my wife is hiding and lying about alcohol
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 585
Originally Posted by dandylion 
HELP!! I have been trying to send you a private message--3 trys--but, for some reason it isn't going through??cecelia---did you get a private message?
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 25
Hello SadSpouse and Welcome. .
I can only offer you some comfort that there are others, like me, that know what you are feeling. My wife is an active AH. It is tough to see the one you love and are committed to protect cause so much destruction.
For me, my home has arguement drama similar to what you descibe. It was an enlightening moment when I learned that this was typical within a relationship to an AH. This knowledged helped lighten my load and ease some of the pain.
There is some great advice within in the site. Please keep reading.
I wish you the very best.
PS
I can only offer you some comfort that there are others, like me, that know what you are feeling. My wife is an active AH. It is tough to see the one you love and are committed to protect cause so much destruction.
For me, my home has arguement drama similar to what you descibe. It was an enlightening moment when I learned that this was typical within a relationship to an AH. This knowledged helped lighten my load and ease some of the pain.
There is some great advice within in the site. Please keep reading.
I wish you the very best.
PS
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Alcoholism is a disease of denial - it will always be like that for her until (or if) she makes the decision to get help. Step 1 in AA being the admission that you are "powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable". Until this moment alcoholics think THEY have the power, its their choice to drink. As long as they think they can control it there is no stopping it I am sorry to say.
Many times the denial is seen as "blame-shifting" to the partner as an excuse - "I have to hide my alcohol because husband is trying to control me, but I don't have a problem - I just don't want to hear his s**t". One of the most ridiculous things I hear my RAH say during his relapse last year was that there were "studies" that prove that Alcoholics after being sober for 5 years can and do become social drinkers again. He was unable to produce these studies because AA is so powerful they were able to keep them hidden. I said "if AA can keep them hidden then how did you see them in the first place"? response: pause, pause, pause, stare at the ceiling, look around, get up and pet the cat, silence. Eventually his response was that "he didn't want to discuss it will me anymore because I am closed minded and always have to be right and he can no longer have a discussion with me because I have already made up mind and am not willing to give him the opportunity to share with me this information that he knows and does know how to get his hands on but there is no point in showing it to me because I already know everything".
Denial, denial, denial.
Many times the denial is seen as "blame-shifting" to the partner as an excuse - "I have to hide my alcohol because husband is trying to control me, but I don't have a problem - I just don't want to hear his s**t". One of the most ridiculous things I hear my RAH say during his relapse last year was that there were "studies" that prove that Alcoholics after being sober for 5 years can and do become social drinkers again. He was unable to produce these studies because AA is so powerful they were able to keep them hidden. I said "if AA can keep them hidden then how did you see them in the first place"? response: pause, pause, pause, stare at the ceiling, look around, get up and pet the cat, silence. Eventually his response was that "he didn't want to discuss it will me anymore because I am closed minded and always have to be right and he can no longer have a discussion with me because I have already made up mind and am not willing to give him the opportunity to share with me this information that he knows and does know how to get his hands on but there is no point in showing it to me because I already know everything".
Denial, denial, denial.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Addiction is basically insanity. Its useless to argue with an insane person and expect a rational, truthful answer. I am learning slowly but surely that Until they hit bottom we just have to detach ourselves and wait to allow them the necessary pain of hitting bottom while keeping the rest of the family safe, as much as possible. For me its now been 3 years of my son slowly destroy himself with a marijuana addiction. I feel he is now getting closer to his bottom as these last few months I have slowly realized that the help we were providing is actually preventing him from hitting his bottom.
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