snowfall

Lots of people on this site still seem to be with their other halves trying to battle the disease and help them though it. Is there anyone who is divorced from an ex who is jobless, penniless, verging on homelessness with serious health issues and no signs of giving up drinking? My ex had a successful career, we had a lovely house, a family, great friends and once he got arrested for being drunk looking after our son in a park, everything changed. It was like a pack of cards had been thrown up in the air and landed with the worst possible outcome. Two years since our divorce I am trying to move on with my life but its very dificult bringing up a 3 year old on my own and also have a full time job. People try to sympathise with my situation but i end up feeling like a charity case amongst those people whose lives have not been affected by alcoholism.

SparkleKitty

There are a lot of people in Al-Anon who have been through similar situations. Perhaps going to a face-to-face meeting will help you feel less isolated or alone?

Even though you are out of your marriage, it doesn't mean your life isn't still dramatically affected by your ex's alcoholism. Be gentle of judging yourself for how long it takes you to move on. It is terrible to watch people you care about hurt themselves, and that can stay with you a long time. Whatever the outcomes of their individual situations, everyone in Al-Anon will have that in common with you.

dollydo

I have heard the same story over and over again, both on this board and in meetings. It is a sad reality of the disease.

LifeRecovery

I am two years out from my divorce. I do not have children. I do work more than full time to make sure ends meet, and that I have enough money to keep a roof over my head and to also pay for therapy which has save my butt in all of this. I can't imagine the juggling that this in addition to a small child. Single parents are amazing to me.

I am not in touch with my loved one that got me here, but I am far from over it.

They say it takes two to five years to heal from an affair (that was also part of my relationship). I have been using that as my starting point for healing time and it has really normalized time for me.

Al-Anon has also been a big part of my recovery....and that is cheap too. Reading books (especially library books on addiction) has helped.

The support from all of us who have lived with this disease has been really helpful for me...instead of feeling isolated around it I get to feel part of a group and normalized.

snowfall

Its great to make contact with people who understand. I feel like the black sheep of my family having been through this. There's a certain sordidness about alcoholism (the lack of self respect, the squalor, the isolation, the stigma) which makes it a very alienating experience for anyone who has been affected by someone else's drinking. I am going to an al anon meeting on wednesday. I have never been before but i feel i need to go to be around people who have some insight into how i might be feeling.

outonalimb

I am so glad to hear that you are going to al anon. It literally saved my life.
Alcoholism crosses all economic, social, religious, and racial boundaries.
I find it very hard to believe that there are any families out there that aren't affected by the disease of addiction in one way or another (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc). It's common for families of alcoholics to feel shame and isolation and that's why its so important to seek out the support and companionship of people who understand what you're going thru. Al anon is be the best and most loving thing you can do for yourself right now. You're a smart cookie to be going!!

dollydo

You have nothing to be ashamed of, we all make mistakes.

I was born into an alcoholic home, my mother is an abusive alcoholic. My childhood with her was pure h#ll, I would not wish that on any child, I still bear the scares today.

Being a child of an alcoholic, I believe that I inherited the predisposition to becoming one myself or marrying one, there has been much written on this predisposition. I am not an alcoholic, but I did marry two.

Go to those meetings, they will help you to more clearly understand this baffling disease that has tenacles that adversely affect all that they come into contact with.

Keep posting, we are here for you.