell him about his second singles match yesterday. I was shocked. Son and I had spent 4 weeks away over the summer in FL and then Texas for his tennis and not once did my son ask to call dad. So, obviously AH is making an effort and is improving his relationship with his son and that's a good thing.
As for my relationship with AH, that's still at a standstill. I can't seem to conjure up any positive feelings as I try to work through all the past hurt and I'm working hard at not being a martyr or a victim. I'm trying to keep my perspective and see where I may need to change my viewpoints. Maybe I need to go back and work on forgiveness again? It's just so hard when you know they're still drinking and lying about it and when you know they're lying about other stuff and all you really want is honesty. Yet, you know you won't get it because they are sick. I am still working on acceptance of that, but I can't seem to determine if this is something I can live with much longer. The uncertainty of it all makes my head hurt and my heart ache. I know that life is always uncertain, believe me I've seen so much crap in my life that hits you out of the blue, but I want a stable marriage. A place where I can lay my head and know that, at least right there, I am safe. I don't feel safe with AH because of the choices he's made and because of how he treats me at times, and that's really what I need to work on.
As for my relationship with AH, that's still at a standstill. I can't seem to conjure up any positive feelings as I try to work through all the past hurt and I'm working hard at not being a martyr or a victim. I'm trying to keep my perspective and see where I may need to change my viewpoints. Maybe I need to go back and work on forgiveness again? It's just so hard when you know they're still drinking and lying about it and when you know they're lying about other stuff and all you really want is honesty. Yet, you know you won't get it because they are sick. I am still working on acceptance of that, but I can't seem to determine if this is something I can live with much longer. The uncertainty of it all makes my head hurt and my heart ache. I know that life is always uncertain, believe me I've seen so much crap in my life that hits you out of the blue, but I want a stable marriage. A place where I can lay my head and know that, at least right there, I am safe. I don't feel safe with AH because of the choices he's made and because of how he treats me at times, and that's really what I need to work on.
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