findingmyslf

Day before yesterday my ah started drinking at 11am. A new low for him. Usually he at least waits until nighttime. Of course the drinking buddy was over drinking with him. So I come home for lunch and they are drinking. I was disgusted but didn't let it show. Just asked if he could please come home tonite. He agrees and tells me he loves me and i go back to work. No phone call later, come home to an empty house and I called him once on his cell, no answer. Next morning I am off I go run errands and get a call from him. first words, I'm sorry. He tells me him and his buddies got a hotel room. Which I think is so stupid when it is all in the same town, why not just come home. So anyways, he comes home and is never going to drink again but doesn't want to go to AA he is strong and can do it himself. He sleeps all day and all night. This morning he calls and is a d**k. He is all attitude. Says something about his buddy coming over, not today but in the future..I said I thought you were taking a break. He's all smart ass..whatever YOU want, he says to me. Is that ok with YOU? Like I am the bad one...I should have known it was all the moment...Just tired of being hopeful...

Crazy Mary

It breaks my heart to hear this... It just seems like they are all the same, but you sound strong with is the good part. I know how hard it is to have them "not come home" and "not answer their cell phones". It is the same story over and over again! Just stay strong. It is ok to be hopeful, as long as you remain strong and continue to let go...

Lorelai

When I pin my hopes on him, I am likely disappointed. When I pin my hopes on ME, wonderful things happen. I decided to accept the fact that my husband may never stop drinking - ever. If that is the case, what do I want? Do I want to spend the rest of my life tangled up in his drinking or do I want to live a happy life? Simple question - complicated answer.
Keep the faith - there is something you can do and it has absolutely nothing to do with him.
Hugs - L

Gabe

I can't say anything better or wiser than what Loralei said.
It's okay to be hopeful, just make sure that you pin your hopes on something that has a chance of success.
Peace,
Gabe

lil'bit

I needed to read this today. H has been drinking a great deal again the past few weeks, after cutting down for a while. I knew that the cutting down was likely temporary... and actually I am handling the current situation very well, for me. But I'm tired and drained from other things in my life (work situation) and it hurts to come home to a half-absent partner. In some ways, it might be easier to be on my own -- but, bottom line, I love him and am committed to staying -- and I am working on taking care of my own needs. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though.

findingmyslf

thanks to everyone for replying. It is good to have so much positive energy around and that's what gives me hope is all of you! Lil bit it's just good to know I am not struggling alone. I am committed to staying as well, just sometimes it is so much harder then others. I love him with all my heart sometimes he just becomes a stranger and is harder to love.

journey1

i felt committed to stay too at one point. i married him thinking things would change, then i had his baby thinking things would change, he asked me to have the baby, he never changed no matter what i did and becuz of my vows i promised but when my baby was 18 months old, i would look at her and think she cannot live a life like this. how would it be when she was old enough to see daddy come home drunk or at 6 in the morning. the impact it would have on her. i grew up in an alcoholic environment and it was painful and i carried it on in to my relationships. only now through al anon and aa can i understand the alcoholic and understand myself, being co dependent and i can do it on my own and it is great to think about me for once and not have to worry about what he is doing. and he is still out there drinking and doing cocaine and everything else, including neglecting his responsibility as a father. he lost everything. i just wanted to share my experience with you.

findingmyslf

He left today, telling me he needed to be alone to think. He says he doesn't know where he is going. I know he is having withdrawals. I suggested relaxing or something and he told me it would be easier if I would stop telling him what to do. No matter what I say it's wrong. This is just so hard sometimes. I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do or say. It's like I have no say in my own marriage. Everyday I am not sure what to expect...just venting....

kodfishy

At an Al-anon meeting I went to this week we talked about the role of shame in the addiction cycle. Alcoholics drink, then are ashamed of the drinking and the actions they took while drinking, then drink to cover the shame...circle, circle, circle. If he's unable to stop, then he probably is feeling really guilty and ashamed of where he is. It's hard to feel compassionate when they're doing awful things to us, but it sounds like he's in a rough place too. Just something to think about.

confusedme

I can totally relate....Eventually you stay so hopeful that you give up on the relationship. My husband has been promising me he was going to quit and that he could do it on his on for 4 years, but he still drinks about every night. He sees nothing wrong with it. Now, I am so bored with our relationship, I stay miserable and so does he because all I do is complain about his drinking. I don't know what to tell you, but I am in your shoes too..