Accepting Imperfection
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Accepting Imperfection
Monday, February 25, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Imperfection
"Why do I do this to myself?" asked a woman who wanted to lose weight. "I went to my support group feeling so guilty and ashamed because I ate half a cookie that wasn't on the diet. I found out that everyone cheats a little, and some people cheat a lot. I felt so ashamed before I came to the group, as though I were the only one not doing my diet perfectly. Now I know that I'm dieting as well as most, and better than some."
Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm not talking strictly about dieting, I'm talking about life. Why do we punish ourselves by thinking that we're inferior while believing that others are perfect - whether in relationships, recovery, or a specific task?
Whether we're judging others or ourselves it's two sides of the same coin: perfection. Neither expectation is valid.
It is far more accurate and beneficial to tell ourselves that who we are is okay and what we are doing is good enough. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes that need correcting; doesn't mean we won't get off track from time to time; doesn't mean we can't improve. It means with all our mistakes and wandering, we're basically on course. Encouraging and approving of ourselves is how we help ourselves stay on track.
Today, I will love and encourage myself. I will tell myself that what I'm doing is good enough, and I'll let myself enjoy that feeling.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Imperfection
"Why do I do this to myself?" asked a woman who wanted to lose weight. "I went to my support group feeling so guilty and ashamed because I ate half a cookie that wasn't on the diet. I found out that everyone cheats a little, and some people cheat a lot. I felt so ashamed before I came to the group, as though I were the only one not doing my diet perfectly. Now I know that I'm dieting as well as most, and better than some."
Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm not talking strictly about dieting, I'm talking about life. Why do we punish ourselves by thinking that we're inferior while believing that others are perfect - whether in relationships, recovery, or a specific task?
Whether we're judging others or ourselves it's two sides of the same coin: perfection. Neither expectation is valid.
It is far more accurate and beneficial to tell ourselves that who we are is okay and what we are doing is good enough. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes that need correcting; doesn't mean we won't get off track from time to time; doesn't mean we can't improve. It means with all our mistakes and wandering, we're basically on course. Encouraging and approving of ourselves is how we help ourselves stay on track.
Today, I will love and encourage myself. I will tell myself that what I'm doing is good enough, and I'll let myself enjoy that feeling.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I've been forced to revisit the I'm OK exactly as I AM thing the past few months. trying to be delicate here but I am now 52, I am still pre-menopausal altho just had a 4 month "pause" only to get the privilege of an 8 day make-up period. I am not in control of this stuff, I have NO choice but to just accept whatever it is my body does. i was so worried when things stopped that i (hank doesn't know this so shhhhh) went and got a pregnancy test!? ( at 52??)
i'd just had a surge in weight gain for no apparent reason. I didn't bust into a krispy kreme and devour 24 donuts. I've been trying to watch my diet, tweek my diet to better match this "new nobody asked my permission" normal. it's frustrating beyond belief that my body is so out of control right now and taking multi vitamins and making sure I move each day, reducing carbs, drinking tons of water, NONE Of it is working right now!!!
ack.
but....as sponsor bob told me back in '87:
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
yup. this is me, now today. i don't get the choice to leap into another body. there is no magic wand that goes *poof* and everything is better. for this or anything else. stuff happens and we get to deal. i will not wake up tomorrow super model fabulous. but god wiling i will WAKE UP. and get another day. in this body. i won't be rich....or famous....or doing the death stomp on the runway, but i will be alive. and the entire universe, every possibility in life will be waiting for me.
i'd just had a surge in weight gain for no apparent reason. I didn't bust into a krispy kreme and devour 24 donuts. I've been trying to watch my diet, tweek my diet to better match this "new nobody asked my permission" normal. it's frustrating beyond belief that my body is so out of control right now and taking multi vitamins and making sure I move each day, reducing carbs, drinking tons of water, NONE Of it is working right now!!!
ack.
but....as sponsor bob told me back in '87:
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
yup. this is me, now today. i don't get the choice to leap into another body. there is no magic wand that goes *poof* and everything is better. for this or anything else. stuff happens and we get to deal. i will not wake up tomorrow super model fabulous. but god wiling i will WAKE UP. and get another day. in this body. i won't be rich....or famous....or doing the death stomp on the runway, but i will be alive. and the entire universe, every possibility in life will be waiting for me.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
oh sister YOU ROCK, can i borrow that?
I moved into my new house about 2 years ago. Got friendly with the guy next door, he's about 85 yrs old. He kept telling me that.
It is what it is,
but it becomes what you make it.
Old Irish guy that is a RA for over 30 years. He bought me that plague to put on my wall. (lol)
Don't know the author.
So of course you can have it.
Thing is, when you think about that saying, yes, everything "is what it is",
and it is up to you "to make it become what you want".
I do try to live my life that way now.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Now back to OP.
I was a perfectionist. Actually my daughter just told me that the reason she married was so that she could have a life as perfect as I did.
Wow, was I good at lying.
Yes, my house was perfect, my kids were perfect, I had no dust in my house, everything was in the place where they were supposed to be.
I was living a life of hell.
Just wanted everyone to see that everything in my life was perfect.
What a lie
I was dying inside
the life was being sucked right out of me
Now i am divorced, and my house is not perfect, my towels are not perfect, my cans are not arranged alphabetically, and I now feel at peace. I am no longer living my life as in "sleeping with the enemy", no longer constantly looking for approval. (If someone doesn't like me, then that is ok), don't need to proove myself to anyone anymore. It took a lot of work to get there.
I was a perfectionist. Actually my daughter just told me that the reason she married was so that she could have a life as perfect as I did.
Wow, was I good at lying.
Yes, my house was perfect, my kids were perfect, I had no dust in my house, everything was in the place where they were supposed to be.
I was living a life of hell.
Just wanted everyone to see that everything in my life was perfect.
What a lie
I was dying inside
the life was being sucked right out of me
Now i am divorced, and my house is not perfect, my towels are not perfect, my cans are not arranged alphabetically, and I now feel at peace. I am no longer living my life as in "sleeping with the enemy", no longer constantly looking for approval. (If someone doesn't like me, then that is ok), don't need to proove myself to anyone anymore. It took a lot of work to get there.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Thanks for the laugh tonight. Anvil - I had a late period a few months back...went off birth control after the divorce so I've been all screwed up. I had a few fleeting thoughts that maybe I am pregnant, until I remembered I haven't had sex, at least not with anyone else, in many months!!! Oh, hormones!
Perfection - one of my personality "limitations". But I find the older I get, the less I care about what others think. Because at the end of the day, its me I face in the mirror, and my HP I have to answer to. Plus, I have lived long enough to know other people's perfection is often just a facade, as Amy describes above.
Letting go of the need to be perfect allows me to enjoy putting the fun in dysfunction. AT least I have lots to laugh about, right?!!! Like thinking "can I possibly be pregnant, at my age, without having sex?!!!"
Perfection - one of my personality "limitations". But I find the older I get, the less I care about what others think. Because at the end of the day, its me I face in the mirror, and my HP I have to answer to. Plus, I have lived long enough to know other people's perfection is often just a facade, as Amy describes above.
Letting go of the need to be perfect allows me to enjoy putting the fun in dysfunction. AT least I have lots to laugh about, right?!!! Like thinking "can I possibly be pregnant, at my age, without having sex?!!!"
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Tuff and Anvil you guys are killin' me. Yeah, I will be 54 on Saturday. I remember a few years back I started wondering where the heck my waist went and what was the stuff on the back of my legs. I was a gym lunatic so it seemed impossible that all this was happening--and you are right. You can only do so much. I will admit my going to the gym was not for the effect of a perfect body but to keep my body from falling apart as one of my knees and neck are a mess. But still, everyone thought I was 15 years younger than I was. HA! Those days are over.
Oh, and don't forget that suddenly your shoes are too tight because your feet grow. But I guess that is a good excuse to go get new shoes
But here--hooping, surrounded by 20 year olds in skimpy clothing. Thank goodness I'm a meditative hooper so I hoop blind and so does everyone else.
choublak that helps me not compare my "backstage" to everyone else's "stage performance"! So many hoopers video tape themselves-nope, I'll just assume I look good
Oh, and don't forget that suddenly your shoes are too tight because your feet grow. But I guess that is a good excuse to go get new shoes
But here--hooping, surrounded by 20 year olds in skimpy clothing. Thank goodness I'm a meditative hooper so I hoop blind and so does everyone else.
choublak that helps me not compare my "backstage" to everyone else's "stage performance"! So many hoopers video tape themselves-nope, I'll just assume I look good
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Love this thread...thanks to everyone for sharing. I had my last regular period at 43, and became offically menopausal at 44. I'm 46 now and wondering where my waist went.
I love this Amy, "It is what is it is, but it becomes what you make it." I too recently moved and have a neighbour I've got close to...he just turned 90.
One of my favourite pearls of wisdom came from a colleague's husband. During a particularly difficult time at work, he said to me... "Just remember kid, the pay's the same whether you're fighting or marching." That has stuck with me and served me well.
Good Roads,
Chick
I love this Amy, "It is what is it is, but it becomes what you make it." I too recently moved and have a neighbour I've got close to...he just turned 90.
One of my favourite pearls of wisdom came from a colleague's husband. During a particularly difficult time at work, he said to me... "Just remember kid, the pay's the same whether you're fighting or marching." That has stuck with me and served me well.
Good Roads,
Chick
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
HOOPNINJA! dang what a nice surprise!
what waist? seriously what the heck happened? good grief. no wonder they call it MIDDLE age.
right now at work it is CRAZY busy, I mean seriously insane. so there I was in our copy/supply room making 3 photocopies of one of the big grant proposal i'm working on (due date March 5th, no worries!? has two levels of grants review and then must be submitted electronically to the NIH, which has it's own review process). so i'm standing there waiting on the copy machine and found myself organizing and arranging the tape dispensers, staplers, pen cups, post it notes on the central work island. rearranged them....TWICE.
I became aware of what I was doing....my head was way somewhere else but I came back to my body and say WHOA....little ADD stuff going on there? sudden NEED to put ORDER to my surroundings...ie CONTROL that which I could control when so much stuff is OUT of my control right now? I am trying to produce multimilions of dollars worth of cancer research grants that will help fund us for the next five years - yet Friday the fed govt is likely to go into sequestration, the fear of which already assures that NEITHER grant will get funded. not right away. but it's like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play, so we HAVE to get these grants done on time, as perfect as possible (hundreds of pages) and delivered ON TIME. and there I am, making sure the stapler is at a perfect north-south alignment. and the stack of post it notes isn't all kitty wampus.
what waist? seriously what the heck happened? good grief. no wonder they call it MIDDLE age.
right now at work it is CRAZY busy, I mean seriously insane. so there I was in our copy/supply room making 3 photocopies of one of the big grant proposal i'm working on (due date March 5th, no worries!? has two levels of grants review and then must be submitted electronically to the NIH, which has it's own review process). so i'm standing there waiting on the copy machine and found myself organizing and arranging the tape dispensers, staplers, pen cups, post it notes on the central work island. rearranged them....TWICE.
I became aware of what I was doing....my head was way somewhere else but I came back to my body and say WHOA....little ADD stuff going on there? sudden NEED to put ORDER to my surroundings...ie CONTROL that which I could control when so much stuff is OUT of my control right now? I am trying to produce multimilions of dollars worth of cancer research grants that will help fund us for the next five years - yet Friday the fed govt is likely to go into sequestration, the fear of which already assures that NEITHER grant will get funded. not right away. but it's like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play, so we HAVE to get these grants done on time, as perfect as possible (hundreds of pages) and delivered ON TIME. and there I am, making sure the stapler is at a perfect north-south alignment. and the stack of post it notes isn't all kitty wampus.
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