Patsy22

I feel guilty that I keep making posts which, although often I'm intending to try to help others, all seem to come back round to me. It's been nearly 2 months now and although I try I'm still grieving and I still need the help of everyone around me. I miss my XAP so badly and can't really accept that he can never come home. Very very sorry. P

SparkleKitty

Patsy, everyone here feels your pain and sympathizes with you. We are here to share our experience, strength, and hope. Your experience is just as valid as anyone's else. Please be gentle on yourself. You don't need reasons to make yourself feel worse right now, with all you've been through. It's okay to still hurt, to still grieve, and to still need help. You are not bound to any external timeline of recovery.

Please keep sharing and please don't give up on yourself.

Redheadsusie

One day at a time............... Hugs to you

Kassie2

Hi patsy,

Sorry for your loss. Glad you are here for support.

Everyone works through their grief in their own way. If this is how you find comfort then keep doing it.

Keep posting for your own needs as well, many can be supportive and have gone through the same.

dollydo

I lost two husbands to cancer, one after being married 17 years, the other 24 years. They are gone, neither would have wanted me to grieve them forever, or not to go on with my life... I would think that your XAP would also want you to move forward with your life.

Keep him close to your heart, but, continue to live. No matter how much I miss my husbands,.... they are not coming home to me.... ever again.

My father always said "Each day is a gift, live it to the fullest and treat it with gratitude."

I understand grief and feel your pain, been there way too many times, you will just have to be patient, and attempt to look forward, and treat each day as "gift".

Sending ongoing support your way.

LexieCat

No need to apologize--these things take time to work through. Try sticking your toes back into life, little by little, as you feel you can. It's OK to go slow.

And remember, too, that it's OK to feel better eventually. You aren't dishonoring his memory by returning to a happy life eventually. I'm sure he would not have wanted you to grieve him forever.

Hugs,

Patsy22

Not sure about the initials thing here, by XAP I mean he was an ex-alcoholic not an ex-partner. Thank you everyone, you are helping so much and because of the time difference I can post on here when I can't sleep and can't disturb my friends.
I really am trying to get on with my life and keep busy but the strangest things just set me back. I know it will take time and I will never forget him but I will get through it. Thank you.

Recovering2

2 months is no time at all. Be gentle with yourself, you are in the early stages of grieving for someone you loved and lost. Acceptance is way down the road in the stages of grieving. ((hugs))

Maylie

Although it might feel like you have been grieving forever, it is better to feel your emotions and go through the grieving process now. When my dad died I didn't want to deal with it and turned to drugs to cope, well guess what..six years later when I finally got sober I started the grieving process all over again. There is no way to avoid it, and the healthiest thing you can do is to process your emotions and do whatever works for you to get through it.

hugggsssss. I hope you can find some peace today. Remembering the good times always helps me when I start missing someone.

Patsy22

You are right, am concerned because my dad died when I was 16 and I didn't come to terms with it until my late 20s. Also worried as I am recovering from cancer which was diagnosed when AP was dying so I repressed that too and concerned this may bring it back. There were a lot of good times but probably more bad ones as he was drinking most of our relationship. The mind shuts out the bad times though and that's probably right as I want my memories to be good ones of him. Finding some books on grieving and bereavement on my kindle which are helping. Hugs back.

skella99

No need to apologize. I have not really posted much, but I am still learning so much from reading other's stories and it is helping me learn to deal and understand my AD.

Florence

Don't! One of the most helpful things for me was reading other people's stories, how they handled situations, identifying with how they felt, realizing I wasn't alone. I find that when I comment here, I can only speak from my own experience. Also? I've found that it's not the advice from others that comforts me, but the communion.

Keep sharing. Work through this stuff.

Patsy22

Thank you for the last two posts. I agree that when you feel isolated it is really helpful to hear that others have faced the same issues and situations. I found it particularly helpful in my case that when my AP died, the awful way his family behaved was actually quite common and didn't necessarily reflect on me.