winnie1202

My husband has been a RA now for 18 months. He had one relapse for a couple of days during that period and went back to detox for a week and got back on track. He knew that that was my line in the sand.

There was a group of people that he grew up with from the 70's from high school, through the Jersey Shore days in the 80's. We all have kids in college. Back when we socialized with all of them it was all about the drinking - in the backyard, at dinner parties. Sadly as my husband drank excessively he pulled himself away (he was always a loner drinker). Now since he is sober, and they all know everything he went through, no one has reached out to him. What breaks my heart is that I see the pictures on Facebook (I don't tell him I see them) of the get togethers. I am not even sure if he would go if invited (probably not)but there is not even a phone call. In order to support him, although I was only a glass of wine twice a month, there is no alcohol in our home. Even when I am out on my own with friends I am drink mostly diet soda. I also noticed that with my own friends, too, that I find out about the parties after the fact. So sad. All because we don't drink anymore.

NewbieJ

For some (most?), having a friend or family member get sober while they are still drinking makes them feel judged. I would imagine it's part of the disease to take things like that personally, and maybe it highlights to them their own problem. Just a thought, I'm no expert for sure.

noanxtime

I wouldn't expect those people from your past to be much of a source of support or even aknowledgment of his drinking now. Their lives and yours are much different for whatever reasons and the years tend to make people grow apart. Especially if you were all fairly casual friends and really 'drinking buddies'.
He may find much more support with those with experiences closer to his.

LexieCat

I would suggest letting your husband worry about how own social circle. You have friends, he probably does, too. If not, he should work on making some.

I have AA friends, and I have more in common with them than I would most people I drank with in the past.

Recovering2

Congrats to your husband on 18 months of sobriety, that's huge.

This may be bothering you more than your spouse. If it's not an issue for him, I would let it go. I think it's hard for the "drinking buddies" to get it when someone gets sober. I see that with my BF who is now in recovery. They may not want to put him in a situation that involves alcohol. Or if they have their own issues with alcohol, it may make them uncomfortable to be confronted with someone who is successfully dealing with it when they're not. Don't be too hard on them, if they haven't lived the personal hell of alcoholism, they can't know how to deal with it or may not understand why he can't have "just one".

Socially things have definitely changed for my BF, but in the long term it's for the best. He has made some new friendships through AA, and is interacting with those people socially outside of meetings. He's learning that there are fun people out there who have a fun active sober life.

NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic (21 years) and what your husband is going through is the wreckage of the past. Alcoholic hurt other people, some can forgive and forget and others don't. There's nothing he or you can do anything about. Now he must create a new life for himself. Is he in a program? The 9th step is about making amends to those we have harmed....I hope he is in a program.

dandylion

Dear winnie, I think understand what you are thinking and wondering about. It is natural to ponder these things--and, particularly since they were your social circle, also. We all look in the rear-view mirror from time to time as we evaluate where we were and where we are now. I think it is even necessary. And, of course, these excursions into the past stir up all kinds of emotions. Somestimes, sadness. sometimes fondness. Sometimes longing, anger, etc....

I have had the opportunity to know lots and lots of alcoholics. My observation has been that if the relationship between two people has been primarily around alcohol---and if one of those people stops drinking---the relationship is changed. It appears to me that that is just a hard reality.

I have come to believe that if you know a person who regularly drinks a significant amount---you don't really know that person as well as you think you do. An alcoholic operates from an altered reality (altered brain/thinking) and does not present the "real" self. What you know is the "altered" person. It is my belief that this is a big reason that the alcoholic has such a difficult time in the first year of recovery--trying to cope with world without the distortion of alcohol.

just a few of my own thoughts and observations. You will make new friends. There are millions of people who live lives that are not fueled by alcohol---and they would love to know you!

sincerely, dandylion

choublak

Pictures of people standing around with cups of beer in their hands?