Hope...

Old 02-26-2013, 12:49 PM
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Hope...

Hello All,

After two months of being no contact, and nine months of finally being out of the relationship, I am getting back to normal. My day is full of work, hobbies, friends and when a thought of my axbf comes to my mind, I am aware of it and let it pass. Mind you, I still get at least one thought an hour...but it used to be every minute. I still have days of anixety, and worry. Especially when people say they have seen him, or I fear running into each other (we live and work next door to each other). I have little ambition to look him up on Facebook, or find out how his new gf is doing. I have finally learned how to focus on myself, which was such a foreign concept for many years.

But, there is still a light that signals hope, that he will stop drinking and choose recovery. I have known him for 7+ years, and deep in my heart, I know that it is very unlikely that he will. But, I still have hope. My question is, how do you move on, focus on your recovery, learn to be in a healthy relationship, start dating, and stop hoping they will change and come back. In my heart, I know we were not meant to be together, but I still have hope. Regardless of the drinking, why would I have hope someone would return when I know it was never meant to be?

Maybe there are other parts of my brain that are broken, that I should take a look at.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:57 PM
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as someone who is married to an alcoholic, my advice to you is to just focus on you. don't worry about the next relationship. enjoy being single and free. free to do whatever you want. be happy you don't have someone breathing down your neck wondering why it took you so long at the grocery store or what that strange number on your cell phone is. and keep in mind that his new gf will likely experience all the anxiety that you did, but you are now free of it and it is her problem. some of us can't give our problem away so easily
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ThethreeCs View Post
But, there is still a light that signals hope, that he will stop drinking and choose recovery. I have known him for 7+ years, and deep in my heart, I know that it is very unlikely that he will. But, I still have hope.
ThreeC's, great to hear you are working on moving forward with your life. I don't think its unusual to have residual issues crop up, even after almost a year. However, the sentence above, and the highlighted part, caught my eye. I think you already know the answer to the question you are asking. And the answer is deep in your heart! Time to let go of hope, which really, ends up being only a fantasy.

Peace,
~T
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