craftyreader

Last November/December, my husband went to outpatient treatment and he finished it at the end of January. He found a group to go to for ongoing support, but they only met once a month (he didn't want to do AA). He relapsed last weekend, and I didn't deal with it well at all. I lost my temper & shouted. I new relapsing was going to happen, but I just sort of thought it wouldn't. He was doing good. I know, I know, I need a reality check.

So, he didn't drink during last week, and then he did again today. I don't know what to do next. He keeps saying he's sorry, and he wants to stop, and get help but he doesn't seem to actually want to. He says he called a treatment center to get in again, but they don't have an opening for a couple of weeks; but now I feel like I can't trust him and I need to call them to doublecheck.

Pamel

Trust is fragile and addiction is very strong. I am only finally understanding myself (after lots of sober time but also many relapses) that battles may be won but the war goes on until you die. All I can do is try to arm myself for the next craving, temptation.

Al-anon may be of some help for you, and my heart feels your pain.

Trying to regain trust myself with my husband after a relapse.

dollydo

Checking, double checking and rechecking are not going to change a thing. He will either stop drinking and seek long term recovery or not.

Have you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, if not, I would suggest that you do. I would also read the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs.

His recovery is all up to him, all you can do is work on you.

Recovering2

If he was serious, he could go to AA today. His choices with respect to recovery or relapse are his....and his alone. All you can do is work on your own path, go to AlAnon and learn to detach.

bless5

It's his actions that matter. Words mean nothing. AA is always available until he can go into treatment. Otherwise, he's just quacking...

EnglishGarden

"He doesn't seem to actually want to."

He does not want to....no "seem" about it.

Let him drink like a fish for the next couple of weeks and stay out of his way while he does. Pass him the bottle if he can't reach it.

If he is not in treatment when that rehab spot opens up, then out he goes. He's out of the house. Looking for a sublet where he can continue his addiction until he actually wants to quit.

There is no reason in the world you should be riding this crazy train with him. He drinks, out he goes.

His alcoholic life is a soft one and he knows it. He will keep you on that marionette string for years unless you get a grip and kick him out the moment he is back at it.

Don't wait long to draw a line in the sand about the kind of home you want to live in. You have a right to a home that is healthy, sane, and safe. If he isn't keeping his part of that agreement, out he goes.

That is my suggestion.