Forgiving Yourself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Forgiving Yourself
How do you forgive yourself for the wrong things you have done as a codependent? I allowed AH to compromise all my morals and I am so ashamed of the person I became, the desperate acts I made to keep my family together. Now that AH has abandoned me, its an extra slap in the face because I allowed myself to become someone else to try and keep our family together at all costs. I have so much anger toward myself and toward him...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi there,
Again, I would suggest Al-Anon. Al-Anon's 12 Steps work the same way AA's do--in your Fourth Step you do a "searching and fearless" moral inventory. In Step 5 you admit your wrongs to yourself, to God, and to another human being (usually your sponsor). It is private and the goal is to get the garbage out in the open where it can be acknowledged and dealt with. Step 6 you become entirely ready to have your Higher Power remove those shortcomings, Step 7 you humbly ask to have them removed. In Step 8 you make the list of people you have harmed and become willing to make amends for those wrongs, and in Step 9 you start making those amends, again with the guidance and help of your sponsor.
That's where self-forgiveness comes in. You've acknowledged what you did, done your best to make it right, and that is all God or anyone expects of us. You can go forward without the burdens of the past weighing you down.
Every one of us, alcoholics, partners, people who have never had to deal with alcoholism, we have ALL made mistakes and hurt others in our lives. All we can do is do our best to acknowledge it, try to make it right, and go forward in a better way.
Hugs,
Again, I would suggest Al-Anon. Al-Anon's 12 Steps work the same way AA's do--in your Fourth Step you do a "searching and fearless" moral inventory. In Step 5 you admit your wrongs to yourself, to God, and to another human being (usually your sponsor). It is private and the goal is to get the garbage out in the open where it can be acknowledged and dealt with. Step 6 you become entirely ready to have your Higher Power remove those shortcomings, Step 7 you humbly ask to have them removed. In Step 8 you make the list of people you have harmed and become willing to make amends for those wrongs, and in Step 9 you start making those amends, again with the guidance and help of your sponsor.
That's where self-forgiveness comes in. You've acknowledged what you did, done your best to make it right, and that is all God or anyone expects of us. You can go forward without the burdens of the past weighing you down.
Every one of us, alcoholics, partners, people who have never had to deal with alcoholism, we have ALL made mistakes and hurt others in our lives. All we can do is do our best to acknowledge it, try to make it right, and go forward in a better way.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: saskatoon, sk
Posts: 6
Ugh, I know how you feel. I have sacrificed everything to try helping abf and keep him around for my eon's benefit. I now realize that it is easier to be a single mom with a son then try to parent a child-spouse.
I feel like the guilt, embarressment and isolation will haunt me forever. Some posts on here made me realize that it will get better with time.
In a way I don't want to forget dealing with abf so in the future I do not make the same mistakes. I have loved someone with tons of baggage. Eventuay someone will love me even if I have the baggage.
I feel like the guilt, embarressment and isolation will haunt me forever. Some posts on here made me realize that it will get better with time.
In a way I don't want to forget dealing with abf so in the future I do not make the same mistakes. I have loved someone with tons of baggage. Eventuay someone will love me even if I have the baggage.
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