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Dating for about 1yr-->He was in Recovery-->Relapse-->6mo sober living-->Now what?



Dating for about 1yr-->He was in Recovery-->Relapse-->6mo sober living-->Now what?

Old 03-02-2013, 09:06 PM
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Giving him a chance to. . . . ?

Reflect on that.

If you think he will be able to put himself together enough to build a solid relationship with you in 2013, or should build a relationship with you in 2013, then you have not read enough books on the disease.

Yes, we all know that vortex of chaos that is inside us when we are affected by an addict.

Do not make any decisions right now that will have long-term consequences, okay? Step back, keep very minimal contact (many here will suggest you suspend all contact for awhile but you may not be able to do that), and get a counselor if you can afford one (to put the focus very much on your issues and not his) and place yourself in an Al-Anon meeting a couple times a week.

You are no match for his addiction and you are in a very fragile state right now. You need help where you are, help from sane people who understand your situation and state of mind. Do not go this alone because you will crumble. It is a powerful force, addiction. And his history is pretty shocking.
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Old 03-03-2013, 03:30 AM
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First of all..............don;t beat yourself up. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
Been there, done that.

You can get into your own recovery, Alanon Meetings, take some time and distance for yourself.

Are you in anyway dependent on him Emotionally, Financially, Physically, Psychologically?????




Originally Posted by workingonme11 View Post
Thank you for all your replies. Struggling right now. Lots of information over the past few days.
I am..... Angry. Disgusted. Motivated. Heartbroken. Sick. Resentful. Confused. Dysfunctional. Shameful. Embarrassed. Distraught.
I am realizing that I am in waaayyy over my head and I realize that I feel like I am drowning in his sickness. His illness has taken over my life, too.
And I didn't even realize it.
Sooooo.....WHY AM I FEELING LIKE I AM BEING UNREASONABLE, UNFAIR, I'M JUST NOT GIVING HIM A CHANCE....
I mean...we can all change right????? Feeling so dejected......
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:14 AM
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Originally Posted by workingonme11 View Post
I am realizing that I am in waaayyy over my head and I realize that I feel like I am drowning in his sickness. His illness has taken over my life, too.

This ^^^^is why I said you were codependent. My own definition of codependency and enabling when I joined SR was to "help" someone's addiction. Its a wide term and in some ways I would reduce it down to forsaking your own happiness in order to try and make someone else happy. it includes exhaustion both physically and emotionally, and is such a vampire that you DO completely lose yourself in the rat race of fixing someone and trying to make their life better while your own is falling apart.
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Earthworm View Post
First of all..............don;t beat yourself up. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
Been there, done that.

You can get into your own recovery, Alanon Meetings, take some time and distance for yourself.

Are you in anyway dependent on him Emotionally, Financially, Physically, Psychologically?????


I am not dependent on him financially or physically. Emotionally and Psychologically, may be another story.
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Old 03-03-2013, 04:03 PM
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The great news is we can break those patterns and start living a happier life.



Originally Posted by workingonme11 View Post
I am not dependent on him financially or physically. Emotionally and Psychologically, may be another story.
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Old 03-03-2013, 04:57 PM
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let's do some math here...

you knew each other when you were children. I presume that was quite some time ago. you met again as adults. you live some distance apart and thus didn't really SEE each other in their daily lives, only in the times you got together.

you started dating roughly one year ago. since that time he finally revealed to you his problems with addiction - mind you he was drinking at the time. his drinking rapidly progressed and he wound up in hospital or detox 3 times in rapid succession. for the past SIX months he has been in a treatment type facility, even further removed from you.

the facts are you BARELY know this guy!!!! he has a bad history regarding his addiction and where it took him. once addiction is set in place it never goes away. EVER. at best it is placed in remission. and that takes monumental effort, every day. his history has demonstrated that he can NEVER again safely use drugs or alcohol. at all. as you have now witnessed any return to use escalates to dangerous levels.

he has a big mess to resolve - not only his own addictions but dysfunctional familial relationships, and a 9 year old daughter which we could only hope he strives to be a good father to. a good decent solid responsible dependable parent. he has a whole life to reconstruct.

in this short chaotic year you feel you have become emotionally and psychologically dependent upon him. and yet he's never really BEEN there. he's either been racing headlong on a path of destruction OR clawing his way out.
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:56 AM
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Exclamation

Well.....he did it...
He graduated the program. I was working mine...which he did not like....and after acting like I have been a bother to him, one day....out of the blue...he just stopped all contact.
But not before he played games, blew me off, made a million excuses about why he coildn't talk to.me. Soooo indicative of how it was when he was actively drinking...
No contact now verbally since Friday night at 530pm and text msg since SAT. Morning.
Today is.my birthday and i have been in distraught, crazy grieving, feeling used and abandoned.....

Someone in this thread stated that if he was initially a recovering heroin addict and waited three months to tell.me that certainly means he is not in rrcovery...
However, now he had been working this program (or so i thoight) becaust it was mandatory. Now that he is an employee, making money, having power abd a sense of control in his life....the meetings became second third proority..work is first. Period.
He got what he wanted out of me and out of the program....and itvall worked to his manipulating advantage.

Anyway, i am desperately trying fo not blame myself for him pretty much abandoning me....without one word one text one phonecall or email.
I am.in an incredible amount of pain and honestly wonder what does recovery of an A/AH look.like?? Real recovery?
Whatever the substance.....what is true being in active recoveey mean?
Is it just not drinking/using and sporadically going to a meeting here and there?. Can you be in recovery with no sponsor? Would the A or AH be still lying, sneaking, manipulating, avoiding? Would athe A/AH be handling a breakup like this? Just because he livijg and working in a 'sober living' (which btw, the majority of the 100+ residents are still actively using...whether drink.or drug)

Ive been reading and came across "what addicts do"...powerful and i read it outloud everytime.....it hits hard to.my core.
Soooo what does recovery look like? I need to know me. My sanity.....my health..
I am maintaining the no contact....however people say he will try and make contact at some point....but i have a strong feeling i will never hear from him again. Which of course would be a good thing....but i need an understanding that what he is doing is unhealthy for anyone in active recvoery...
Right now the crazy making has gotten so.bad and now has infiltrated my head.....that it feels very much like that he is the healthy one and by the looks of it....seem while i am.a basketcase mess and trying to pick up the pieces of this life.
Now he is apparantly happy go.lucky..no worries in the world, and to.me it just seems like an act until.he gets his next fix.
I realize that i was his fix to.some degree...then when that started to wane? He started to binge until.near death on many occassions. Then the fix/high of getting clean, the adrenaline rush of that.....then the fix/ of him being in sober living for only 2 mo....and was already prmosed a paid kitchen mgr position (he is a chef by trade) once graduated from thjs program is complete. So instaead of workibg the humble jobs like everyon else there....he started the job anyway deslote the no pay til graduation.
Work was also.another one of his addictions....
Now he has the fix/high of acceptance, free rent for a private room inside the facility, a paycheck, a job and the power which he manipulated often (ie: they love me, i can get away with anything, they overlook stuff for me, etc.) I coikd see over the last 2-3 wks since formally starting this ppsition that be was becoming like a ferociuos animal with the job. Never getting enough done, working when he wasnt on, and worst kf all the same people he was working with 2-3 wks ago...were the addicts and AH they were his peers...
Now? H would call then morons, junkies, stupid etc. and looking down on them like they are useless. Once peers now he powers over them.with being their boss......
He does not identify or equate himself as an addict/AH like them....maybe because of his race or education or that he didnt grow hp in the projects like most of these guys.....
He sees himself better than them (this is in Newark, NJ) No gratitude, gratefulness or most certainly no humility or grace.

So I am perplexed......if he or anyone is in acfive recovery....would behavior like this still be so.prevalent and so all.consuming?? Sounds a lot like bkrderljne white knjckling even though he is LIVING inside a rehab facility.
Personally I think its only a matter of time before he either relapses or finds ankother big fix to get that high he needs.
Or am i totally off the mark and this is what active recovery is? His track record fkr the past 19 yrs at least has been no more than 6-8 mo max before he cannot stay inside a situatioin and needs a new "fix"...
As mjch as this thread sounds like its about him....its really about me trying to.make some semse and have some type of peace. I am.not going back. Im worth more and dont deserve this treatment or lack thereof....I know i may never get closure from this situation....but i am determined to find some peace and wisdom along the way.....
Thanks so much....
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:54 AM
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I know it doesn't seem like it now but believe me if you can stick with YOUR recovery and unravel your issues this is an awesome gift he's given you. This is your chance to get on your feet. When one door closes another one opens, your recovery door has just opened very wide for you and only you.
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:32 AM
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Time to let go.

His recovery is his problem. He apparently, for WHATEVER reason (and it really isn't relevant for your purposes), is not ready for a relationship with you. Period.

Forget about the addiction for a moment. Suppose he had simply left you, with no explanation, in other circumstances. You would still have to grieve the relationship and move on. Analyzing why, why he is behaving this way, does nothing for you.

Focus on your own healing, and let him worry about his.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:25 PM
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WOM, I don't know if this is going to come across right but I want you to know I'm being as sincere as I know how to be. I feel so bad for you and I know you're having a hard time. I know this is going to be hard to believe, but you may need some help. I think professional counseling if you have the resources but Al Anon is better than nothing. Your past, which you said you've worked through, might be affecting you more than you realize. The fears of abandonment and being unworthy, unwanted, are not coming from a 1 year long-distance relationship with 6 months of that in rehab. It has to be deeper than that. I'm sorry if I'm not saying it right but I know those feelings. They're awful.

As for recovery, and this is coming from a RA, addict men are not good people - in my experience, with years and years of drinking and using. (The women aren't either but I'm focusing on men so I'll stay on topic.) They're manipulative. They're liars. They're selfish and self-centered. EVERYTHING is about them. An addict's number one rule is: HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT? That's first and foremost and sometimes the only rule. It comes before love, compassion, trust, loyalty, family, friends, everything. And what they want over everything else is drugs and alcohol. If you remember that, everything else makes sense. Everything.

Your boyfriend just stopped using drugs. His actions aren't those of a recovering person because he doesn't have any recovery. At this point, he put the drugs and alcohol down but he's still really sick. Like really, really sick. You can tell that by the things he said and his attitude. He's not a nice person. He's not a loving person. He's just an addict who put the drugs down. What I said above applies to him.

Recovery takes time and dedication. He doesn't have that yet. He doesn't have the mental or emotional capabilities at this point to be a good boyfriend. His thinking hasn't changed. He still has the same mindset he had when he was on drugs and alcohol. That's why everyone keeps telling you to focus on you. Give him time to get better while you focus on making yourself better. With some work on you, you could be even better for his recovery. Focusing on how much he wasn't calling or texting you when he was in treatment, focusing on all the things he's not doing in his program and putting pressure on him to meet your expectations right now, may be codependent or needy and could actually hurt his recovery. A lot.

I use to have a habit of finding very broken men and trying to fix them. I called it giving them a chance but really I was trying to fix them. In the back of my mind, I thought if I helped this person, he would see what a wonderful person I was, be oh so grateful for all I did for him, and love me forever and never leave me. I would make him the man I knew he could be, with my guidance, and in return he would be the love of my life forever. That never worked. Not once. I'm not God and I can't fix a broken person. Only God and that person can fix that person. I had to step back and look at myself and ask myself why I didn't think I deserved better. It took awhile but I can see how my childhood set me up for failure in relationships. Maybe your childhood is doing you the same way.

Sorry this is so long but my heart just hurt for you. If you're offended by anything I said, I'm sorry. I'm not judging you whatsoever. I've been there, done that. I'm even married to a man who was in recovery for almost 2 years before he relapsed, 1 1/2 months after our wedding, so I know the struggle. The difference is he was a good man when I met him. I didn't try to make him into a good man. And I'm not trying to fix him today. He has a God for that. I'm just taking care of me, living my life, and wishing him the best. If HE gets HIS stuff together, without one iota of help from me, I'll be back. If not, I won't. I was alive and well before I him, I'll be alive and well after him. I think remembering that would save a lot of women from a lot of misery.
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Old 03-12-2013, 04:28 AM
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Here's an outsider's perspective: It's astonishing how you've made all of this your problem.

It's not! He's not your husband of 20 years, he's not your son or your father or your only sibling. He's some dude you've had some dates with. You don't owe him a thing.

It's funny how a dysfunctional childhood will sneak up on you. You'll feel yourself in control of life, happy, successful, and then suddenly you find yourself wrapped up in some loser's drama just because you want to feel needed. (At least, that's how it's been with me!)

Focus on the good things in your life and have some fun. He'll either join the living again or he won't. Nothing you can do about that.
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Old 03-12-2013, 04:31 AM
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Cerene. Thank you.
I have been in personal counseling for over 15 yrs for myself because of my childhood abandonment and ACOA issues.
I want you to know that the reasons why I felt like its somehow my fault of him cutting contact was because I know it was getting stressful and he was feeling pressure almost immediately once he finished the program. Unfortunately, that was coupled with him being a terribly beligerent, inpatient, immature, distant sometimes even mean person. Honestly....this person had reared his ugly head; but only when he was actively using. The timing seemed too.coincidental because he was saying things like "we got this babe!" "God hasnt brought us this far to seperate us now!!" And when i'd feel inpatient or lose faith he'd say how much time we had left to be apart..."only two.more months and it will get easier. We can see each other more and I am.free to call and text you whenever!"

Of course, the anticipation was palpable. It was like waiting for a celebration.of freedom.on so.many levels for him, for us...for our relatiinship...so I had a clear and seemingly reasonable expectation set. By him.

I would be upset when he would not call me. But it was because he would say he would call, follow that up with a text that said he cant call now and he will call later..followed by another txt that says he cant call and now he is too tired to call or text? Repeat this daily....and later never happened. I realize that he has priorities and that I.am not number one. I went into this realizing that....however, if the above scenario happens over and over...and the behavior is that of mirroring the behavior he acted on while actively drinking....it really is a mess for knes mind. Over the last few wks/months he had been lying, getting caught in lies and bizarre scenarios he woul himself create (ie: i sent him.a card and something small for Vday. He told me he sent a card in the mail to me....must have been lost in the mail.....he swore it for two wks..on his own *did the card come yet?" until I.finally said " there is no card, is there? You never did send me a.card for Vday?" He finally admjtted that in fact no there was no card coming....)
Shame or not. Whats the point of that? Getting my hopes hp in expectation only to fully flat out create a scenario to let me down......okay so now FF to last week. He was excited about my birthday wknd all week. We both were. We even went to a tennis match for date night last Monday....was really nice. That though was followed by a crazy week.of being late for work, sleeping all the time, avoiding me, blowing me off altogether.
Just because I have needs and expectations does not make me needy. The constant build up then disapppointment of his words became an issue. I never cared that he couldnt call me or text me. But then dnt tell me you are going to at x time and then don't. (This would happen EACh time.... It seemed very much like avoiding me and before i knew it three days have past and we havent talked at all. I believe ive done an excellent job checking my expectatiins throughout this entire scenario....being realistic and fair to both of us.
I knew he was tired last week...I wanted him to relax and not feel.pressure to.come up. Starting Fri morning he was already saying "oh snow is bad. May not come" followed by a few more other excuses why he may not be able to make jt.....We talked on Friday on a phont call .....1st one I was met by anger and a seething nasty lecture about "what dont i understand about tge fact tgat he is tired and he just wants to be abke to relax after work and not go anywhere."
I wasnt pressuering him to do anything but try and solidify plans that was made and understand what he needed to feel less prrssure...whatever that meant and regardless of whether or not they had to be modified.
This went on until Saturday morning, in which he texted me at 630am saying he slept from after dinner until just now (13 hrs), he was sorry and he was sleeping the entire time. Thats it. I didnt know whatvto think. And theyvsay if your not sure what to say....dont respond. So I didnt. I didnt txt or call him back. And quite frankly it felt like he was making yet another excuse about trying not to see me.
I called him Sun morning and left a VM. Told him.i got his txt and i didnt hear from him as well as the fact thatvi was giving him space he seemed he needed. I told him i hoped he had a nice day and caught up on some good rest which js what he seemed to need. I told him i hoped to hear from him soon.....
Never responded Sunday..... And yesterday was my actual birthday and not even one txt/call/nothing...That hurts. Of all days? Why would he pick that one? Trying to get a pointvacross? That its over? Teaching me a lesson (which he often does with silence/brooding) for actually having needs or a bad minute or just needjng to regroup mentally so that we can come back together with clear heads??
Im damned if i do. Im.damned jf i done. But either way...he seems to be the only one in the equation...always.
I have aquienced on so many occasions and didnt think expeting a call would be so difficult...all while being blown off.
Im doind the best i can in a very difficult situatiin...and knkw that many of us who.love addicts find ourselves sad, angry and even resentful that it seems we cant have bad days... cant be upset over something legit; because it doesnt fall within the A/Ah comfort zone. Its frustrating but I believed in us and in this process. With patience and love and compassion and understanding......but i am.not perfect. I screw up too. However that doesnt seem forgivable. And some question why our self worth is shot? Self esteem suffers from.not feeling valued or respected? So i stepped back.....and look what happens......he throws me away the second I didnt fall back.into the games of the back.and forth, underlying point he would try to get across by avoidjng me, piecing things together through text msg.

I was doing my best for someone who is in a pretty unique and messed up situation....

I go back.and forth betweeen jts my fault. I shoild have been.MORE understanding....MORE this MORE that. But isnt that not pitting boundaries up for my own well being??

As soon as I started to NOT be ONLY taking care of his needs wants an desires....Im thrown away???
It all seems so.deliberatley hurtful...I.mean why on my birthday would you not at least reach out??
So so hurt. Still.confused. heartbroken and still so.lost in this.
I would LOVE to get to a mtg every single day....i have three children which makes it very hard when.there is no childcare at the mtgs....but im doing my best.

He told me he loved me couldnt wait to see me...only to cut me totally out which just feels alot like me being punished for not giving him another break. Not giving him what he wants.......

Whats worse? He is acutely aware that being abandoned is my biggest issue.....did he really never care because he now abandoned me.....
Just seems unneccesarily cruel.....
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Old 03-12-2013, 04:41 AM
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Okay so that being said, is this relationship making you happy,meeting your needs, and is this what you want to waste your energy on?
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Old 03-12-2013, 04:56 AM
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Oh. And just a side note...
Many people here are saying he's not a nice person....From my experience i have seen more nice gentle kind mannerisms more tender sincere moments from this.man than nasty beligerent obstinance. Absolutely. He is supportive and loving he is affectionate and interested.....regularly.
However, is this the manipulative or lying aspect of who he is?? *Shrugs*
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:05 AM
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Earthworm.....
Of course anyone of us who.love an addict or AH realize that dilemma of not being as happy as we could be,, not getting our needs met, right? I assume thats part of the struggle.....
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:40 AM
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Stop psycho analyzing him. You want an answer to *why* he is acting why he is acting. He doesn't fit the mold of descriptions on here of a nasty, belligerent addict. According to you, he is gentle and kind, tender and sincere. Supporting, loving, affectionate and interested.

You know what - I believe you. Now here is the way it is - for whatever reason he is no longer pursuing the relationship. I don't know if its his recovery or what but he is going from a different direction than you. Is a a manipulative liar? Dunno, we watch way to many movies and make things way more complicated than they are. Stick with facts and actions. His actions are saying he is not into a relationship. Period.

Its very painful, and illogical what he has done - please keep in mind that people without addiction issues DO THE SAME. If you have abandonment issues then you need to solve those for yourself. You can't put that on someone else lest you end up thinking that every person in the world is going to leave you eventually. There is no script in life. I tell my husband that often - he used to tell me how I could have said things "better", or in the future when you (me) need to tell me (him) some bad news I need you to do A), B) and C) in your delivery. Really? What difference does it make? It I wrecked the car shouldn't I say 'I wrecked the car" as opposed to "dear, are you having a good day? You are? Ok well I have some news. First let me say its not that bad. I don't want you to get upset and there is nothing to get upset over. I wrecked the car".

In other words - what better way could he have ended this that would have been less painful for you? I think the result would have been the same no matter what he said and yeah I think he is taking the p***y way out by giving you slight mixed signals.

Try and work on your detachment, stop trying to get inside his head - you can't. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing you could have done that would have changed this. What you can do is take control of YOUR life and move along without his issues.
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:44 AM
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My relationship started working alot better for ME when I started to not depend on him for my happiness.

Why does it need to be a struggle? Why do we give away all our power so easily.
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Old 03-12-2013, 06:09 AM
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working,

I didn't literally count them, but do you know how often you used the words "expect/expecting/expected" in your post?

Expectations are at the bottom of so many of our emotional upsets. They are, essentially, premeditated resentments. I know it feels as if you aren't expecting "much" -- a card, a call, a text on your birthday, but at this point it seems obvious that any expectations you have are going to lead to disappointment.

I agree that for whatever reason, he is not into this relationship right now. I know that is disappointing. Not all relationships work out. I think the sooner you let go of this one, grieve it, and move on, the better you will begin to feel.
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:05 PM
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"They're manipulative. They're liars. They're selfish and self-centered. EVERYTHING is about them. An addict's number one rule is: HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT?"

Addicts are not good people. You keep trying to figure yours out as if he's some normal guy. He's not a normal guy. He's an addict. Imagine this - you see me looking at a cow and I'm complaining that it doesn't meow, it doesn't purr, it doesn't drink milk, it doesn't chase mice, it doesn't jump, it doesn't cuddle, and on and on and on. I'm guessing you would look at me and say "Cerene, that's not a cat. That's a cow." Then I say to you, "I know it's a cow but it doesn't meow, it doesn't purr, it doesn't drink milk, etc." You would think I didn't understand what a cow does. That's what I'm saying to you. He's not a nice, normal guy. He's a guy you met in the throes of addiction. And addicts - using addicts and brand new in recovery addicts - are not nice people. They're liars, they're manipulators, they're self-centered, they're selfish, and they're sick.

What you want from him isn't a lot. It's really not. But it's more than he can give you and it's more than he wants to give you. You keep being confused about why he's not acting right but if you realize his main priority is "HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT?", it all makes sense. He's been who he is from the beginning. Basically, look at his actions more than his words and you'll spot a user every time.

He's being a jerk because he knows he can. You've allowed him to lie to you and be mean to you and you're still there, questioning yourself on what you've done wrong, and he'll use uncertainty against you. For example, sticking by him while he was away. To some people that's loyalty; to the addict, it shows you're boundaries are not strong. Most emotionally healthy women would have bailed when they realized how messed up he was. Since you didn't bail, he thinks you're not emotionally healthy. And while everyone may deserve a second chance, usually they get that chance after they've proven themselves. You're heavily invested in this relationship and he has no track record of success. He told you a bunch of words and you fell for them. He knows he hasn't done anything to deserve you sticking around so it has to be less about him and more about your neediness. Not saying it's true, but that's how it looks to the addict. I always knew the guys with the super man complex when they offered money for bills, drove me all over town running errands, bought me gifts, or got out of bed at 3 am to pick me up from a club or someone's house and we had just met. They weren't nice. They were desperate. And they got used. Seriously. Addicts latch on to desperate. And then you told him you had abandonment issues? Not good.

"Many people here are saying he's not a nice person....From my experience i have seen more nice gentle kind mannerisms more tender sincere moments from this.man than nasty beligerent obstinance. Absolutely. He is supportive and loving he is affectionate and interested.....regularly." You just posted about him not being a nice person. You just said he was not meeting even the smallest expectations, he was lying, he was getting aggravated with you, and he blew off your birthday. You said he's been like this since rehab. Now he's a great boyfriend? I'm guessing what you're referring too are words, at the beginning of the relationship, that required no effort and definitely don't match his actions. Maybe step back and do a timeline of your actual relationship. You may be able to see how much he really hasn't done for you.

If I know addicts, and I do, he'll call you eventually. Once he's finished doing whatever he's doing - using, cheating, whatever. At least to check in. An addicts will NEVER, EVER burn a bridge, without a serious reason, because he might need you for something later on. Even if he doesn't like you anymore, he'll call eventually. I personally wouldn't answer.

I have to say it --> SAVE YOURSELF! RUN, RUN, RUN!
cerene is offline  
Old 03-13-2013, 06:13 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Thank you so much.....

I do think part of this confusion I have about this, is the fact that as I started learning more about addiction; this ENTIRE time I thought not actively using for years on end meant he was in recovery. He told me he was done with heroin in 2005 and hadn't touched it since 2012....(Wow!! 7 years!!, I thought..)
In fact....it was only on THIS THREAD that I learned what someone in ACTIVE recovery should have done when we first got together.....disclose it. Not wait 3-4 months....I learned he was just ABSTAINING from heroin. He may never touch it again. True. But that doesn't mean he was in ACTIVE RECOVERY dealing with its affects and the behaviors associated with addiction. I literally just learned this like last week....so I've been trying to wrap my head arpund all of these new things Im learning about addict behaviors and such.. in a very very short period of time. Its all so fast. This info would be a lot to digest for anyone...now this breakup that, you are right....with a man who I was heavily emotionally invested in...for and truly no good reason....
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