When your AH/AW is active duty military...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 87
When your AH/AW is active duty military...
Hi there,
A friend is considering leaving her AH who is active duty Army. She has no family in the state she is in, so she is looking to move ASAP. Her first goal is to get out of the house, then out of the state (this is not as much because she wants to be away from him as it is because she needs the support, childcare, etc. that her family can provide). Has anyone else done this with a spouse who was serving? Did you come across any valuable resources or tips?
Thank you in advance!
A friend is considering leaving her AH who is active duty Army. She has no family in the state she is in, so she is looking to move ASAP. Her first goal is to get out of the house, then out of the state (this is not as much because she wants to be away from him as it is because she needs the support, childcare, etc. that her family can provide). Has anyone else done this with a spouse who was serving? Did you come across any valuable resources or tips?
Thank you in advance!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't see that it would be any different from any other separation/divorce. There might be issues with respect to his benefits. She would probably be wise to consult a lawyer who is familiar with what rights to those benefits she and the children would have under a legal separation or divorce.
The other issue is always the question of relocating the children away from the other parent. The law on that varies from one jurisdiction to the next, but it isn't governed by military law. I believe that in most states the parent who wants to relocate with the children must show that the move is being made in good faith for good reasons (and to be near the family for support and childcare would usually be considered a good reason), and also that the children won't suffer from being far away from the noncustodial parent.
Basically, she needs to talk to a lawyer.
The other issue is always the question of relocating the children away from the other parent. The law on that varies from one jurisdiction to the next, but it isn't governed by military law. I believe that in most states the parent who wants to relocate with the children must show that the move is being made in good faith for good reasons (and to be near the family for support and childcare would usually be considered a good reason), and also that the children won't suffer from being far away from the noncustodial parent.
Basically, she needs to talk to a lawyer.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
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As ex-military I would strongly recommend talking to the Chaplin. He can direct her to all the services provided by the military for these types of things and help her navigate the whole process including legal support. In addition the military takes things like alcoholism and drug issues very seriously and may be able to provide recovery support for her husband as well.
Your friend,
Your friend,
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Boopville
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by choublak 
Really. How seriously?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 87
I know he has done outpatient treatment briefly a couple of times, and they told him he needs inpatient and he wouldn't do it. The Army has looked the other way multiple times in this situation, so I don't think she wants to rely on his command.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Boopville
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Originally Posted by FifiRhubarb
I know he has done outpatient treatment briefly a couple of times, and they told him he needs inpatient and he wouldn't do it. The Army has looked the other way multiple times in this situation, so I don't think she wants to rely on his command.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 87
Yes, she went to a shelter yesterday and is on a waiting list to move there. Her family is ready to do whatever they can, but they were not even aware of the situation until very recently. Others who live near her know about it, but she kept it from her family. They are very much on board, just trying to have a plan in place first.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Hi DesertArizona:
I see you're new to SR (Sober Recovery). AH is just shorthand for Alcoholic Husband, and AW is Alcoholic Wife. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum for a list of all the acronyms commonly used on this forum.
And welcome!
I see you're new to SR (Sober Recovery). AH is just shorthand for Alcoholic Husband, and AW is Alcoholic Wife. Check out the stickies at the top of the forum for a list of all the acronyms commonly used on this forum.
And welcome!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
There is the Boys Club culture in the military, so you do sometimes have to really push the issue and go around or above if necessary. They take alcohol, drugs, and firearms issues very seriously. Trust me on that one. I'm in the middle of moving because Mr. Grits didn't register his firearms with the base when we moved into housing. But that's another thread for another forum. Anyway, she should have access through whatever the Army's equivalent of Fleet & Family Services is. The children will receive benefits until they are 26 (if they are in college), but she won't be eligible for anything. She could still apply for child and spousal support, though.
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