Divorce from AH final this week....
 

I received the judge's final signed divorce decree this morning from my attorney. Evening knowing it was coming at some point soon, seeing the final signature left me completed gutted, nauseas, and feeling numb the rest of the day. I'm on the verge of tears but they won't come.

This time last year XAH and I were planning on getting pregnant. I realize now how much I minimized his sh*tty behavior because of my own agenda to get pregnant. I was really unhappy and really hopeful, not a very good combination.

Two weeks ago I did have an amazing revelation that hadn't occurred to me, it felt like a weight had lifted from my chest: This past 11 months have been really sucky but had I been with XAH instead of divorcing him, they would've been a lot worse.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to have that final decree, signed, sealed and delivered. I am waiting to get to that point in my divorce since my STBXAH appears to be defaulting on filing any paperwork.

I hope that, after the shock of having actually done this wears off, that you will feel free and energized and ready to begin the rest of your life. It's like that SouthWest Airlines ad: "You are free to move around the country now"

My very best wishes to you,

ShootingStar1

I am divorced, but alcohol/drugs did not play a role. Still, my reaction was the very same. It was absolutely the right decision, but when I got the final decree I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I think the reality of the finality hits anyone going through it. It's the end of that dream, those hopes. The good news is that feeling will pass, and the future is so much brighter for you. So go ahead and let yourself have your feelings. Then look forward to a new life. :)

And think about this, too. You don't have a child who will have to go through the sadness and confusion of having an alcoholic parent.

Hugs, feeling sad and empty is normal. I felt the same way when I divorced my first husband--it was I who wanted out of the marriage (nothing to do with alcoholism), but I still cared for him, loved him (though not "in love with him" anymore), and it was the end of that marriage. I didn't feel at all celebratory.

It takes time to get used to the idea, but my bet is that once things start taking an upturn in your life you will be so happy not to have the albatross of an alcoholic marriage around your neck any longer.

Hugs,

That final decree comes with SO MANY mixed emotions! I always thought it would be a happy day...a day of freedom. And it was. But it was also a day of sadness too. It takes time to grieve the end of a marriage and all the hopes and dreams we had for it. Be extra nice and loving to yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and recover. You're oving in a healthy new direction. Be proud of yourself for that.

Hugs and understanding...
Mary

My lawyer emailed me my final decree one week after my D was final.. I had so many mixed emotions.. part of me was relieved that it was over and that I could start a new chapter of my life and part of me was really sad.. so sad that I fell into a state of depression where I wanted to sleep all the time.. I ended up going to my dr and asking her to give me some anti depressents to get me over the initial hump.. Its been eight weeks and I'm feeling much better.. I can now concentrate on the healing and grieving that I still need to do...

The tears still haven't come yet. Maybe they won't, and that's ok. I have shed many, many tears over XAH - tears of saddness, anger, frustration, anxiety, devastation, relief, and defeat. I can count on one hand the times I've cried for joy over him. Given the anxiety, emotional devastation, and, at times, the volatility of my separation and divorce process, the actual end of my marriage was... anti-climactic. That is ok too.

I thought I would be somber this weekend, but I haven't been. It's truly been a good weekend. By sheer coincidence and good timing last week, my brother-in-law (XAH's brother) and sister-in-law and I have come into contact again. I haven't talked to them since XAH filed for divorce in July, and have missed them horribly. More so than XAH - that speaks volumes. The three of us became quite close during my short marriage. I had a really wonderful lunch with xSIL, spent time doing and planning projects for my house, saw my fam. Unusually good weather for this time I year, I spent time outside. Looking forward to spring.

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Sorry for your feelings.
I remember my divorce finalisation & the mixed feelings I had.
It can however all be put behind you now & a happier life lies ahead.
Hugs.

I have never allowed myself to feel so acutely sad as I did when I got the phone call about the paperwork that my divorce had gone through. It was freeing it was a chance for a new begining, but it was also an ending. I was so sad that I could not even get to the tears

I have had a rollarcoaster of emotions since that time....letting myself feel them has been hard but worth it.

I went on anti-depressants beginning in December. Throughout the whole separation and divorce process, I had never felt truly hopeless till then. Thoughts of suicide occurred to me, I knew then to see my doctor. I had moved into my new house a few weeks previously. It didn't feel like home. I had been living alone for seven months in the marital house that was much larger and my home. I was a mess. I wanted to cry and mope and complain. I felt like I was wearing a mask and putting on a show for everyone - "I'm fine, see???". Behind closed doors, I was angry, tearful, fearful of the future.

Now that it's over, I feel as if I can get over that mental hump of being married - but with no marriage or husband - to truly move on.