Dating for about 1yr-->He was in Recovery-->Relapse-->6mo sober living-->Now what?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
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Originally Posted by workingonme11 
No offense cerene.....but how dare you. Dont judge my struggle.....and it is in fact a struggle....
You do a whole bunch of soapbox talk regardless of if you have been there done that.....
I shouldnt feel judged because thats exactly what you're doing.....
Maybe read the post that was just put up in FF of Addicts re: being sensitive to new members...
Ive been reading a whole lot of your responses to other threads and they pretty much have been terribly harsh and filled with judgement and self righteous banter...
It certainly behooves everyone to be respectful and EMPATHETIC in each of our journeys.....
You do a whole bunch of soapbox talk regardless of if you have been there done that.....
I shouldnt feel judged because thats exactly what you're doing.....
Maybe read the post that was just put up in FF of Addicts re: being sensitive to new members...
Ive been reading a whole lot of your responses to other threads and they pretty much have been terribly harsh and filled with judgement and self righteous banter...
It certainly behooves everyone to be respectful and EMPATHETIC in each of our journeys.....
When I first came here I thought these women were so PESSIMISTIC and they were flat B's!!!! I KNEW my situation was different and that my A was going to MAKE IT!!!!!
He was different... we were in LOVE!!!! That is why my name was Hopeworks!
Years later... I tell them all the time they were right all along.
My XA... well he got sober, and then got drunk, went to detox, rehab... throw in a few jail and hospital stints in between and multiply that by at least 6 times in 4 years. We have been split up for the past year and he has been trying to get me back desperately...
but I learned and listened from the wise voices on this forum, Alanon and my counselors and told him 1 year. He reset that clock once and he got another 4 months clean in AA.
Yesterday he relapsed and called me drunk. I hung up on him. Told him to send me a picture of him picking up a white chip.
Today I got a call from his sponsor. He got another sponsee to drive him to Vegas.
And so it goes. 9 times out of 10 they relapse. If that works for some of us and we accept the life of a mate of an A with all of its drama and stress with our eyes open... then good for them.
Me... I am glad I stuck around and listened to the hard words and became a believer because it set me free... really free.
I am not crying, I am not wringing my hands, I am not obsessing... I am at peace because I am not in control and I let it go and am trusting God.
So... some of us are rough around the edges... we earned it... we have been through hell and back loving our A's only to watch them go off into the sunset to kill themselves either quickly or slowly... and we had to let them go... or die ourselves a little bit at a time.
We share our experience, strength and hope.. and well, its not a happy ending. It's not judging... it's just that we know what we know and we want every woman out there to NOT go through what we did.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: south carolina
Posts: 38
Self righteous? You said you knew he was messed up from the beginning. What I said was this is my experience. This is what I did and this is why I did it. If my telling you what I did is is self-righteous then it's self-righteous. It's not about judging you. I've done too much of what you've done for that. It's about giving my experience so others don't have to walk that road. It's amazing how people ask for opinions and then get mad when they get it. If you want people to tell you your boyfriend is a butt and you are perfect, say that. Then people can give you what you want.
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