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2 YEARS LATER...I Now Understand....

Old 02-20-2013, 11:41 PM
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2 YEARS LATER...I Now Understand....

2 Year's Single - Divorced from a XAH

I now understand, that I did not cause it
and I cant control it. (tried like heck though)

I now understand, that Im truly worth more to ever live like that again.

I now understand, that it's his problem, not mine

I now understand, just because he got sober, doesnt mean that his
behavior {manipulation, mental abuse, poor me attitude, laziness, bad hygiene, lies, etc} changes for the better. It mean's that I've done my work on myself and can now see that he has laid down the bottle but is too lazy to work on himself. Im worth more than that and I wish him the best of luck! I no longer have the time in my life, for his "poor me" stories! It's his choice to live in misery. It's my choice, to let go and let god take care of me!

I now understand, how crazy I once was, for believing all of his stories
and the one's I thought were true in my head....I'm no longer in the changing
business.

I now understand, that everyone need's love & compassion to get thru the
sticky mess of alcoholism. Not every story is the same, but deep down, the crazy way that we think and the pain that goes with it, is identical. I've learned to reach out and help other's, because 2 year's ago, I had no one and didnt know where to turn. I had those day's were I wished I would go to sleep and either wake up and all of it would be better or I would go to sleep and never wake up again. Living with alcoholism can put a person in the "dark"
If I can share a kind word or lend a listening ear to someone that feels like I once did, I have given back

I now understand, that I have "triggers" "red flags" "boundaries" and those are like taking 3 daily vitamins to keep me healthy, no matter what type of relationship that I encounter on a daily basis I must continue working my steps and eating my daily vitamins..I never want to get that sick again!
I have to eat "honesty" 24/7 and somedays it sucks to be honest with myself because I still have days, where the memories can still hurt.

I now understand, how thankful I am, to be out of my marriage alive and to have SR at my fingers tips, day or night, and the many friends that have stuck with me over the past 2 years. {You know who you are- THANK YOU}

I now understand, that it was MY choice to change & to work on ME.

HAPPY SINGLE ANNIVERSARY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
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Old 02-21-2013, 04:26 AM
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A huge congrats to you! You seem to be in a great place these days, hopefully one day I'll be joining you're ranks. I'm in the same situation with my RAW, but the recovery part is making life more difficult than the drinking part sometimes.

Now that you've been through the school of hard knocks, don't ever settle for less than you deserve. Go on with your life, and make every day count. I'm sure good things are coming your way.
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Old 02-21-2013, 06:13 AM
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Hi, Bobby! Glad to hear things are going well for you.
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:29 AM
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that was beautiful Bobby, thank you!
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Old 02-21-2013, 07:58 AM
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I'm happy Bobby that you're doing so well knowing it can be a long road to recovery. My 2 yr. divorce anniversary will be this August and I know I have a ways to go before all the craziness is gone from my life, but I can go to sleep at night in a quiet house and come home at night knowing what I'll find, no chaos whirling around me and for so many wonderful people who have come along side of me during all of this I am sooo thankful as well.

Take good care of yourself!
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Old 02-21-2013, 09:18 AM
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It was two years ago in January when I moved out and said "enough - something HAS to change". And boy, a lot has changed. And for the BETTER!

BobbyJ, I am glad you posted this today - we've walked through the two years together and its so nice to take a moment to look back and reflect on where we've come. I can see myself of two years ago in newcomers today, and I want to just reach out and hug everyone and tell them it will be ok, if you want it to be. All that fear was for naught. Faith in something, anything, can carry one through some of the worst pain imaginable. Thanks for saying it all so succinctly above.

As always,

~T
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:22 AM
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Wonderful to hear of someone on the other side and doing well! Congrats and Hugs! You deserve it!
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