Katiekate

What are you getting out of this????

Manmust

The father is 12 hours away. He is physically and emotionally abusive. They divorced 7 years ago. Of that, the son lived with his dad 1.5 years, then moved back with her and I.
She has no family within 20 hrs of here. Her 19 year old daughter is extremely mature and knows her mom has issues(just last weekend told me I'm too good for her mom and thought I needed to take care of myself)
So, I'll talk with the daughter.

A(and drug abuser)GF just spent 20 min talking to me. I told her she needs to be gone. I'm fine having her kid stay here if she needs to go. But she needs to get. If she can't find a friend(most friends are alcoholic losers that live with patents still or troubled relationships) to stay with, she can stay here until the end of the month. But absolutely no drinking or drugs at all. Taken here or somewhere else, or I will have her removed by the cops. Told her to think of this as a half way home.
She tried throwing some stuff in my face, quack, quack, quack.
Eventually pulled her tail between her legs and apologized. Off to workout and work for a few hours.

Me, I'm feeling pretty freakin empowered. Stood up for myself with this thread playing in my mind in the background.
I'm gonna do me today. Not sure when her daughter comes in town yet. Gonna finish my work paperwork. Shower, then go take a drive in this beautiful weather. Going to go visit a friend that has also been helpful, go to a music store and finish my day at a new al anon meeting.

Time to feel my soul.

With much love,

manmust

(if you wonder about the name, it was random words, I just wanted to register and it kept rejecting any user name I picked lol)

DreamsofSerenity

I totally agree about the welfare of the kids, but would like to emphasize that your daughter needs to come first. And the bottom line is being around your drunk, mouthy, GF is very unhealthy for her. I understand you care about her son as well, but he is not your first responsibility. Furthermore, you can't protect him from his mother even when he's under your roof. I agree with Lexie, I'd call the cops the next time she has him in the car drunk. If you really want change, some firm and decisive steps are going to have to be taken. The way I see things now, you are choosing your sick gf over the well being of your own child. Did you read Shannon's new post about serenity in the home? Kids really need that kind of peace and stability. I'm sorry if I sound harsh or judgemental, I just feel really bad for those kids. I understand your situation is very difficult but perhaps it will become easier if you consider the children first.

AnvilheadII

take the kids eh?

Katiekate

Awesome plan for the day.

Al anon sounds like a great plan.

Manmust

My child is 50% with me. Fortunately doesn't come back until tomorrow. Her 19 year old is off at college. It's just the 13 almost 14 year old son

DreamsofSerenity

I was sending my post, just as you sent yours. I am glad you stood up to her and are feeling empowered. It's a good step.

Manmust

No, do you have a link? Is it a post or blog?

DreamsofSerenity

It's a post called "Time...And a good recovery program."

DreamsofSerenity

I mean a Thread..

Recovering2

I'm glad you set some limits. Again, I would say have a FIRM move out date for her. And I wouldn't expect that she follows the "absolutely no drinking or drugs at all". She's not in control of it. If she was, she would stop. So just be realistic about what you're asking. Even though her family isn't nearby, you've given her until the end of the month. That's plenty of time for them to come get her son and take him out of the situation.

I hope you have a peaceful day & enjoy time with your friend. We all want the best for you dear Manmust.

Tuffgirl

It's not that you can't, it's that you won't. There is very little we can't do. Aside from breathing underwater maybe. I am sure technology will allow us to do that in the future, too!

I wouldn't let go - not for a long time. I envision it in my head looking like me running behind my XAH holding onto his shirt, screaming and nagging at him trying to get him to change so I could have the fantasy I wanted.

I'll never forget the day that I let go. It was heart-breaking and gut-wrenching and almost a year later, it still seems fresh and raw some days. But something finally clicked. I hit the point of no return. The craziness got so overwhelming that I felt stupid for going along with it. My kids were pointing out the obvious (her older daughter should be a voice of reason to you right now - trust me - kids see what we choose not to see). I was finding it harder and harder to justify my decisions. And he was 18 months sober at the time (so he says).

I had to let go of my fantasy.

I never had him to begin with. I had an alcoholic who was a chameleon and said/did everything he could to protect his addiction. I had the illusion. I didn't EVER have the real thing that I was so desperately hoping for.

I know there's a real guy in there somewhere, but I no longer wanted to put my life and my responsibilities on hold to wait for that real guy to appear. And, what I was seeing at 18 months sober was not even close to the guy I thought I married. As a matter of fact, not much had changed at all. He was still overly-jealous, irrational, self-centered, and immature.

And lastly, you are a role model to these children in the picture, is this the kind of example you want to set? That one got me the most - realizing I was modeling some very unhealthy behaviors. That alone made the decision to let go so much easier.

Move on, manmust. Let her go, save yourself, and teach your kid a very good lesson on boundaries and not accepting unacceptable behaviors. Believe me, the world is full of women who have dysfunctions you can tolerate, hell, maybe even enjoy! ; )

Manmust

Truth!

I see that I'm in love with someone that's not really there....I guess I wanted it. I guess my mind created it, and by profession, I take care of people and problems in the healthcare field....so the caretaker portion seems to stay with me.

Manmust

I ended up on a 2 hr nature walk. AGF popped in home to grab some paperwork. She was with her friend that gave her the Klonopins. Anyway, she was cold and short. Said she found a place to move into 2.5 weeks from now. She left. I'm about to head out and meet up with my friend.

Manmust

She asked me to cancel our therapy appointment. Says our relationship isn't salvageable.

She's done so many bad things this past weekend, says one thing, displays something else through actions.

She wanted me to enable her last night and she got denied. Now she's all kinds of mad...saying I'm hard to talk to...
Well yeah, hard to talk to about supporting something that's destroying you.

Good luck floundering.

marie1960

"Says our relationship isn't salvageable."

^^^^^ If YOU can accept this, ^^^^ it will make moving on, possible for you.

Doesn't matter what she thinks. This is about you.

Manmust

"I asked you not to drink. You did.
You accuse me of treating you like an invalid, you asked for a ride because you were too drunk.
You knew I was having a rough day, yet did what you did, then came home and didn't want to stay with me because I was too down. If only you had consideration for me, like I have about you. I'm sorry, but this is not salvageable. You are right. "
My text.

And now, the barrage of hate filled texts are rolling in.
Must be quack o'clock.