Today Surgery - need support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Today Surgery - need support
I have been lying in bed awake since 230 am.
I have surgery today. The codie in me kept hoping separated AH would contact me last night and make some peace before I go in for surgery today. Nothing. I know, bread in hardware store. I get it. I know its unrealistic to expect him to be there for me when hes a mess himself. So I am not sure where this desire comes from.
I prayed, I cuddled with my 4 year old, watched movies, came on SR...did all I could do to distract myself. But I still ended up emailing him I wanted peace before surgery and of course, no response.
I take full responsibility for setting myself up. I wonder if Id be this needy if i wasnt ill. Its hard to get strong and go through the grief process of your marriage when you are facing serious illness.
I need my SR fam right now. I need to come on here and read positive responses and encourage me...I want to go into surgery with a clear mind and not a heavy heart.
I have surgery today. The codie in me kept hoping separated AH would contact me last night and make some peace before I go in for surgery today. Nothing. I know, bread in hardware store. I get it. I know its unrealistic to expect him to be there for me when hes a mess himself. So I am not sure where this desire comes from.
I prayed, I cuddled with my 4 year old, watched movies, came on SR...did all I could do to distract myself. But I still ended up emailing him I wanted peace before surgery and of course, no response.
I take full responsibility for setting myself up. I wonder if Id be this needy if i wasnt ill. Its hard to get strong and go through the grief process of your marriage when you are facing serious illness.
I need my SR fam right now. I need to come on here and read positive responses and encourage me...I want to go into surgery with a clear mind and not a heavy heart.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hey Iamthird - I just said a prayer for you - I am certain your surgery will go fine today.
I kind of don't blame you for reaching out for the support and sorry you didn't get it but not surprised. I am sure you have friends and family that are there for you and of course your child! We are all here for you too and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Let this be a gentle reminder of what you are leaving behind. Don't be sad, be happy that isn't the rest of your life. If the support isn't there today, it will never be there.
Peace and Hugs.
I kind of don't blame you for reaching out for the support and sorry you didn't get it but not surprised. I am sure you have friends and family that are there for you and of course your child! We are all here for you too and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Let this be a gentle reminder of what you are leaving behind. Don't be sad, be happy that isn't the rest of your life. If the support isn't there today, it will never be there.
Peace and Hugs.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
My prayers are with you, iamthird. There will be brighter days ahead and you'll enjoy them with your wonderful child.
Please post when you are up to it and let us know how you are. We really do care.
Please post when you are up to it and let us know how you are. We really do care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I cried dropping off my 4 year old at preschool. I hugged her tight, told her Happy Vday and to say a little prayer for mom tonight when shes with her dad. I love that little girl so much and she deserves so much more than this blubbering mother!
I find myself starting to get angry! Angry with myself for letting AH get to me and angry for him for not being present when I need him. I want to be angry today. I need to take some breaths....I am trying not to be worked up but honestly this pain is overwhelming.
I find myself starting to get angry! Angry with myself for letting AH get to me and angry for him for not being present when I need him. I want to be angry today. I need to take some breaths....I am trying not to be worked up but honestly this pain is overwhelming.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Go ahead and feel it, iamthird. They are your feelings and you are entitled to them, and the only way to recover is to acknowledge them. It's when we act irresponsibly upon those feelings that we get in trouble -- or when we try to stuff them down and pretend they don't exist. You're going through SO MUCH -- it would be weird if you WEREN'T angry!!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Iamthird,
I am thinking of you today and your sweet little girl. Let us be your valentine today! We care about you and I know that this surgery is going to go just fine.
And you know what?.... I think you should be congratulated. You are feeling angry about all the wrongs done by your A and his abandonment and you were blubbering recognizing that you are going through a hard time. You know what that means??? You are a normal, loving, emotional, human being who is moving forward under super difficult circumstances. Yay you!!!!
Sending lots of hugs,
MamaKit
I am thinking of you today and your sweet little girl. Let us be your valentine today! We care about you and I know that this surgery is going to go just fine.
And you know what?.... I think you should be congratulated. You are feeling angry about all the wrongs done by your A and his abandonment and you were blubbering recognizing that you are going through a hard time. You know what that means??? You are a normal, loving, emotional, human being who is moving forward under super difficult circumstances. Yay you!!!!
Sending lots of hugs,
MamaKit
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