AXBF and psychic connections
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Location: Halifax, NS
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AXBF and psychic connections
Two weeks and no contact. Last time he made contact, I was unable to focus all day, and decided to forgo my pottery class to sit in my anixety and call all my closest friends and talk about him. Couldn't get my axbf out of my head, and although I will never make contact, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Then that night, he called after 7 weeks of no contact.
It is not the first time, I get the feeling he will call or show up, and then he does exclaiming that he can't get me out of his head and can not focus. I am always in the same state. Other times, I will check my email and a message will come through and not be blocked because my email is open, after weeks of not speaking and there it is (normally it gets spammed and I delete my trash as soon as I open it - no temptation). Every time he went to the drunk tank, I was the first person he would "run into"
I think it is wierd. Maybe it is a test from my higher power, and ignoring it gives me more strength and self esteem to move on.
Tonight I am feeling the same way. I guess I am scared he will call, or text me. But although people may think I am crazy being enmeshed with someone, and always being really intuitive since a young child, I can feel when he is "calling me". I also believe that I am putting energy out, and am trying to distract myself and stop calling out to him.
Has anyone or does anyone have this similar experience?
I try not to read into it, and look forward to the day, that I no longer recieve his messages.
Then that night, he called after 7 weeks of no contact.
It is not the first time, I get the feeling he will call or show up, and then he does exclaiming that he can't get me out of his head and can not focus. I am always in the same state. Other times, I will check my email and a message will come through and not be blocked because my email is open, after weeks of not speaking and there it is (normally it gets spammed and I delete my trash as soon as I open it - no temptation). Every time he went to the drunk tank, I was the first person he would "run into"
I think it is wierd. Maybe it is a test from my higher power, and ignoring it gives me more strength and self esteem to move on.
Tonight I am feeling the same way. I guess I am scared he will call, or text me. But although people may think I am crazy being enmeshed with someone, and always being really intuitive since a young child, I can feel when he is "calling me". I also believe that I am putting energy out, and am trying to distract myself and stop calling out to him.
Has anyone or does anyone have this similar experience?
I try not to read into it, and look forward to the day, that I no longer recieve his messages.
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The email thing is an easy one. You normally trash your spam folder, where his email normally would be, but if you leave the program open, of course it shows up. He probably sent a bunch more that you don't know about, so it is hardly a "coincidence."
As far as the phone calls go, you can screen your calls. What do you do when he calls? It sounds as if you are having a conversation with him, which is what he wants.
If you have told him that his calls and texts are unwelcome, and he continues to do it, you could look into getting a restraining order. Rather than having a psychic connection, he probably counts on waiting until you are holding your breath expecting to hear from him. How long you allow this to go on is, to some extent, up to you.
As far as the phone calls go, you can screen your calls. What do you do when he calls? It sounds as if you are having a conversation with him, which is what he wants.
If you have told him that his calls and texts are unwelcome, and he continues to do it, you could look into getting a restraining order. Rather than having a psychic connection, he probably counts on waiting until you are holding your breath expecting to hear from him. How long you allow this to go on is, to some extent, up to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
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You are not crazy, but you could be codependent.
Do not make any connection with him, text, telephone or psychic.
You are a grown woman with free will, just say no.
The Allmighty knows you have the power, he does not need to test you.
You have all you need right inside of you.
Use it.
Beth
Do not make any connection with him, text, telephone or psychic.
You are a grown woman with free will, just say no.
The Allmighty knows you have the power, he does not need to test you.
You have all you need right inside of you.
Use it.
Beth
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I wanted to add that I think being intuitive (or mildly psychic) is linked to codependency. I also have been this way since I was a child. It makes sense: if one is constantly reading other people and worrying about other people, one would develop better intuition than someone who is not so outwardly focused.. I remember being a kid, walking into a room, and knowing exactly what was going on with everyone in the room without a word being said. I am still that way. I view it as a symptom of my codependency.
And about the testing thing, I believe the Universe (or whoever) puts situations and people in our way to help us learn and grow. For example, if we don't grow and get healthy after one alcoholic, another one will come into our lives, until we finally have learned our lesson and can move on. Perhaps "test" isn't the right word. A think a Buddhist would call them opportunities for growth.
And about the testing thing, I believe the Universe (or whoever) puts situations and people in our way to help us learn and grow. For example, if we don't grow and get healthy after one alcoholic, another one will come into our lives, until we finally have learned our lesson and can move on. Perhaps "test" isn't the right word. A think a Buddhist would call them opportunities for growth.
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Originally Posted by Erika1968 
I wanted to add that I think being intuitive (or mildly psychic) is linked to codependency. I also have been this way since I was a child. It makes sense: if one is constantly reading other people and worrying about other people, one would develop better intuition than someone who is not so outwardly focused.. I remember being a kid, walking into a room, and knowing exactly what was going on with everyone in the room without a word being said. I am still that way. I view it as a symptom of my codependency.
And about the testing thing, I believe the Universe (or whoever) puts situations and people in our way to help us learn and grow. For example, if we don't grow and get healthy after one alcoholic, another one will come into our lives, until we finally have learned our lesson and can move on. Perhaps "test" isn't the right word. A think a Buddhist would call them opportunities for growth.
And about the testing thing, I believe the Universe (or whoever) puts situations and people in our way to help us learn and grow. For example, if we don't grow and get healthy after one alcoholic, another one will come into our lives, until we finally have learned our lesson and can move on. Perhaps "test" isn't the right word. A think a Buddhist would call them opportunities for growth.
Around my AH I could detach somewhat...never tried to control his drinking or clean up his messes but I did find that my intuition could not be turned off. Everyday I would sense the disharmony in him/our life/our house and that I couldn't detach from. Being around that crap just eats me deep even if I mind my own business. Maybe it's co-dependant...or maybe I just have a strong intuition that yells at me when I'm in a situation I don't need to be.
I definitely think you can form very unique bonds between people and you should be aware of who you are attracted to/is attracted you/who you have in your space.
I think the remedy is a big heap of no-contact and some self-focus.
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I'm sorry, I don't know how to quote and make it blue.. 
But the following, I could have written myself! It's so nice to hear others with the same experience..
"Around my AH I could detach somewhat...never tried to control his drinking or clean up his messes but I did find that my intuition could not be turned off. Everyday I would sense the disharmony in him/our life/our house and that I couldn't detach from. Being around that crap just eats me deep even if I mind my own business. Maybe it's co-dependant...or maybe I just have a strong intuition that yells at me when I'm in a situation I don't need to be."
But the following, I could have written myself! It's so nice to hear others with the same experience.."Around my AH I could detach somewhat...never tried to control his drinking or clean up his messes but I did find that my intuition could not be turned off. Everyday I would sense the disharmony in him/our life/our house and that I couldn't detach from. Being around that crap just eats me deep even if I mind my own business. Maybe it's co-dependant...or maybe I just have a strong intuition that yells at me when I'm in a situation I don't need to be."
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Hi threeC's
Yes, my ex and I had that. We commented on it.
I don't want to go into explaining it too much because I have a hard eniugh time taking my thoughts off him.
I think it has to do with energy. Our thoughts and passion is so directed at this person we're obsessed with that we're beaming energy. They are doing the same thing, obsessing, feeling strong overwhelming feelings toward us--assuming they're still in that stage.
If we have intuitive sensitivity and if they do too, it makes sense to me that we would be tuned in to each other.
I thought it meant we were meant to be, that we were connected, and maybe there are other aspects that are beyond ordinary understanding. Trying to figure them out wont help. The important thing is to learn how to strengthen and respect ourselves so that we aren't so emotionally needy that we hook into another similar kind of person.
I notce that people who didn't "do it" again talk about how after living through it once, they DETERMINED that no way were they ever going to go through that again. That they respected and cared about themselves too much to fall into another one out of desperation--that they truly were willing to be alone rather than allow a fustercluck like that again.. And so that's what they did--took care of themselves, looked deeply at what patterns they were acting out from the past and stayed far away from seductve, but screwed up, people.
I think, being codependent, and them being addicted, we both have emotional issues and are way out of balance with powerful emotions and dependencies. My mother, who was severly unbalanced (baaad case of Borderline Personality Disorder) also had some pretty strong psychic abilities that came through every now and then.
I'm trying to get my balance back.
I don't know if this was helpful at all...I hope it was...
(I'm on my mobile, so I hope this isn't too choppy)
Yes, my ex and I had that. We commented on it.
I don't want to go into explaining it too much because I have a hard eniugh time taking my thoughts off him.
I think it has to do with energy. Our thoughts and passion is so directed at this person we're obsessed with that we're beaming energy. They are doing the same thing, obsessing, feeling strong overwhelming feelings toward us--assuming they're still in that stage.
If we have intuitive sensitivity and if they do too, it makes sense to me that we would be tuned in to each other.
I thought it meant we were meant to be, that we were connected, and maybe there are other aspects that are beyond ordinary understanding. Trying to figure them out wont help. The important thing is to learn how to strengthen and respect ourselves so that we aren't so emotionally needy that we hook into another similar kind of person.
I notce that people who didn't "do it" again talk about how after living through it once, they DETERMINED that no way were they ever going to go through that again. That they respected and cared about themselves too much to fall into another one out of desperation--that they truly were willing to be alone rather than allow a fustercluck like that again.. And so that's what they did--took care of themselves, looked deeply at what patterns they were acting out from the past and stayed far away from seductve, but screwed up, people.
I think, being codependent, and them being addicted, we both have emotional issues and are way out of balance with powerful emotions and dependencies. My mother, who was severly unbalanced (baaad case of Borderline Personality Disorder) also had some pretty strong psychic abilities that came through every now and then.
I'm trying to get my balance back.
I don't know if this was helpful at all...I hope it was...
(I'm on my mobile, so I hope this isn't too choppy)
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Lather, rinse, repeat, typical alkie BS...........he will keep calling, as long as he feels he has a chance of getting you to reconsider.
I had to keep reminding myself to keep the focus on ME. Too much positive energy was wasted on a a whole bunch of "what if's" .
I think we can easily talk ourselves into anything, and that's why I no longer think in those kind of terms. It's always a struggle to get myself back on track. Psychic or just wishful thinking? I have learned to be careful with my thoughts, because the next thing I know they become my words, and before I know it they become my actions.
Stay strong.
I had to keep reminding myself to keep the focus on ME. Too much positive energy was wasted on a a whole bunch of "what if's" .
I think we can easily talk ourselves into anything, and that's why I no longer think in those kind of terms. It's always a struggle to get myself back on track. Psychic or just wishful thinking? I have learned to be careful with my thoughts, because the next thing I know they become my words, and before I know it they become my actions.
Stay strong.
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Originally Posted by LadySage
Around my AH I could detach somewhat...never tried to control his drinking or clean up his messes but I did find that my intuition could not be turned off. Everyday I would sense the disharmony in him/our life/our house and that I couldn't detach from. Being around that crap just eats me deep even if I mind my own business. Maybe it's co-dependant...or maybe I just have a strong intuition that yells at me when I'm in a situation I don't need to be.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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He made contact today through text message and did the alcoholic "you have been on my mind" after no contact for over two weeks.
It is codependency, enmeshment, feeling what he is feeling when he was always so detached from his emotions. I am glad I posted when I felt it, as reading your posts made me feel very certain about my emotions, and I asked for no contact.
Sometimes we think this connection is "special" and we read into its meaning. But I know it is leftovers from my codependant relationship / addictive relationship and being so enmeshed with an addict.
Today, I am mad at all those silly love stories we were told as kids. My axbf and I fell in love at first sight (my first red flag) and we always spoke of how connected we felt no matter where we were and then this. I guess when stories told you this was "true love" they should have included resources for co dependency at the end of the book.
I am going to be more conscious of where I project my energy and who gets to fill up on it.
It is codependency, enmeshment, feeling what he is feeling when he was always so detached from his emotions. I am glad I posted when I felt it, as reading your posts made me feel very certain about my emotions, and I asked for no contact.
Sometimes we think this connection is "special" and we read into its meaning. But I know it is leftovers from my codependant relationship / addictive relationship and being so enmeshed with an addict.
Today, I am mad at all those silly love stories we were told as kids. My axbf and I fell in love at first sight (my first red flag) and we always spoke of how connected we felt no matter where we were and then this. I guess when stories told you this was "true love" they should have included resources for co dependency at the end of the book.
I am going to be more conscious of where I project my energy and who gets to fill up on it.
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Haha. Yes, TheThreeCs, every gift of a Disney romance to a little girl should include a copy of "Women Who Love Too Much" or "Codependent No More." I totally know how you feel. I'm glad you asked for NC. You will feel better.
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Hhhmmm...I don't think I necessarily believe that the connection described is co-dependency. I totally believe in it, and have always viewed it as a higher form of energy between two people. Like knowing when something is wrong with my kids. Or knowing before the phone rings who it will be. I've always been very intuitive as well, and have taken personality tests and score high in that area.
However, I don't put much stock in the connection as meaning anything other than a connection. And if I have that connection with someone that I don't want to be connected to - it takes a certain amount of energy and self awareness on my part to stop putting thought into it.
And then, of course, is the downside of intuition, like I can't make that connection with the handsome guy in the office suite across the hall from me! Darn it! ; )
If you want no contact, you have to enforce it by not answering calls, texts, emails, and retraining your brain to stop obsessing about it. It takes time, but it is doable.
However, I don't put much stock in the connection as meaning anything other than a connection. And if I have that connection with someone that I don't want to be connected to - it takes a certain amount of energy and self awareness on my part to stop putting thought into it.
And then, of course, is the downside of intuition, like I can't make that connection with the handsome guy in the office suite across the hall from me! Darn it! ; )
If you want no contact, you have to enforce it by not answering calls, texts, emails, and retraining your brain to stop obsessing about it. It takes time, but it is doable.
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
Wow, I can totally relate to this. I commented to a good friend once that simply lying next to AH I could feel his emotions through his energy vibrations. I also felt that he was leeching good energy off of me & when we separated it did seem that way because at first I had this rebound of constant energy from not having someone else sucking it out all the time. With other people I could stop that outflow of energy but with him we were so enmeshed I couldn't seem to figure out how to stop it completely. I doubt it was a conscious effort on his part anyway, more like habit after so many years together.
Hoping I can keep my energy to myself!
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LadySage, I think intuition can be a gift, but I also think it can be something that helps keep codependents to stay enmeshed. I've just recently started to feel like the gift of intuition might be born from codependency. (Just as alcoholics are skilled manipulators). Or, maybe intuitive and sensitive people are just more likely to become codependents? In the same manner, are manipulative people more likely to become alcoholics? Or does the alcoholic develop the skill of manipulation to help maintain his addiction? It could be a bit of both.
I have no idea what I'm talking about really. This is all just a theory in progress. This thread has been very interesting to me because I'm seeing that other codependents are also intuitive, and that I might have been right about a link between the two.
I recently used my intuition for good. I was out with friends and met a guy. He was about ten years younger than I am, but seemed to fall for me immediately. I gave him my number and we texted for a while. I ended it before it ever started, with very little explanation, almost in fear. (Ran for the hills). My friends thought I was completely out of my mind because he seemed so sweet and was very good looking. When I told them it was because I knew he was an alcoholic, they thought I was even crazier, and told me it was impossible for me to know that as I had no evidence of it whatsoever. They laughed at me kind of lovingly like "there she goes again with her nutty psychic stuff." (I will add that these are the same friends who ask me all the time to meet people they want an opinion on, because I am such an "amazing judge of character.") There is no doubt in my mind this guy was an alcoholic, and on some subconscious level, he knew I am a codie, which explained his instant attraction.
The point of my long-winded story is that we can use our intuition to save us too, so it is a gift. If it's the one good thing to come from a lifetime of focusing on others, let's keep it but put it to good use!
I have no idea what I'm talking about really. This is all just a theory in progress.
This thread has been very interesting to me because I'm seeing that other codependents are also intuitive, and that I might have been right about a link between the two. I recently used my intuition for good. I was out with friends and met a guy. He was about ten years younger than I am, but seemed to fall for me immediately. I gave him my number and we texted for a while. I ended it before it ever started, with very little explanation, almost in fear. (Ran for the hills). My friends thought I was completely out of my mind because he seemed so sweet and was very good looking. When I told them it was because I knew he was an alcoholic, they thought I was even crazier, and told me it was impossible for me to know that as I had no evidence of it whatsoever. They laughed at me kind of lovingly like "there she goes again with her nutty psychic stuff." (I will add that these are the same friends who ask me all the time to meet people they want an opinion on, because I am such an "amazing judge of character.") There is no doubt in my mind this guy was an alcoholic, and on some subconscious level, he knew I am a codie, which explained his instant attraction.
The point of my long-winded story is that we can use our intuition to save us too, so it is a gift. If it's the one good thing to come from a lifetime of focusing on others, let's keep it but put it to good use!
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I never thought of intuition as tied to codependency.... not sure if there's a link although can see how it would add a level of intensity when the 2 qualities exist in the same person.
I've always experienced strong intuition in my life - seeing spirits, having many premonitory dreams that come true to finite detail, & tons of constant little gut-tugs that tell me when to choose right over left & things like that on a daily basis.
When RAH started recovery & we talked about past events with more honesty he confirmed that is was UNCANNY how I always seemed to know when to push harder, when he was being manipulative or deceitful behind my back in ways I couldn't possibly know (we were separated). When we compared stories my gut-tingles always related to "more being revealed" even when I had no idea of the who, what, when, why or how. I knew to call right then for some reason. He said he started to seriously wonder if I had planted hidden cameras or mics in his truck or something.
But these are things I've experienced my whole life that just became more fine-tuned with RAH due (I expect) to being together for so many years. My intuition was always on high alert but my personal power was being drained by the relationship & I had to fight to get that back again.
I've always experienced strong intuition in my life - seeing spirits, having many premonitory dreams that come true to finite detail, & tons of constant little gut-tugs that tell me when to choose right over left & things like that on a daily basis.
When RAH started recovery & we talked about past events with more honesty he confirmed that is was UNCANNY how I always seemed to know when to push harder, when he was being manipulative or deceitful behind my back in ways I couldn't possibly know (we were separated). When we compared stories my gut-tingles always related to "more being revealed" even when I had no idea of the who, what, when, why or how. I knew to call right then for some reason. He said he started to seriously wonder if I had planted hidden cameras or mics in his truck or something.
But these are things I've experienced my whole life that just became more fine-tuned with RAH due (I expect) to being together for so many years. My intuition was always on high alert but my personal power was being drained by the relationship & I had to fight to get that back again.
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
When RAH started recovery & we talked about past events with more honesty he confirmed that is was UNCANNY how I always seemed to know when to push harder, when he was being manipulative or deceitful behind my back in ways I couldn't possibly know (we were separated). When we compared stories my gut-tingles always related to "more being revealed"
But these are things I've experienced my whole life that just became more fine-tuned with RAH due (I expect) to being together for so many years. My intuition was always on high alert but my personal power was being drained by the relationship & I had to fight to get that back again.
I may get flak for this but in my view, it isn't healthy to be so detached from your emotions that living in close confines and being intimate with an active alcoholic doesn't provoke some level of visceral response.
That's very intriguing that you were able to intuit where the RAH was at in his process. Perhaps by developing personal power and boundaries we can use the intuition for good.
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