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Meeting with a lawyer on Monday: scared

Old 02-22-2013, 01:27 PM
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Meeting with a lawyer on Monday: scared

I don't know why fear is gripping me this week. AH has been fine, but snarky at times and I'm finding myself more and more agitated by what I see as disrespectful attitudes and comments from him.

I am doing a consultation with a lawyer to find out my legal rights and how to protect myself from AH and his driving issues(driving out of state on a suspended license and at times, having been drinking). Also, I want to research a legal separation vs divorce in our state and find out how it differs and which option is best for me at this point. AH and I are drifting further and further apart, mostly because I'm tired of the passive aggressive crap and I'm not engaging anymore. If he speaks to me in a normal manner and wants to discuss life, I'm all ears. But, the minute he makes a snide comment, I'm done and I leave the room. Doesn't make for much communication, but that's OK.

He's angry at my mom and her husband right now because they didn't offer condolences about his mother's death to him while they were visiting. He complained to me about it and I basically bailed out of the conversation and left it in his hands. I am FINALLY learning that I don't need to be responsible for other people's relationships and that I don't have to defend the world to him, let alone defending my family. They are who they are, if he doesn't like it, tough. I can't change them anymore than I can change him.

Sooo, I could use some supportive words of advice and encouragement. It took a LOT for me to get to this point where I made that call. I don't know why this has been so hard for me, but I know it's the beginning of a hard road to a happy ending. Thanks for reading!
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:52 PM
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Look at your meeting as a fact finding mission, there really is to nothing fear, you are only attempting to make an informed decision. The attorney will interpet the law for you, you will make the business decisions pertaining to your life and in 99% of the cases that will not be done on the spot. Family Law Attorneys understand all the emotions that you are going thru, so they are not anticipating an instant response, nor do they want one

It will be fine, state the facts as you see them, have an overview of your financial situation, ask any questions that you may have...and....relax.
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:30 PM
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Hey lizatola,

I think you are doing a fantastic job taking care of yourself and your life.
Great job on detaching from him and his passive aggressive foolishness.
You have come a long way lizatola, give yourself some credit (or some other treat).



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Old 02-22-2013, 02:31 PM
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Wish you luck.
Take good notes.
Date them.
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Old 02-22-2013, 02:36 PM
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I hear you, Liz. I understand. These moments are, at the same time, kind of inevitable and still kind of shocking. It is how life has been for so many years, it is known, it is safe in its uncomfortableness, secure in its limits. Yet it doesn't fit, it can't go on, it won't go on. You are different, it is crumbling, it is all of these at once.

The phrase "crossing the Rubicon" came to my mind, so I googled it:

The idiom "Crossing the Rubicon" means to pass a point of no return, and refers to Julius Caesar's army's crossing of the river in 49 BC, which was considered an act of insurrection... The river is perhaps most known as the place where Julius Caesar uttered the famous phrase "alea iacta est" - the die is cast.

Having crossed that place myself last July 4th when I left my STBXAH never to go back, it is better on the other side.

You have done an enormous amount of emotional work to get here, and you deserve to be very proud of yourself. In a profound way, I think that the rubicon that we cross is moving from self deception into stark honesty.

Whatever your decisions turn out to be, crossing that particular Rubicon transforms the rest of our lives for the better. My thoughts, prayers, and hugs will be with you.

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Old 02-22-2013, 04:21 PM
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Liz,
Wow. This is a big step. Good for you for educating yourself and exploring your options. I know that it is scary to make that call. I was 100% sure I wanted out and it was hard when I made that call. It's just a consult.....a fact finding mission as stated earlier. Goodu
Luck. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:14 PM
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Don't fear just get info.
I've visited a lawyer on several occasions just for info & never taken it further. Sometimes I did.
It's great to know what you can & can't do.
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Old 02-23-2013, 04:36 AM
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Congrats on taking this step! You are simply getting an education - what you choose to do with it is completely up to you.

(((hugs))) and its wonderful to hear you are taking care of yourself FIRST.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:09 AM
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I'm meeting with an Al Anon friend on Sunday so she can help me come up with questions for the lawyer. I really don't want to miss something especially when I'm paying for his time. I still kinda feel bad as AH seems more humble lately but his actions are what they are, and I need to protect myself. I should have done this a year ago.
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Old 02-25-2013, 09:44 AM
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just now reading this ~

saying prayers and sending out good thoughts for your HP's very best for you today ~ may you have a clear mind as you ask the questions, a steady voice and a firm sense of purpose as you decide the path for you and your son

special pink hugs of strength & courage ~
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by MsPINKAcres View Post
just now reading this ~

saying prayers and sending out good thoughts for your HP's very best for you today ~ may you have a clear mind as you ask the questions, a steady voice and a firm sense of purpose as you decide the path for you and your son

special pink hugs of strength & courage ~
Thank you Ms Pink. I am meeting in an hour and am working on my questions and story for him right now. I want to make it short so that I am not paying for my own time, LOL.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:17 PM
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Well, how did it go??
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