FireSprite

I agree - eventually I was suppressing my intuition because it conflicted with my codependency..... I didn't WANT to believe the gut-tugs so I chose not to & bought into his BS & lying instead. It put me at war with myself sometimes & was one of the 1st parts of Self that I worked on reclaiming in the aftermath. I couldn't believe that I had basically trusted his words over my intuition.

I always told him that when I finally had had "enough" it was the day that I realized that this relationship was eroding who I was as a person in ways that I was NOT ok with, that it was forcing a change in my Self in ways that I no longer could allow; I was becoming less of a person for staying.

I also agree with your point on detachment - it works great as a tool to give you distance & clarity but in the longterm it can deaden your emotions completely if you let it take over your entire way of interacting with others.

Interesting discussion!

KittenBoo

Ok, here is where I go to kukoville for some people, but I totally understand what you are saying here and here is what I did to 'break' this type of nonsense in my own life. Take or leave of course.

I asked Archangel Michael and Raphael to cut any cord(s) between me and this person and to heal me. I did it with no intention of harm for my AXB, but also didn't really give a damn what happened to him thereafter. (If you cut cords with Archangels, in white light, there is no repercussion on the astral body/plane, but yes, cord cutting is not something to undertake lightly. I've done it for years, so it's no big deal for me personally and it's helped free up loads of energy for my own use instead of having all my past hangers-on pull me down).

I cleansed, cleansed, cleansed and kept cleansing. Saged my house for days, not to keep getting him away, but to raise my own energy so far removed that I no longer thought of him anymore in any way that made me care at all. I didn't feel anything anymore- not hate, not love, not caring, not anything...just whatever- he exists as a human being and so be it.

I'm a Reiki Master so I did Reiki work on myself since I needed to heal.

Then I changed my phone number. That solved that issue.

And, you can block that person's emails on *****, you can block them on twitter, facebook, etc. So...they CAN, in fact, be removed from your life and thought, spirit body, and physically in every way.

Be done with him. Why do you want him in your life in any way? Psychic vampyrism is real and he will suck energy from you often since he is vibrating at a lower range and also, the drinking makes him a virtual black hole of 'need' and 'want'.

Get away, far away- raise your vibrations and change your phone#. You're better than this.

ThethreeCs

I completely agree Kittenboo. I have actually imagined "cutting" the cord and looked up ways to do that. I also have pictured the cord getting longer and stretched, and knowing it will break. I am very conscious that he comes to me for energy and a "fill up", like I am a fuel station and it is simple as just acknowledging him that transfers that energy.

I smudge myself and my house continually (sage, sweetgrass and tobacco). I have joined a drumming circle that has allowed me to journey and see things that have helped me move forward. My first experience left me in tears, and made me realize I will never be alone.

I am working on having absolutely no feelings towards him and minimizing thoughts about him to save my energy. It is so rewarding to put that positive energy towards other people in your life and towards healthy people, as it comes back tenfold.

I agree, with FireSprite as well, the one thing I said to my AXBF was I can no longer trust my gut if I stay with you and I can not lose this (he thought I was probably crazy that this was the last straw). I no longer trusted my instincts and intuition, and for this I have to leave, as it felt like losing myself.

If we can not rely on our intuition, what are we left with?

Since I have been on this spiritual path, I have found that my life is just working on its own, with little effort from me, and things are just lining up and I finally trust myself again. I m also able to focus all this energy on me, and healthy people which has reaped amazing rewards already.

My friend posted on my wall today "Increased synchronicity is an indication that a spiritual transformation is happening in you", and it couldn't be closer to the truth.

FireSprite

Kukoville? Pfffth!

Yes, I have read/heard about cord cutting. I didn't do anything as permanent, but I definitely build my defenses stronger once I got to a healthier place. Psychic vampirism, yes again! I had forgotten the term; I always referred to AH's energy drain as parasitic.

We cleanse our house/property regularly too - sage, sweetgrass. My 1st experience with being smudged was years ago & a truly incredible experience performed by a gifted person. I now bring my spirituality more front & center than I had before, DD is a total Nature Baby & loves participating in things like smudging. I'm attending a reiki circle tomorrow evening if all goes well in my schedule.

Acupuncture helped me tons too, on a more physical level at first but eventually emotional & spiritual as well. I was in ROUGH shape by the time I hit my bottom, she said my chi/personal energy was running at barely enough to perform my body's basic functions.

In fact, some of it has worked TOO well. When I finally put a stop to my energy being drained I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks time with no apparant reasons..... I'm STILL struggling to lose it & it's been over a year! I can't tell if it's just in response to my body not running so low on energy any longer or if it's more of an Inner Child reaction to being surprised my husband was an A & it triggering memories of childhood/AF. That's the ONLY other time in my life I have ever been overweight & unable to mange it.

"Increased synchronicity is an indication that a spiritual transformation is happening in you" I LOVE THIS! And yes, SO true! Once you change your vibration more positively you'll start to attract similar positive energy back, synchronicity indeed!

Shadydeal

Yep....it use to happen to me all the time w my XABF almost scary but in our case I think it is past tense! I have been no contact for sometime and he moved on. Sometimes it makes me sad but the fact is it's certainly a blessing!

JenT1968

well, I know as child in a very turbulent family I developed a hyper-vigilance and attend to the micro-signals and body language of those around me because as a child it was a survival mechanism.

I am not psychic, I don't have a connection with the people I am intuitive about (although clearly it is easier with people you know well because you can attend to their idiosyncratic "tells" rather than just generic ones). I score high on empathy and intuition in tests, unless it's a test based on actors becasue I attend to the unspoken and underlying emotions given away by micro-expressions and movement.

I am much less good with written words unless I know the person really well.
and unless I am with someone for a significant portion of time, I am much less good with the exact reasons for their feelings. Which is where danger lies, because in the absence of exact understanding I tend to apportion them to things I've done/said/not done/etc if I'm not keeping an eye on myself.

You know him well, you have studied him from within a relationship and you probably have calculated subconsiously his rhythms and patterns and cycles. Your subconcious may well start to calculate that given the way things were left last time, the things you know he does this time of year, aniversaries of events, and a million other small pieces of info that your concious brain can't be bothered with will start flagging that you're due a contact soon, this may set up a slight feeling of unease that you conciously can't put your finger on which builds until hey presto, he rings "out of the blue".

You know it will be him because he will have certain patterns of behaviour about times/days/trigger events for ringing - I know when my home phone rings who it will be - my mother doesn't ring at certain times/days, and ex rings at others, I can tell a cold-caller before pick up. It's all patterns that my subconcious has worked out.

call it a special connection or psychic if you want, but really stare hard at that and see if has a portion of wish-fulfillment to it. Even if you never want to see him again, do you want what you shared to be something out of the ordinary?

despite the fact that I am an atheist with a very down-to-earth approach to spiritual things, I find visualisations helpful, a cutting the cord visualisation and ritual, whether it works on a spiritual plane or in a purely organic "brain-training" way sounds a great idea -
and I used to refer to ex as an energy vampire as well, but that was because being in his sphere of chaos was so darn draining.

JenT1968

or perhaps we just keep making similar bad judgements because we haven't learned how not to - the universe doesn't light candles everywhere in my garden to teach moths not to fly into them, but if they don't learn from that initial mistake they will repeat the behaviour until they are burned right up.

People with substance abuse problems and unacceptable behaviour are not there to teach us a lesson, they are real people who lead their own lives, how much they are in our lives is up to us.